Don't worry, I haven't gone anywhere but home
A holiday was needed, forgive my sudden disappearance everyone. I took a break from myself, from my studio and the outside world. I found solace in the simple routine of waking up every morning in my bed next to my girlfriend and the child she carries. I spent my days in the house or walking around fields - dedicated my time to enjoying our family, our pets, our cozy house, and doing me damned to lay my fears to rest for awhile.
I tend to overreact to situations that should really come as no surprise, that I should be used to dealing with and owning up to. Instead, each and every time my impulse is to struggle and self-sabotage, to lash out because it's not the way I'd have it. If I'm unable to twist a meaningful situation into some shape or form that better suits what I demand and expect from others, I lose all sense and immediately want to either go into hiding or smash something. Neither of those reactions do me very well in the outcome, as you can likely imagine. The past few years I've thankfully disciplined myself enough to most often vent through my music or painting when I feel those panics come on, but now and again I still snap. Morrissey can attest to that, hahah.
On the whole I'm feeling less morose, having refueled on a bit of reefer and the love and joy my household has to offer. I hope you've all been well, looks like I've got some reading to catch up on today.
I tend to overreact to situations that should really come as no surprise, that I should be used to dealing with and owning up to. Instead, each and every time my impulse is to struggle and self-sabotage, to lash out because it's not the way I'd have it. If I'm unable to twist a meaningful situation into some shape or form that better suits what I demand and expect from others, I lose all sense and immediately want to either go into hiding or smash something. Neither of those reactions do me very well in the outcome, as you can likely imagine. The past few years I've thankfully disciplined myself enough to most often vent through my music or painting when I feel those panics come on, but now and again I still snap. Morrissey can attest to that, hahah.
On the whole I'm feeling less morose, having refueled on a bit of reefer and the love and joy my household has to offer. I hope you've all been well, looks like I've got some reading to catch up on today.