(no subject)
note:
the world is bigger than i had previously thought it was.
i mean, the idea of it. i'm just a tiny, insignificant piece of this giant puzzle that i can't seem to figure out. perhaps i'm not supposed to.
i guess it's more humbling to think about things in this light, considering just the idea behind this giant void (space). that's exactly what space is. just space. an endless amount of nothing.
at night i wonder just what the hell am i doing.
i have an addiction, and this one kind of makes me feel nerdy. i like reading people's livejournals. scratch that, i love reading them. i think it's the allure of seeing what someone's thinking. the thought that you're reading someone's business is just too interesting to pass up. that's that nosy person that's inside everyone.
not that i care, or anything. i would write more in my livejournal, but i get the feeling that i'm being a horribly trite and useless person.
i feel like i need to accomplish something, but i'm not quite sure of what that is. i think some of it has to do with writing more music. i jammed with the i! about a week ago. i can honestly say that it was the most fun i've had writing music in a good while. tbm hasn't written a song (a real one, not just improv)in a ridiculously long time. and i don't like that. i also don't like when metalcore is being jammed or played. jake and jeremy improv-ed (i'm not sure how you spell improv in the past tense) a song at our last show and it was metalcore as fuck. i'm not really down with that. i want to just play hardcore with tbm, minus the metalcore tendencies. i want to engrain a different direction of hardcore in tbm than where it's starting to go. i have to say, the only tolerable metalcore bands (to me) are every time i die, dillinger, converge, and botch. other than that, it's filth. that's just my opinion. there's only so much of atreyu breakdowns one guy can take. it just kind of makes me sick. i'm still waiting for tbm to start up again, writing newer songs. we were going to take a month off to just work on that, but that's just not happening too well at the moment.
but that's besides the point i had originally started off with (not accomplishing things [i notice that when i type, i go off on tangents and get completely off-subject. the accomplishment idea, it'll never be finished. i've studied myself, and i never finish things correctly. ...and i want to make a career based around writing. bleh], but the i!)
the i! is really fun. i'm really excited about it. it kind of lets me stretch out and try new things. i can't really emphasize how exciting it is without using the word "exciting" or "excited."
pretty sure i didn't do too well in school this week, but this week was horrible to begin with.
it gradually got better, but when i get into this introspective mood, i tend to think things through way too deep.
somehow this all adds up to the question of what exactly am i doing with myself. i'm such a tiny, insignificant person, in the grand scheme of things. it's not to say that i'm not happy at this moment, but i'm just thinking of the bigger idea. what position am i going to remember myself in as i am now when i'm 25, 35, 45, 55, 65, etc? i don't really know what i'd classify myself as. i don't know enough about me to be able to. that sounds ridiculous whenever i read it, but it's true. how much do i really know about myself?
goals:
1. become a better writer
2. get better at guitar
3. read "the great influenza" or you will panic a few weeks before the paper's due.
4. eat apples and other fruits because it is good for you
5. keep up your grades(all a's)
6. don't over-analyze things as much anymore.
7. enjoy when it rains
8. get a job
9. become a better person
10. stop making lists
the world is bigger than i had previously thought it was.
i mean, the idea of it. i'm just a tiny, insignificant piece of this giant puzzle that i can't seem to figure out. perhaps i'm not supposed to.
i guess it's more humbling to think about things in this light, considering just the idea behind this giant void (space). that's exactly what space is. just space. an endless amount of nothing.
at night i wonder just what the hell am i doing.
i have an addiction, and this one kind of makes me feel nerdy. i like reading people's livejournals. scratch that, i love reading them. i think it's the allure of seeing what someone's thinking. the thought that you're reading someone's business is just too interesting to pass up. that's that nosy person that's inside everyone.
not that i care, or anything. i would write more in my livejournal, but i get the feeling that i'm being a horribly trite and useless person.
i feel like i need to accomplish something, but i'm not quite sure of what that is. i think some of it has to do with writing more music. i jammed with the i! about a week ago. i can honestly say that it was the most fun i've had writing music in a good while. tbm hasn't written a song (a real one, not just improv)in a ridiculously long time. and i don't like that. i also don't like when metalcore is being jammed or played. jake and jeremy improv-ed (i'm not sure how you spell improv in the past tense) a song at our last show and it was metalcore as fuck. i'm not really down with that. i want to just play hardcore with tbm, minus the metalcore tendencies. i want to engrain a different direction of hardcore in tbm than where it's starting to go. i have to say, the only tolerable metalcore bands (to me) are every time i die, dillinger, converge, and botch. other than that, it's filth. that's just my opinion. there's only so much of atreyu breakdowns one guy can take. it just kind of makes me sick. i'm still waiting for tbm to start up again, writing newer songs. we were going to take a month off to just work on that, but that's just not happening too well at the moment.
but that's besides the point i had originally started off with (not accomplishing things [i notice that when i type, i go off on tangents and get completely off-subject. the accomplishment idea, it'll never be finished. i've studied myself, and i never finish things correctly. ...and i want to make a career based around writing. bleh], but the i!)
the i! is really fun. i'm really excited about it. it kind of lets me stretch out and try new things. i can't really emphasize how exciting it is without using the word "exciting" or "excited."
pretty sure i didn't do too well in school this week, but this week was horrible to begin with.
it gradually got better, but when i get into this introspective mood, i tend to think things through way too deep.
somehow this all adds up to the question of what exactly am i doing with myself. i'm such a tiny, insignificant person, in the grand scheme of things. it's not to say that i'm not happy at this moment, but i'm just thinking of the bigger idea. what position am i going to remember myself in as i am now when i'm 25, 35, 45, 55, 65, etc? i don't really know what i'd classify myself as. i don't know enough about me to be able to. that sounds ridiculous whenever i read it, but it's true. how much do i really know about myself?
goals:
1. become a better writer
2. get better at guitar
3. read "the great influenza" or you will panic a few weeks before the paper's due.
4. eat apples and other fruits because it is good for you
5. keep up your grades(all a's)
6. don't over-analyze things as much anymore.
7. enjoy when it rains
8. get a job
9. become a better person
10. stop making lists