A New Paradigm (Part Six)
The Lenten season has had the ironic effect of actually taking my friendship with Cody up a notch. That became clear when within a few days of Ash Wednesday, I warned Cody that for the next 40 days I would not be "nutting" to any of his videos. It wasn't a totally impossible goal; I had left open the option of making still photos an exception. But only on Sundays.
In any event, it would mean a steep nosedive in his weekly "tips" and I told him so. His answer in due course of arriving back in the states in time for Passover was revealing. He said that he enjoyed my messages as much as the tips.
Yes, he did.
It was also around this time that I noticed he often was up much earlier in the morning than usual (a little green dot appears next to a poster's avatar to indicate they are "live") and, I remembered that one of the very first compliments he ever paid me was to say how much he admired people who were "early risers". So, for the last few days we've been at our respective computers in time to say, "Good morning" to each other.
I have a feeling this is uncharted territory for both of us. I've already noticed that Cody's still photographs hold no surprises. I know every inch of his body. Nine times out of ten, I find him just as sexy with clothes as without and getting at the nub of that eternal question, "What do you look like without your clothes?" has helped us to reach this point in our relationship.
The videos remain a different story. They literally invite a kind of vicarious participation in something that is difficult for my lizard brain to separate from actual sex. And, it's complicated by the fact that sex is the amniotic fluid Cody exists in. Somehow, he has been able to construct a seemingly seamless membrane that surrounds what he does to earn a living and what makes him feel good about himself.
Likewise and almost in-utero situ, I've gone from nutting twice a day to once every two weeks, thus begging the question, whether sex is a physical necessity or just a habit? My suspicion is that it's a habit that is closely linked with our earliest experiences of lonliness and despair; it is not easily navigated without access to a higher power. And smart and caring partners.
In any event, it would mean a steep nosedive in his weekly "tips" and I told him so. His answer in due course of arriving back in the states in time for Passover was revealing. He said that he enjoyed my messages as much as the tips.
Yes, he did.
It was also around this time that I noticed he often was up much earlier in the morning than usual (a little green dot appears next to a poster's avatar to indicate they are "live") and, I remembered that one of the very first compliments he ever paid me was to say how much he admired people who were "early risers". So, for the last few days we've been at our respective computers in time to say, "Good morning" to each other.
I have a feeling this is uncharted territory for both of us. I've already noticed that Cody's still photographs hold no surprises. I know every inch of his body. Nine times out of ten, I find him just as sexy with clothes as without and getting at the nub of that eternal question, "What do you look like without your clothes?" has helped us to reach this point in our relationship.
The videos remain a different story. They literally invite a kind of vicarious participation in something that is difficult for my lizard brain to separate from actual sex. And, it's complicated by the fact that sex is the amniotic fluid Cody exists in. Somehow, he has been able to construct a seemingly seamless membrane that surrounds what he does to earn a living and what makes him feel good about himself.
Likewise and almost in-utero situ, I've gone from nutting twice a day to once every two weeks, thus begging the question, whether sex is a physical necessity or just a habit? My suspicion is that it's a habit that is closely linked with our earliest experiences of lonliness and despair; it is not easily navigated without access to a higher power. And smart and caring partners.