Indifferent comfort
Is how I sort of feel. I'm fine but i'm not happy. I'm not satisfied but i'm in a position where I could in theory give up right now, coast along and most people would tell me I've lived a good life. I wouldn't agree with them but who am I to define the giood life. I'm a little uncomfortable feeling this way at the quarter century mark, simply cause I doubt I should feel this numb with out a little more distress. Who knows maybe most 25 year olds in my postion feel similarly.
My Grandfather--for the first time--pointed out to me how I'm the last Johnstone of his familial heritage or whatever, "no pressure". The comment doesn't really bother me although its the first hint of what my mother must have had to deal w/ as pressure to have me, she warned me about this but I sort of laughed it off. I doubt it will be an issue, they are fairly old and are just proud of my academic achievements anyway but still funny. My thoughts on this sort of issue always ebb and flow based on my personal happiness in this category. Currently this suggest I'm in my point where I think there is no point to getting marriage or having kids, but it wouldn't take much to change my view on that since I know quite well I'd really like to do both these things, but I'm not motivate to try to find just any old someone to take such a long term journey with.
Sometimes I think I've allowed my body to engage in the chemical flood that is "love" too often in my young life. I guess only time will tell, but I hate waiting. I always have.
Someday I'll probably regret that rush, but, such is who I am.
My Grandfather--for the first time--pointed out to me how I'm the last Johnstone of his familial heritage or whatever, "no pressure". The comment doesn't really bother me although its the first hint of what my mother must have had to deal w/ as pressure to have me, she warned me about this but I sort of laughed it off. I doubt it will be an issue, they are fairly old and are just proud of my academic achievements anyway but still funny. My thoughts on this sort of issue always ebb and flow based on my personal happiness in this category. Currently this suggest I'm in my point where I think there is no point to getting marriage or having kids, but it wouldn't take much to change my view on that since I know quite well I'd really like to do both these things, but I'm not motivate to try to find just any old someone to take such a long term journey with.
Sometimes I think I've allowed my body to engage in the chemical flood that is "love" too often in my young life. I guess only time will tell, but I hate waiting. I always have.
Someday I'll probably regret that rush, but, such is who I am.