Santaclaustrophobe
DamageKnifton promotions once again excelled themselves in raising the bar for tone-lowering of cherished holidays...to them, and to all present, I give much love and repsect.
One jolly red bastard will, however, be getting NO love, and can instead look forward to receiving only a beartrap in the fireplace come the 25th. He still gets the respect, though...
Having been lured into Santa's lap by the promise of receiving good things from his copious sack, I proceeded to give ol' Nicholas a lapdance, convinced that performing the national dance of his homeland would surely increase the number of Transformers and mountain bikes coming my way.
Haribo.
A very small bag of haribo.
Granted, it was starmix (had it been tangfastic I assure you that that chortling home-invader would need to invest in a wheelchair-accessible sleigh), but still I couldn't help feeling somewhat disgusted with myself for having just ground my ass into the crotch of a very, very old man for such a paltry sum.
Several drinks, and much glowering later, I plucked up the courage to express these sentiments to the big man himself, and having located the stingy, velour-coated pederast at the bar I marched up to state my case:
JD "Oi! Santa! Cunt! ...where the fuck's my bike..?"
SC [without looking up from the drinks list] "I'm fairly certain you've already had several this year..."
O_O ...ouch.
What did I get for Christmas? ...I got molested, ripped off and totally pwnd, that's what.
One jolly red bastard will, however, be getting NO love, and can instead look forward to receiving only a beartrap in the fireplace come the 25th. He still gets the respect, though...
Having been lured into Santa's lap by the promise of receiving good things from his copious sack, I proceeded to give ol' Nicholas a lapdance, convinced that performing the national dance of his homeland would surely increase the number of Transformers and mountain bikes coming my way.
Haribo.
A very small bag of haribo.
Granted, it was starmix (had it been tangfastic I assure you that that chortling home-invader would need to invest in a wheelchair-accessible sleigh), but still I couldn't help feeling somewhat disgusted with myself for having just ground my ass into the crotch of a very, very old man for such a paltry sum.
Several drinks, and much glowering later, I plucked up the courage to express these sentiments to the big man himself, and having located the stingy, velour-coated pederast at the bar I marched up to state my case:
JD "Oi! Santa! Cunt! ...where the fuck's my bike..?"
SC [without looking up from the drinks list] "I'm fairly certain you've already had several this year..."
O_O ...ouch.
What did I get for Christmas? ...I got molested, ripped off and totally pwnd, that's what.