(no subject)
"Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire; the other is to get it." - Socrates
pretty much everything in my life is half hearted... love especially... I cant feel it anymore.... cant feel what it was like or how it should be... Ive lost it... although so many say they love me... im dieing to hear it from one person... in which i never will again...
I am a dreamer and as such i believe in something possible that cannot come back or come true... it is the way of that of a writter. You pretend, finding it easier to live threw you character and live their life because you make it the way you want.. its much easier to handle that what life really throws at you... sometimes i get so lost in writing that i forget who i am.. my story becomes my life and then it causes me problems... I remember i former part of me by the name of sydney.
I dreamed her up... i became her... i became her life... her will..her everything... I was her... i was no longer kari... because i was always unhappy with who i was... making her was one of the worst and best things i ever did. She helped me in many ways... allowed me to see what was out there.. and now i see that as much as i want you back it is probably best for both of us to be apart.... I will always love you and it will take some time ((more time)) to get over you... but i realise how much you still mean to me and it kills that i mean nothing to you... but as long as your happy.. thats all i want is for you to be truely happy.
I know i tried to rush out and forget you and if i had not i probably would be doing better now... i should have used more of that time to put things into a memory and lock them away for a better day... used more of those days to cry away everyhting that i still today cry about... used those days to try and still be your friend... i know i rushed into a lot of things after that and now my mind is useless...my body is tired and my soul is weak.... I should have never allowed things to get so bad before now... but i did.. because i feel more like myself when things are like this when things are sad...
I want to say thats me but its really not...i want to be happy ... want to laugh and no be bothered by this pain... and sometimes im not and sometimes i forget it and sometimes i remember it and sometimes it hurts more than others but its time for me to ready myself for all the change and know im gonna have to let u go now before it gets to late.. its not fair to you to try and keep you when i know i probably hurt you more by trying to get back what we had... its not fair to me to want something i know ill never get the chance at... never have you here again... who knows maybe in a couple years we will meet and something will come up and we will be friends again like it was a long time ago... but thats from a dreamers point of view... who knows what the future holds......
pretty much everything in my life is half hearted... love especially... I cant feel it anymore.... cant feel what it was like or how it should be... Ive lost it... although so many say they love me... im dieing to hear it from one person... in which i never will again...
I am a dreamer and as such i believe in something possible that cannot come back or come true... it is the way of that of a writter. You pretend, finding it easier to live threw you character and live their life because you make it the way you want.. its much easier to handle that what life really throws at you... sometimes i get so lost in writing that i forget who i am.. my story becomes my life and then it causes me problems... I remember i former part of me by the name of sydney.
I dreamed her up... i became her... i became her life... her will..her everything... I was her... i was no longer kari... because i was always unhappy with who i was... making her was one of the worst and best things i ever did. She helped me in many ways... allowed me to see what was out there.. and now i see that as much as i want you back it is probably best for both of us to be apart.... I will always love you and it will take some time ((more time)) to get over you... but i realise how much you still mean to me and it kills that i mean nothing to you... but as long as your happy.. thats all i want is for you to be truely happy.
I know i tried to rush out and forget you and if i had not i probably would be doing better now... i should have used more of that time to put things into a memory and lock them away for a better day... used more of those days to cry away everyhting that i still today cry about... used those days to try and still be your friend... i know i rushed into a lot of things after that and now my mind is useless...my body is tired and my soul is weak.... I should have never allowed things to get so bad before now... but i did.. because i feel more like myself when things are like this when things are sad...
I want to say thats me but its really not...i want to be happy ... want to laugh and no be bothered by this pain... and sometimes im not and sometimes i forget it and sometimes i remember it and sometimes it hurts more than others but its time for me to ready myself for all the change and know im gonna have to let u go now before it gets to late.. its not fair to you to try and keep you when i know i probably hurt you more by trying to get back what we had... its not fair to me to want something i know ill never get the chance at... never have you here again... who knows maybe in a couple years we will meet and something will come up and we will be friends again like it was a long time ago... but thats from a dreamers point of view... who knows what the future holds......