Relapse
This is the conversation I just had with a woman on the phone, kind of scratchy-voiced, probably somewhere between 25-35 years old?
Good afternoon, Snug Harbor Productions.
-Did you hang up on me on purpose?
Excuse me?
-...
Hello?
-Hello? Who's this?
Hi, this is Snug Harbor Productions.
-How many people work there?
Um, may I ask who's calling?
-Dana.
I -- Dana who?
-Why does that matter, I asked you a question.
Yes, and I'm trying to figure out who's calling and why you want that information so--
-Because I got a call from this number and I wanna know --
You got a call from Snug Harbor Productions?
-I don't know, I got a call from this number, 215-354 --
Well, this is 212, not 215
-I got caller ID, babe, it says 215.
Well, I can fairly well guarantee you this is 212, so I think you have the wrong number.
-Well, I'll call back, and if it's you, I guess we'll know, right?
I guess so.
-All right, babe.
A few minutes pass. I assume she is now happily (i.e., crazily) talking to whoever called her from 215-354-6510. Then the phone rings.
Good afternoon, Snug Harbor Productions.
-See, I told you.
Well, I -- I don't exactly know what to tell you.
-I can't believe this, I got a call from this number, some guy named Ray --
Well, there's no one named Ray working at this office, so --
-He gave me a wrong name? I can't believe that.
I, uh --
-What kind of company is this.
It's a theatrical management firm in New York.
-What do you do?
We, uh, manage theatre.
-Are you in theatre?
I am, yes.
-So you dance and everything, and all that?
Not so much me, personally, no.
-What's your name?
Pitr.
-How old are you?
22.
-You married?
No, I'm not.
-Good, I'd feel bad for you if you were married.
Well my brother was 22 when he got married, and I felt bad for him.
-Do you have caller ID?
No, I... I just have a phone.
-Oh, that sucks. You go to school?
I did, yes.
-Where?
Columbia University.
-You got a girlfriend?
No.
-Are you ugly?
Um... it's not for me to say.
-This guy Ray, I met him on the internet --
Ah...
- -- sent me a picture, probably not him, it's probably someone else's picture, he's probably not that good looking.
Well, Dana, I hope you eventually figure out who called you, and --
-Oh, I couldn't care less. I'm just really bored.
Well, uh... then... it sounds like you've already satisfied all your hopes and goals (this is where I really started to lose track of why I hadn't just hung up and moved on, and gibberish started replacing actual speech on my part)
-Can I call back and talk to you when I'm bored?
Um, sure, I'm not sure it'll be me, but --
-I'll ask for you.
Uh, ok. Bye, Dana.
-Bye, babe.
I'm now going to be nervous every time I answer the phone at work.
Brian: holy shit
that's an unbelievably fucked up conversation
Sent at 2:58 PM on Monday
me: yeah no shit
do you know what This American Life is
Brian: no
me: it's a radio show on NPR that airs every week
1 hour, different theme every week
usually split into 3 acts, but sometimes 1, 2, or 4
different kinds of stories on that theme
it's one of the greatest works of our generation
it's been going for about 10 years
and is just these fascinating stories that blend the staggering beauty and tragedy and comedy of everyday life with these grandiose world events sometimes
you should go to their website sometime and listen to just like a random episode
anyway, I've been listening to it a lot
I'm going backwards through the archives
and so much of it are these stories of ordinary people who have weirdness thrust upon them
and they just go with it
and I think that listening to TAL so much is why I didn't just hang up on her
it felt like an act from one of their shows
Sent at 3:03 PM on Monday
Brian: fictionitis
Good afternoon, Snug Harbor Productions.
-Did you hang up on me on purpose?
Excuse me?
-...
Hello?
-Hello? Who's this?
Hi, this is Snug Harbor Productions.
-How many people work there?
Um, may I ask who's calling?
-Dana.
I -- Dana who?
-Why does that matter, I asked you a question.
Yes, and I'm trying to figure out who's calling and why you want that information so--
-Because I got a call from this number and I wanna know --
You got a call from Snug Harbor Productions?
-I don't know, I got a call from this number, 215-354 --
Well, this is 212, not 215
-I got caller ID, babe, it says 215.
Well, I can fairly well guarantee you this is 212, so I think you have the wrong number.
-Well, I'll call back, and if it's you, I guess we'll know, right?
I guess so.
-All right, babe.
A few minutes pass. I assume she is now happily (i.e., crazily) talking to whoever called her from 215-354-6510. Then the phone rings.
Good afternoon, Snug Harbor Productions.
-See, I told you.
Well, I -- I don't exactly know what to tell you.
-I can't believe this, I got a call from this number, some guy named Ray --
Well, there's no one named Ray working at this office, so --
-He gave me a wrong name? I can't believe that.
I, uh --
-What kind of company is this.
It's a theatrical management firm in New York.
-What do you do?
We, uh, manage theatre.
-Are you in theatre?
I am, yes.
-So you dance and everything, and all that?
Not so much me, personally, no.
-What's your name?
Pitr.
-How old are you?
22.
-You married?
No, I'm not.
-Good, I'd feel bad for you if you were married.
Well my brother was 22 when he got married, and I felt bad for him.
-Do you have caller ID?
No, I... I just have a phone.
-Oh, that sucks. You go to school?
I did, yes.
-Where?
Columbia University.
-You got a girlfriend?
No.
-Are you ugly?
Um... it's not for me to say.
-This guy Ray, I met him on the internet --
Ah...
- -- sent me a picture, probably not him, it's probably someone else's picture, he's probably not that good looking.
Well, Dana, I hope you eventually figure out who called you, and --
-Oh, I couldn't care less. I'm just really bored.
Well, uh... then... it sounds like you've already satisfied all your hopes and goals (this is where I really started to lose track of why I hadn't just hung up and moved on, and gibberish started replacing actual speech on my part)
-Can I call back and talk to you when I'm bored?
Um, sure, I'm not sure it'll be me, but --
-I'll ask for you.
Uh, ok. Bye, Dana.
-Bye, babe.
I'm now going to be nervous every time I answer the phone at work.
Brian: holy shit
that's an unbelievably fucked up conversation
Sent at 2:58 PM on Monday
me: yeah no shit
do you know what This American Life is
Brian: no
me: it's a radio show on NPR that airs every week
1 hour, different theme every week
usually split into 3 acts, but sometimes 1, 2, or 4
different kinds of stories on that theme
it's one of the greatest works of our generation
it's been going for about 10 years
and is just these fascinating stories that blend the staggering beauty and tragedy and comedy of everyday life with these grandiose world events sometimes
you should go to their website sometime and listen to just like a random episode
anyway, I've been listening to it a lot
I'm going backwards through the archives
and so much of it are these stories of ordinary people who have weirdness thrust upon them
and they just go with it
and I think that listening to TAL so much is why I didn't just hang up on her
it felt like an act from one of their shows
Sent at 3:03 PM on Monday
Brian: fictionitis