Bachelor party
One of my best friends is getting married on July 10th, so we're throwing him a bachelor party up at Whistler June 18th to 20th. I've never been to a bachelor party before, or at least not a real one, as all of my friends are either too ugly to get married or too wussy to have a bachelor party. While I am looking forward to it (almost ridiculously so), I've always shaken my head when I see a bachelor party going from bar to bar around Nanaimo, the groom-to-be dressed up in some stupid costume with a fake ball-and-chain around his leg and a meat helmet on his head. Okay, no meat helmets (because that would be cool), but it always depressed me a little to see guys I recognized from high school going through the whole bachelor party thing in their home town, going out to the same bars they've been going to for years, getting drunk like they do every weekend, looking like pathetic shitheads.
For the record, I am not an anti-bachelor-party person. On the contrary, I am way over on the other of the fence drinking a beer and acting like a dildo. It just seems pathetic to throw a bachelor party in the same town you live in and go to the same bars you always go to. I mean, that's just sad.
So, for my friend's bachelor party, I've been trying to come up with some creative, not-so-typical, bachelor party events and games to keep us in shits and giggles for days. Like, instead of getting drunk, going to a strip bar, fucking a hooker, then killing her and burying her body in the desert like everyone does, I was thinking we could turn down the lights, sit in a circle and pass a candle around the room, the holder gaining enough power from the flame to share their feelings in a non-competitive, open environment. Then we'd fuck a hooker and bury her in the woods.
Here are three renditions of the story I'll be telling when I get back from the bachelor party. Three different versions.
Version 1 (the one I'll be telling my girlfriend)
-"We had a lot of fun, but it ended up being pretty tame. Nothing really crazy to talk about. Some of the guys got pretty drunk, but no big deal. Some girl hit on me at the bar, but I just told her I had a girlfriend and walked away. I didn't drink very much. I basically just sat around thinking about you."
Version 2 (the one I'll tell my other guy friends)
-"Too many crazy things happened, but I can't talk about them until the case goes to court. Four of my friends died of alcohol poisoning. It was awesome. This one supermodel I met at the bar wanted to do me, but took a good look at my package and ran away scared. I drank eighty five beers, then snorted some cocaine off a hookers ass."
Version 3 (the truth)
-"We acted like giant dildos all weekend. We farted freely and openly. I tried talking to a girl at the bar, but she told me to fuck off and said I looked like Jughead. I drank three coolers and shit my pants."
Good times. Whatever. Jughead is cool.