from the corners of my mouth

[johnnyfavorite]

I saw this WikiHow article linked from Google’s home page today, and thought it was something I could learn from, so I read it. This is the most unnerving thing in there: Consider that a person whom you detest is invariably your “perfect” mirror - they are just like you.Okay, that’s a pretty ugly thing to think about. I’ll try to trace along the

Comments

[marilynxmonster]

The update at the end seems contradictory to me. I'm very reflective, empathic and far too analytical for my own good, and that causes me to "hide within" which causes me to appear like I'm all those negative attributes that non-reflective people are supposed to show. I think I care how I'm viewed to the point that I am afraid to be viewed, so I behave timidly in public even though I would be enjoying myself so much more if I just let myself do what the imaginary me in my head is doing (I've got a one woman Glee Club in there). Deep down, I think I'm afraid that no one will like the "imaginary" me or that the things she wants to do will get me in trouble, so I don't let her out very often. Part of Marilyn's role in my life is to be that girl I'm too scared to let others see. The sad thing is that I didn't used to hide her, but I was surrounded by people who loved and understood her and were just as bizarre and quirky. Now they've all moved on with their lives, and the girl I want to be again doesn't know where she stands in my new circle.

Or I just need to be medicated, because these phases of paranoia can't be normal. There's days when it's been to the point that I'm scared everyone (seriously, everyone) secretly hates me. I've never been in trouble at work and some days I leave and forget to do something minute, only to remember three hours later when it's too late. And I will sit and stew with worry that whoever got stuck doing that task is going to be really mad at me and that my boss is going to suddenly decide he hates me and fire me for no good reason. I even broke down on Cameron the other night. I know it goes without saying, but there's a huge difference between fucking and making love, and I feel like I'm only ever getting fucked. It hurts so bad feeling like the only reason you're kept around is so somebody can stick a dick in you. I couldn't hold it in any more and cried and demanded to know whether or not he really loved me.

He looked at me like I had just murdered a litter of puppies.

[johnnyfavorite]

This is a side of you I've never seen. I had no idea that you were like this! I sense you've got many good stories in this vein. I would like to hear more.

Just to make sure I'm not stoking your paranoia, I can assure you that the person I had in mind when I posted that update was definitely not you. It was a guy I used to work with, that Steph became friends with as well. She likes to point out that I am often attracted to charismatic egotistical fair weather friends, and it always ends badly. Were she reading, I think she could come up with another couple of examples.

Specifics of that particular guy and/or you notwithstanding, I believe the words in general are true. If you want people to engage with you, the real you, you have to think about how you are being perceived.