And then there was one....
So this is supposed to be the point where I just suck things up, ignore whatever negativity is around me, and move on with life, and for the most part I shall abide by that. I'm tired of being used for specific aspects of JOHN.....personally, professionally, sexually...all of the above. I am more than just a fair weather friend, one that you keep around for when all of your other friends are MIA or out of the area. I'm tired of being just "the creative one" and limited to my scissor and glueing skills. Lastly, and most important, I am tired of being treated as a penis and a mouth and an ass. People need to remember that I have heart and a brain, and the ability to not only do great things for myself, but for others as well. People need to remember that I am a human being and should therefor be treated as such. No longer will I be the tissue they can use and throw away.
I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter what others think of me as long as I think positively about myself and do things in life that are both smart and responsible. I guess this is the quarter life crisis that plagues me now. As I enter the real world, I start a new chapter in my life. No longer am I the college guy, well-known around campus. Now I am just another schmuck trying to make his mark on society. And then I realized that I really don't care. People spend too much time worrying about their status in any given environment. Who has the upper hand?? Who has the right to claim seniority?? Who gets paid more? Has the bigger office? And to that I say...WHO CARES? Those that throw around their status are lacking in other departments. Do they do this because deep down they regret the path they have taken? Are they insecure about themselves?? Probably!! I'd rather struggle to pay my bills, live life paycheck to paycheck, limit my resources, than to allow myself to live a lifestyle of denial, self-righteousness, and belittlement.
I honestly do not know where this entry came from, and at this moment, I just can't seem to stop typing. For the past few years I've been doing things to make others happy. Now, and I know I have said this before, I am going to start thinking about myself. This winter I took a big step in the right direction and resigned my position in the Department of Residential Life at USM. I had previously worked for them for 4 years and then realized I had had enough. I figure, when the cons outweigh the pros, it's time to move on to bigger and better things. Well, I made the realization that the cons outweighed the pros, but I neglected to search for the bigger and better things. I do that a lot. I act before I think, which in the long run tends to shoot me in the ass. Now it's time to just think. The acting an happen later.
Don't read this and think that, "Oh my god, what's wrong with John," because it's not one of those kinds of entries. I'm just expressing my thoughts....getting them down on paper (ehh....computer) to serve as a reminder to myself of who I really am and what I am really about. I've lived through a lot of stress in my life and this little stress attack will just be another chalkmark on my Stress-o-Meter. I strive for perfection and feel drained when that is not achieved. Life is a roller-coaster, and sometimes I just get a little motionsick. I'm feeling that right now.
I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter what others think of me as long as I think positively about myself and do things in life that are both smart and responsible. I guess this is the quarter life crisis that plagues me now. As I enter the real world, I start a new chapter in my life. No longer am I the college guy, well-known around campus. Now I am just another schmuck trying to make his mark on society. And then I realized that I really don't care. People spend too much time worrying about their status in any given environment. Who has the upper hand?? Who has the right to claim seniority?? Who gets paid more? Has the bigger office? And to that I say...WHO CARES? Those that throw around their status are lacking in other departments. Do they do this because deep down they regret the path they have taken? Are they insecure about themselves?? Probably!! I'd rather struggle to pay my bills, live life paycheck to paycheck, limit my resources, than to allow myself to live a lifestyle of denial, self-righteousness, and belittlement.
I honestly do not know where this entry came from, and at this moment, I just can't seem to stop typing. For the past few years I've been doing things to make others happy. Now, and I know I have said this before, I am going to start thinking about myself. This winter I took a big step in the right direction and resigned my position in the Department of Residential Life at USM. I had previously worked for them for 4 years and then realized I had had enough. I figure, when the cons outweigh the pros, it's time to move on to bigger and better things. Well, I made the realization that the cons outweighed the pros, but I neglected to search for the bigger and better things. I do that a lot. I act before I think, which in the long run tends to shoot me in the ass. Now it's time to just think. The acting an happen later.
Don't read this and think that, "Oh my god, what's wrong with John," because it's not one of those kinds of entries. I'm just expressing my thoughts....getting them down on paper (ehh....computer) to serve as a reminder to myself of who I really am and what I am really about. I've lived through a lot of stress in my life and this little stress attack will just be another chalkmark on my Stress-o-Meter. I strive for perfection and feel drained when that is not achieved. Life is a roller-coaster, and sometimes I just get a little motionsick. I'm feeling that right now.