21
I totally don't feel this old, not by a bloody mile. For some reason, the number 20 just felt as if I was entering another age bracket...but this year I still can't believe this is the age I'm at.
With all the things I've done, all the people I've met, the phases I've gone through could be classed or named simply because of all the contrasts I've seen myself take over the years. It isn't so much to say that I've been around the world and back, so much that I wonder how I ended up in the space/spot I am right now in life. One thing I've recently come to the conclusion of, is that I have alot of influences. It doesn't so much justify what I am (and what does, really) so much as explain it. One might think this is logic, but the thing formerly preventing me from coming to that conclusion was the difference-the difference between myself and others I saw around me.
I have alot of friends (though it feels funny saying that), alot of people I know don't judge me for who I am-what I've done, or the things I like and dislike. I've thanked people for this commonly, but believe me when I say that the words come with alot more meaning now. After being away from someone/something or an influence persay, I've seen the emotional and mental space be slowly filled up by something else. One thing that seems to run through me constantly is an addictive personality, and the fact that there always has to be something occupying the obsessive nature of my brain. If what I've been trying to get at has seemed cryptic up until now, well...here it is in bold.
I always made a note to myself for the last few years to seclude myself from generally constant social distractions, and that I'd one day (not literally speaking, more like a large space in time) sit down and just immerse myself in that nature itself. Not only the geekyness (although that doesn't say much-what with it being at least 70% of me) but in everything I enjoyed. I did it for a good 16 or 17 years up until the point where I decided to make some physical resolutions, and once I did begin to have something of a constantly active social life-couldn't be pushed around, simply because respect was given. It's something else to be able to indulge that personality, and still have people respect me for who I am. I think the reason this feels so good is that before (whereas I'd indulge this personality, but have no friends around period) I had absolutely no one to be myself around-period.
Nowadays, it almost seems like less is more. Hell, maybe temperance and solid do make that much of a difference...point being, it feels darn good. Having everyone wish me a happy birthday just makes it seem that much more right.
"A tip of the hat, the kiss of the bat-this intensity repents for me those who flip for the stats"
With all the things I've done, all the people I've met, the phases I've gone through could be classed or named simply because of all the contrasts I've seen myself take over the years. It isn't so much to say that I've been around the world and back, so much that I wonder how I ended up in the space/spot I am right now in life. One thing I've recently come to the conclusion of, is that I have alot of influences. It doesn't so much justify what I am (and what does, really) so much as explain it. One might think this is logic, but the thing formerly preventing me from coming to that conclusion was the difference-the difference between myself and others I saw around me.
I have alot of friends (though it feels funny saying that), alot of people I know don't judge me for who I am-what I've done, or the things I like and dislike. I've thanked people for this commonly, but believe me when I say that the words come with alot more meaning now. After being away from someone/something or an influence persay, I've seen the emotional and mental space be slowly filled up by something else. One thing that seems to run through me constantly is an addictive personality, and the fact that there always has to be something occupying the obsessive nature of my brain. If what I've been trying to get at has seemed cryptic up until now, well...here it is in bold.
I always made a note to myself for the last few years to seclude myself from generally constant social distractions, and that I'd one day (not literally speaking, more like a large space in time) sit down and just immerse myself in that nature itself. Not only the geekyness (although that doesn't say much-what with it being at least 70% of me) but in everything I enjoyed. I did it for a good 16 or 17 years up until the point where I decided to make some physical resolutions, and once I did begin to have something of a constantly active social life-couldn't be pushed around, simply because respect was given. It's something else to be able to indulge that personality, and still have people respect me for who I am. I think the reason this feels so good is that before (whereas I'd indulge this personality, but have no friends around period) I had absolutely no one to be myself around-period.
Nowadays, it almost seems like less is more. Hell, maybe temperance and solid do make that much of a difference...point being, it feels darn good. Having everyone wish me a happy birthday just makes it seem that much more right.
"A tip of the hat, the kiss of the bat-this intensity repents for me those who flip for the stats"