The 2017 East Coast GBTQ Men's RC Workshop (Part Three)
Darryl and my support group met twice on Friday and by the end of the evening we had all developed a good rapport with each other. I don't think it was planned that way, but, somehow, the combination of three geezers and one YA seemed to work well. Darryl is a natural performer and it was natural - perhaps, even a pattern - for him to want to please us. And, for our part, we geezers were easily pleased. He was as frisky and cuddly as a puppy dog. It reminded me of what a blessing it was to have discovered RC when I did, in my twenties, when I still had Darryl's curiosity and enthusiasm. Otherwise, I'm not sure I would have made it through my first intro.
He was still working on some difficult early memories when he surprised everyone by choosing me to be his counselor. Usually, it is the support group leader who counsels everyone. But, it isn't a hard and fast rule and if somebody chooses someone else right out of the box, to be their counselor, who's going to object?
I was more than happy to accept the challenge. Darryl lives in Brooklyn and it would be terrific to have an ongoing RC relationship with him.
I've learned that when counseling someone on heavy sexual material that you don't have to know every detail of what happened. That stuff will eventually come out in the wash when the client is ready. What's more important, I think, is to contradict the early isolation. The client was friendless when the hurt happened and in many ways has remained that way ever since. It's your job as counselor to change the narrative. Ask how it might have been different had the group been there when it happened?
Darryl would remain on the verge of tears for the better part of ten minutes (the entire session lasted for about fifteen.) Like a true performing artist, he saved the most difficult piece until the very last minute of his time then, heaved a great sigh of relief when it was up. After another minute of "reentry" he smiled with a big grin and gave me a hug, sitting there on the end of someone's bed in a room shared by one of the support group members. His freshly picked Afro was right underneath my nose and smelled of honeysuckle.
I wish I could say that we remained attached for the rest of the weekend, but, alas, Darryl would have to leave the workshop early in order to make a "meet and greet" the next day. And, at some point - not through Darryl - I became apprised of the fact that his lover was in attendance at the workshop. I wasn't exactly jealous; it wasn't as though the two of them spent their entire time together. Far from it, they seemed to have made a tacit agreement that they would not hang out together if they could help it. PDAs were definitely kept to a minimum.
Nevertheless, it did take some of the air out of the workshop for me. Especially so, since I'm also a big fan of the guy identified as Darryl's lover. It all made perfect sense somehow that they should have both found each other before they found co-counseling.
He was still working on some difficult early memories when he surprised everyone by choosing me to be his counselor. Usually, it is the support group leader who counsels everyone. But, it isn't a hard and fast rule and if somebody chooses someone else right out of the box, to be their counselor, who's going to object?
I was more than happy to accept the challenge. Darryl lives in Brooklyn and it would be terrific to have an ongoing RC relationship with him.
I've learned that when counseling someone on heavy sexual material that you don't have to know every detail of what happened. That stuff will eventually come out in the wash when the client is ready. What's more important, I think, is to contradict the early isolation. The client was friendless when the hurt happened and in many ways has remained that way ever since. It's your job as counselor to change the narrative. Ask how it might have been different had the group been there when it happened?
Darryl would remain on the verge of tears for the better part of ten minutes (the entire session lasted for about fifteen.) Like a true performing artist, he saved the most difficult piece until the very last minute of his time then, heaved a great sigh of relief when it was up. After another minute of "reentry" he smiled with a big grin and gave me a hug, sitting there on the end of someone's bed in a room shared by one of the support group members. His freshly picked Afro was right underneath my nose and smelled of honeysuckle.
I wish I could say that we remained attached for the rest of the weekend, but, alas, Darryl would have to leave the workshop early in order to make a "meet and greet" the next day. And, at some point - not through Darryl - I became apprised of the fact that his lover was in attendance at the workshop. I wasn't exactly jealous; it wasn't as though the two of them spent their entire time together. Far from it, they seemed to have made a tacit agreement that they would not hang out together if they could help it. PDAs were definitely kept to a minimum.
Nevertheless, it did take some of the air out of the workshop for me. Especially so, since I'm also a big fan of the guy identified as Darryl's lover. It all made perfect sense somehow that they should have both found each other before they found co-counseling.