(no subject)
ah frusteration of frusterations.
is everyone trying too hard? do I try too hard? have I waltzed around, being far too coy for far too long?
and is this what the detectives mean when they say "the gig is up, kid"?
and I believe this is what we call "meredith's defense mode", after I feel attacked, so I curl up in a ball and kick my legs out in the air. *sigh* everytime I criticize someone who's being obvious about trying not to be obvious, do you think that's a strike against me? like, when I confide to emily that I feel I have finally achieved "burnout indie kid" status and can truly look down on everyone like the God I am, is someone somewhere tallying my snide remarks and embittered rants about those less fortunate in the cool department than I?
alright. I'm catching up to myself. Liz has been right the entire time: EVERYONE tries too hard. All anyone ever wanted was a little attention, and really...is that so wrong?
I'm so sick of this coy shit I play with people; pretending I'm a poet or an artist when really I'm just a huge schmooze. okay I can draw. okay I can write. okay fuck that. WHAT is my motivation for that? WHY do I draw and why do I write?
"this guy's a phony! he's a big fat phony!"
sick, I know this is a phase everyone goes through but jesus...this is the worst phase yet.
my purpose in life is clear:
remain indifferent to those who criticize my character. it's a lot easier than changing anything.
is everyone trying too hard? do I try too hard? have I waltzed around, being far too coy for far too long?
and is this what the detectives mean when they say "the gig is up, kid"?
and I believe this is what we call "meredith's defense mode", after I feel attacked, so I curl up in a ball and kick my legs out in the air. *sigh* everytime I criticize someone who's being obvious about trying not to be obvious, do you think that's a strike against me? like, when I confide to emily that I feel I have finally achieved "burnout indie kid" status and can truly look down on everyone like the God I am, is someone somewhere tallying my snide remarks and embittered rants about those less fortunate in the cool department than I?
alright. I'm catching up to myself. Liz has been right the entire time: EVERYONE tries too hard. All anyone ever wanted was a little attention, and really...is that so wrong?
I'm so sick of this coy shit I play with people; pretending I'm a poet or an artist when really I'm just a huge schmooze. okay I can draw. okay I can write. okay fuck that. WHAT is my motivation for that? WHY do I draw and why do I write?
"this guy's a phony! he's a big fat phony!"
sick, I know this is a phase everyone goes through but jesus...this is the worst phase yet.
my purpose in life is clear:
remain indifferent to those who criticize my character. it's a lot easier than changing anything.