(no subject)
I'm sitting here, having a fairly good end to a not so terrible week.
it's more of a good begginging to a good future of weekends and what not.
I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to Homecoming, despite people wanting me to. If you have any real, legitimit reasons for me to go, i'd love to hear your thoughts. But I'm going to be hanging out with Laura instead. Less formal clothing but ultimately cooler.
I'm having one of those creepy realization weeks again I have a strong urge to tell people uncensored stuff from my heart, you know. There are people out there who I really do love, and think are beautiful, and I will never meet anyone like them again. And I have to enjoy that for what it is, because I fail at making that any more, no matter how much either of us wants it.
Also, I'm sick of not existing. Not like all, out of mind out of sight, turning invisible because no one cares kind of not existing. But there are people out there who sometimes decide I'm not cool enough to talk to. Or other people are cooler than I am no matter what I do (or what THEY do, for that matter). At first I just thought I was really a bitter jealous person. And jealousy does play a part, because these are people I really love, so I thought that I could just be a little possesive and protective of the people I love. But I've come to a realization that I'm not just jealous, it's not just in my head.
I'm being dropped like I'm hot. All the time.
In a really unfair kind of way. Like, sure talk to other people, have little school girl crushes on other people. I get that. That's cool. But don't treat me like shit because I'm not them, you know?
I know I've been a little stressed lately, so sorry if I snap, but people have been treating me more like shit lately. So much that I even get annoyed when my favourite people take the slightest (and most deserved) shot at me. This isn't good. I need outlets I know.
But people...is it really all my fault? Am I really all to blame? Do you people really think that I'm not ever right? And do you feel the need to say that. Must people verbally abuse and belittle me? I have more than enough of that in my home life, kids, please, go easy.
And while I'm pissedaly ranting about stuff. No body ever have a crush on me. Ever. Please, dear God.
EVER
That being said I really need to be less virginal. I'm 1 and 1 with Maggie Bridges. MAGGIE BRIDGES! I mean I love her more than I could hope to put into, but that says something doesn't it. I should have found some Matches and smoked the coffee in Molly's Pipe, that would have made me happier
And my mom's watching Donnie Darko and keeps asking me questions like "is he on drugs? he is isn't he, or he's schitzo, or is it real?"
it's kind of funny, but mostly wierd