Killadelphia
I had a dream last night.
I was walking at night in the city. I was not scared as I walked, I rarely am. I was humming as I walked, it was a quiet, humid night. I noticed on the corner a block in front of me were two less than appealing individuals. They watched me as I walked. For some reason I started to feel something, I guess it was fear. I crossed the street, as I crossed I tried to hurry my walk but I noticed the shoes I were wearing did not allow it.
I had a long coat on, I was carrying a pocket book. I no longer felt like I was in my normal mind. I did not have the clear thinking I was used to. It was clouded, it was having trouble making decisions, it was helpless....with fear.
I looked back, the two individuals were crossing the street toward me, I began to run but I was slow, I looked back, the two men were running, they were closing the gap. I began to cry, and yell. I began to see the scene from two angles. One from the person running and one as if I was watching it on TV. I couldn't get away. One of the men grabbed my hair and pulled me down. I tried to punch, but I was weak, they merely laughed as I tried to hit. I felt for the first time.....helpless.
I was on the ground, I looked up to see one of the men raise his fist and punch me in the face. Warm liquid in my mouth, in my eye. I felt myself being kicked, sharp pain in my stomach. I screamed, a wet gurgle, I screamed into the night, men laughing, blood in my lungs. I screamed for help. One of them pulled out a gun, I pleaded, crying tears mixed with blood. I screamed for someone to help me.
I could see a person in the distance, they could hear me, but they hurried in the opposite direction. I looked up, the gun was pointed at my face. My assailant, grinning, laughing, cocked the revolver, I watched as a full chamber made its way to the barrel, I screamed one last time into the night. There was no one to help me.
I woke up.
I have never felt that before, a feeling of complete helplessness. I couldn't shake it, it was the worst feeling I have ever had run through me. I began to imagine all those people who were killed, that woman in my neighborhood, the pregnant woman, they must have had that same feeling of helplessness, the feeling that no one was there to help them. I couldn't get back to sleep, I didn't want to sleep, I was scared of going back into a dream lack that. Even in my scariest dreams, where I was fighitng zombies I didn't feel the helplessness I felt there.
I don't ever want to feel helpless again.
I was walking at night in the city. I was not scared as I walked, I rarely am. I was humming as I walked, it was a quiet, humid night. I noticed on the corner a block in front of me were two less than appealing individuals. They watched me as I walked. For some reason I started to feel something, I guess it was fear. I crossed the street, as I crossed I tried to hurry my walk but I noticed the shoes I were wearing did not allow it.
I had a long coat on, I was carrying a pocket book. I no longer felt like I was in my normal mind. I did not have the clear thinking I was used to. It was clouded, it was having trouble making decisions, it was helpless....with fear.
I looked back, the two individuals were crossing the street toward me, I began to run but I was slow, I looked back, the two men were running, they were closing the gap. I began to cry, and yell. I began to see the scene from two angles. One from the person running and one as if I was watching it on TV. I couldn't get away. One of the men grabbed my hair and pulled me down. I tried to punch, but I was weak, they merely laughed as I tried to hit. I felt for the first time.....helpless.
I was on the ground, I looked up to see one of the men raise his fist and punch me in the face. Warm liquid in my mouth, in my eye. I felt myself being kicked, sharp pain in my stomach. I screamed, a wet gurgle, I screamed into the night, men laughing, blood in my lungs. I screamed for help. One of them pulled out a gun, I pleaded, crying tears mixed with blood. I screamed for someone to help me.
I could see a person in the distance, they could hear me, but they hurried in the opposite direction. I looked up, the gun was pointed at my face. My assailant, grinning, laughing, cocked the revolver, I watched as a full chamber made its way to the barrel, I screamed one last time into the night. There was no one to help me.
I woke up.
I have never felt that before, a feeling of complete helplessness. I couldn't shake it, it was the worst feeling I have ever had run through me. I began to imagine all those people who were killed, that woman in my neighborhood, the pregnant woman, they must have had that same feeling of helplessness, the feeling that no one was there to help them. I couldn't get back to sleep, I didn't want to sleep, I was scared of going back into a dream lack that. Even in my scariest dreams, where I was fighitng zombies I didn't feel the helplessness I felt there.
I don't ever want to feel helpless again.