jesus christ
........I swear, of all the bullshit i listened to today...Dyko put it the best. Right now.......I'm so lost. so lost. all i can ask myself is why did this had to end like this. why? I don't care about the self respect and pride bullshit. I lost a part of me today. I can't explain my anger, I don't think people will understand. It's a cry for help...and crying is something i've become a little familiar with...yeah, me. through the wire? yep...been there. This is like a bad dream. I finally relxed a little today, and let my fatigue get the better of me - and i've had nightmares for two days. maybe not nightmares....but it's all i dream about. I consumes me. When I woke up, I kinda forgot what had happened the same day...Its like a nightmare that i can't escape. I'm depressed. I wont act...It even got the better of my exterior today. And I'm confused. I'm canceling 2 morrow .... and hanging out with the band...You know, Dyko told me about his passion. For his Band of Best Friends, and Guitar. And you know what I've realized? I turned my back on my passions, and I do my best to grow out of them. Nikole Is .. or Was .... My passion. Bloods Thicker than water, and I look at peoples friendships and almost laugh, and feel sorry for them. I don't think they know what a friend is. And Anthony, like she said, Will be my friend for life. We're runnin on 13 years ... lol. And thats someone I can always go to, someone i can always fall back on .... and when others go away ... who played that role in your life ... and you hurt them. and they hurt you - it hurts period. I'm so lost.....And i'm god dam sick of hearing what i should do. And My head hasn't got me shit. I want to go with my heart .......but my hearts broken. Love ... heh. what a word. what a life. I dont even know what im typing or talking about. and god dam michelle branch to hell.