Same Old Bri... Sort of
It's been exactly six long months without a real update from me. Yikes. I am slacking on my journal game. I guess I have just been waiting for the right stuff to tell y'all at the right time. And I think it has come. So here it goes, an update on my life...
SCHOOL:
I AM UP OUT OF THIS PIECE IN 2 MONTHS!!! Yeah, so I am leaving my Ph.D. program at the end of this semester. I got my M.S. last May and I'm taking that degree and running... straight to LAW SCHOOL!! I have decided to enroll at the University of San Francisco in their JD/MBA program to study either banking/financial law or entertainment law. I am waaaay too excited to finally get to study something that I want to study and not something I am studying because I can make good money when I leave school or because I have natural aptitude. A wise person (Erin Miles) once told me that we should always study things we like.
The Ph.D. just wasn't for me. I gave it a good honest try for 3 years. I went through all of the proper motions and even managed to temporarily convince myself that I liked what I was studying and the future career to which it was leading. And I did, to some extent. But I didn't like doing research in an engineering arena, I didn't like my department or the people (faculty, staff, other grad students), I didn't like trying to study finance around civil engineers who did NOT understand me or what I was doing, and I was just miserable. I became queen of avoiding my advisor and the engineering building at all costs and spent my time plotting my out. And I found it. San Francisco here I come!
Reasons why I chose USF School of Law and the San Francisco Bay Area:
- Their JD/MBA program is stellar.
- I just felt comfortable when I visited the campus.
- The school is a good size (195 people per class year).
- The school and library building are very new and improved.
- I *heart* San Francisco and the Bay Area and I have since I went to Oakland with my church for the first time in 1995. I have always wanted to live there. I love the weather, the culture, the people, EVERYTHING!!
- I am only 6 hours from LA for auditions, classes, and Boogiezone (more about that way later).
- San Francisco is where cool banking/finance stuff happens, so a job is a given.
- Culture Shock Oakland.
- I got peoples in the Bay and also in LA. (I don't have many peoples in FL.)
- USF gave me an awesome scholarship so there's less debt.
- In and Out Burger. (Getting hungry just thinking about it.)
Speaking of food...
WEIGHT LOSS:
On October 7, 2005 I weighed 171 pounds.
This is not the most I have ever weighed (that number is 195 and happened in July/August 2003) but it is definitely heavy. I wore a size 12 or 14 in clothing and I was a 36DD. On this day, as this version of Sabrina, I went to my first appointment with the woman who helped me change my life and my body.
My nutritionist. Her name is Allison and she is so f-ing awesome.
I learned new ways to eat the things I love, I learned new things to eat, I learned how to still treat myself and give in to my MANY cravings (buffalo wings, fried chicken, grape soda, IHOP, cheeseburgers, cookies, etc) without going overboard. I learned how to count calories, without limiting myself to grilled chicken, veggies, and Crystal Light (blech). Allison helped me have a healthier relationship with food AND to actually enjoy cooking (and I am quite good at it now, come to Cashville or the Bay and I got you). I eat a LOT less now and I may even eat better. Easier than LA Weight Loss, Weight Watchers, South Beach, the cabbage soup diet, or any other ridiculous plan. I eat when I am hungry. I stop when I'm not. Sometimes I eat cookies (and only cookies) for dinner. Yesterday I ate 8 fried chicken wings and a cheese danish. It's kind of amazing.
I studied under Allison for 4 months, through Thanksgiving AND Christmas. Most people gain weight over the holidays. I managed to lose. Then I had my final weigh-in in February and set out to continue my weight loss trend on my own. Today I went back to the office to weigh myself, get some more forms, and just check in with the staff there.
I now weigh 155.9 pounds.
I wear a size 8 and I am a 34D. Most of the clothes in my closet are too big. Some stuff falls off of me. My bathing suit is too big. I'm not yet where I want to be, but I know I can get there.
And I love it.
It's crazy that body weight is such a huge (no pun intended) concern of mine, but if you know me, you know how big (no pun intended) of a focus this is and has been in my life. I've been chubby since high school-ish, I guess. I gained 55 pounds over my 5 years in college. I have been on every type of diet imaginable, to no avail. I didn't even get the fluctuations that most dieters do. I was on a steady increase. And so I made "it" a priority. My weight has been in the forefront of mind for so long that I forgot what it was like to not worry about it. I can't say that I don't worry about it anymore. But now at least I know how to be healthy and that's far better than being thin anyday. Although, the complements from my friends and fam, the attention from random dudes, the newly baggy clothes, and the newfound joys of window shopping are pretty fun too. I know I can (and have) done it. And now that that business is done, I can focus my problem-solving mind towards the other three resolutions I make every year and never manage to keep...
DANCE:
So here is my current dance/aerobics schedule --
Monday
4:00-5:15pm teach hip-hop/funk aerobics and awesome abs
7:30-8:30pm take hip-hop dance
Tuesday
4:00-5:00pm take Boot Camp
5:00-8:00pm prepare for dance classes
8:30-9:30pm teach intermediate hip-hop dance
9:30-10:30pm VIBE/Momentum rehearsal
Wednesday
6:30-7:30pm teach Cardioboxing
8:00-9:00pm teach beginning hip-hop dance
9:00-11:00pm VIBE rehearsal
Thursday
7:30-9:30pm take intermediate and performance hip-hop funk
Friday
3:15-4:30pm teach hip-hop at Harpeth Hall School for Girls
Saturday
10:00-12:00pm teach performance hip-hop
Sunday
12:30-3:30pm VIBE Rehearsal
And then I do it all again. I love to dance. I love to teach. I love aerobics. I love hip-hop. I don't love having to do it 7 days a week. It's like my creative mind never gets a break. I have realized that I like to choreograph at my leisure. I don't like to have to do it to pay the bills or fulfill an obligation. Or maybe I just have too many dance-related obligations. All I know is, I am quite glad that I figured this out before I moved to Los Angeles to try the whole dancer thing out there.
Now don't mis-interpret this realization. In no way will I EVER give up dancing. I plan to do hip-hop as long as both of my legs are still working. I'll probably own a gym/studio one day and definitely teach once a week WHEREVER I am and WHOEVER I become. In fact, once my first year of law school is behind me, I plan to audition for Culture Shock Oakland and/or the Golden State Warriors Dancers. I want to dance, it keeps me sane. I just can't continue at the pace at which I am going. It's not quite for me.
FAMILY:
There's always a little bit of bad news. My fiesty grandmother (Moma Teenie, for any of you familiar with my stories) is very sick. She's 88 years old and quite possibly the strongest person I know. In addition to fighting with me for almost 25 years, she's fought (and beat) breast cancer twice and outlived every single one of her 9 siblings, younger and older. She was rushed to the hospital on March 1 and now she's in a nursing home cause she has dementia and loss of mobility from being on a respirator for 2 weeks. I went home to see her two weeks ago. She looked so small in that big hospital bed. My family has really been coming together to take care of her. My mother and her two older sisters are doing a phenomenal job of taking care of my grandmother and making sure that my grandfather is okay too. I love my fam. They're awesome. My grandmother is so blessed to have them. And so am I.
LIFE:
Truly, I am the happiest I have been in a looooooong time.
I have two awesome cities that I can call home (Baltimore and Nashville) with a third on the way. I have had the BEST time here in Nashville. I got to join the BEST sorority, meet the BEST people, make some more of the BEST friends, eat the BEST food (Southern cooking can't be touched!), and learn so much about myself and what I am really all about. Plus, they paid me WELL.
I have also slowed down my life a lot. I know that looking at my list of dance-related activities, it might not appear that way, but I have. I used to live a supersized existence. I am a lot more simple now. My current mantra,
"2006... only what's important to me"
is serving me well. Whenever I feel tired and/or overwhelmed, I think about that saying and then decide what NEEDS to be done and what just doesn't. And then I just do or don't do it. Simple. I'm telling y'all, it's miraculously soothing.
I have basically quit drinking. Liquor is extra calories and usually causes me to waste my weekends being unproductively passed out instead of being up and dancing. I used to waste entire valuable days. Now I am bright and bushy-tailed for 10am dance on Saturday and 9am Bible Study on Sunday. I also can be found on many a Friday or Saturday night curled up on my sofa and a) watching Law & Order b) making that Cashville/Bay Area connection over the phone or c) reading. And I love it. I still go out (of course y'all, I've only slowed down, not stopped, sheesh, who do you think I am?) just not as frequently. I refuse to be that girl who is a staple at every single party and event. I've been her since 1999. It's time to let someone else hold down the bar. You can also find me in church every Sunday. My friend DJ (a Vandy divinity grad student) invited me to his church back in September. I started going in October and have been going to New Covenant Christian Church ever since. As far as I am concerned this is the best change I have made, better even than losing almost 20 pounds and leaving a miserable graduate program. In Him, I have found true happiness and contentment. You can't beat that.
I'm also still working on stuff. (I mean, who isn't?) I need to stop cursing as much as I do. I need to learn how to better manage my money (ie, stop ballin like a Hilton heiress). I need to learn when to keep my big mouth shut. I could go on as I am sure everyone could. But I pray on it and work on it and that's just about all anyone can do.
MY FUTURE:
I am sort of chillin right now. After April 9, (my last dance show here at Vandy) I will be able to see straight and actually begin to think about the next tumultuous 9 months of my life. Towards the end of April, I gotta go back to USF for admitted students day. Then it's back to Nashville for Vanderbilt graduation (other people's, not mine). Then in May, I have a week of CRAZINESS including Twin and John's Med School Graduation, Sogini & Jinu's Wedding (back in TN), Anu & Amit's Wedding, Matt's College Graduation, Trip to the Bahamas with Mama & Matt, and MY 25TH BIRTHDAY!!! Then it's back to Cashville (again) for a summer of working a mindless job (I don't want to think), banking as much cash as possible, living out my lease, and having a good old Southern summer. I'm thinking weekend road trips, barbecues, and afternoons spent by the pool. In August, I pack up all my earthly belongings and (pay someone else to) load them onto a truck bound for San Francisco. Then I hop in the 4-year-old Honda Accord (hopefully with *good company*), crank up the stereo, open the sunroof, and follow the path of the truck, watching my USA go by in the process. And on August 15, when new student orientation begins at USF, I get to start the rest of my life...