Understanding my "father"
From my oldest brother on Twitter:
DangerWill42I think I'm finally beginning to understand my father. Before he was 25 he had 3 children and a wife to support. I'm 40 I wouldn't want that
And he would later have two more, my older brother Nathan (my childhood tormentor), and finally, myself. Of my four older siblings, Joe (the oldest quoted above) is the most like myself in some ways, and in others, we're the furthest apart. Joe used to always tell me that we had two different sets of parents. He grew up with the drinking, carousing, openly hostile set. Joe used to say that Dad had mellowed out quite a bit over the years. Then he left home when I was still quite young. I was left with our second set of parents. The ones with the hyper-religious facade.
You might think it's better than a dad who comes home drunk and beats you, and on the surface you'd be right. But there's something to be said for Old Dad versus Dad 2.0. At least you knew what you were getting with Old Dad. He was classically abusive. There's tons of books out about coping with that kind of abuse. Plus, it's mainly physical.
Then there's Dad 2.0. The one who, when I was in fourth grade, sat me and my siblings down on the couch and went one by one discussing our individual faults, and how we were going to hell. In fourth grade, your parents telling you about how you're going to hell at such a young age is pretty heavy stuff. I mean, you're taught that God kinda takes it easy on kids with the whole heaven/hell thing. But if I'm a fourth grade kid who's apparently bad enough to warrent an eternity of torment and damnation alongside the likes of Hitler, and I don't even understand how, there's probably not much hope for me, right?
Dad 2.0 hurts you where you can't possibly hope to protect yourself. He leaves scars you can't show to other people, and some of which you don't even realize are there for years to come.
Dad 2.0 leaves you on the edge of the highway wondering if it's worth it to turn around, or if you should just go ahead and step forward.
Dad 2.0 leaves you with feelings that therapy, prescription drugs, and the Bible can't possibly soothe.
Dad 2.0, after all, is just Old Dad with a new routine.
So, yeah, I can't imagine what trying to raise 3 kids at such a young age would be like, but having responsibilites like that isn't an excuse for what he's done.
Maybe in the extra 13 years of experience has provided Joe with some sort of insight I've yet to come across.
Or maybe he just didn't get to see enough of Dad 2.0.