I'll Have My Life in Medium, Please
I'd like to raise my glass in celebration of life! Cheers! (Me in Charlotte this summer.)
Anyways, all is well on the Sabrina front. I have been quite the busy little girl with school, research stuff, TA-ing, aerobics, dance, VIBE, NPHC, and just being. I know I swore I would cut back on all the activity, but here's the thing. I am really only in two organizations that don't relate to dance, AKA and NPHC. And I refuse to do anything too participatory in my chapter of AKA because when I try, I am met with resistance and negativity, not constructive criticism and flexibility. So basically giving up some activity would mean not dancing or working out as much, and that is not the kind of cutting back that I want to do. And NPHC is my way of still working for the sorority, just kinda indirectly.
But I am good. These first few weeks back in school have been so great. I have been partying with the finest and funnest ladies in Nashville (This just in... the ladies are still having good times despite the unfavorable conditions in Nashville.) We have been all over the place acting a fool and laughing and drinking. I likes my BAPs. And Amber (and Mike) got a puppy so I am the godmother of a beautiful little 2-month-old half Chihuahua, half Black Lab named Riley Dior. She is all Black, wears designer puppy polo shirts, and is absolutely the cutest thing! She's become one of the girls too, as she also is a Black American Princess.
VIBE has taken off tremendously!! We had auditions Labor Day weekend and now we have a squad of 16 people (12 girls, 4 guys) and 5 or so performances for this fall semester. We are amped and ready to perform. I cannot explain the amount of love I have for this group. We have a blast in rehearsal and the group is really bonding. And it is such a blessing to be able to learn and perform the style of dance I love the most. Abby feels me. It's unreal to think about what it was almost a year ago and what it is now. Awesome. Here is our Fall 2005 performance schedule:
- Wednesday, September 14 - Hurricane Katrina Relief Benefit Concert
- Friday, September 30 @ 7pm - Luau Party at the Rec
- Saturday, October 1 @ 3:30pm - Towers Tailgate Party for Vandy vs. MTSU
- October 10-15 - Vanderbilt Homecoming (one of those days we'll dance somewhere)
- Saturday, November 5 @ 7pm - Mens Basketball Exhibition Game
I am teaching my first dance class EVER all alone by myself this semester. My students aren't dancers, and it's weird cause I used to working with people who have a dance background, no matter how limited. My students are just regular people who have the desire to dance hip-hop (like most Americans). So I can't juts plow through choreography and then clean the piece to make everyone do the steps exactly correctly. I have to teach slowly and make up stuff that isn't too crazy or intricate but still holds their attention and makes them have fun, and they definitely don't have to be perfect at the end. I think it's going okay (except when I had to leave class in the middle to go perform with VIBE). They might actually like me! I was a little nervous (and still am everytime I walk into that classroom to teach) but I am beginning to realize that I don't have to be Chris to be good. I can just be Sabrina and dance and teach like Sabrina and they'll still learn a lot and have fun. *sigh*
So I went to get a trim and a press two weeks ago and I fell asleep while James was cutting my hair. As a result, my hair is super short. He took off a good three inches. Here it is straightened.
It's shorter than its been in a while. And it's ALL ONE COLOR. No more red or light brown or orange or pink or blonde-ish or white or anything. It's all Black! I think I am going to wait a while before I put any more colors in it. I want to let it all grow back first.
School is coming along. I have made a definite decision to go to law school and concentrate on banking/financial and/or corporate law. I have decided that I want to work in the legal or compliance part of a bank or financial institution. I am applying to these schools:
- Vanderbilt (cause I already go here)
- Boston University (cause they have a specific CENTER for Banking and Financial Law)
- University of Miami
- Howard, U Balt, UMD, GWU, American (cause these schools are in DC/MD which means IMF, World Bank, crabcakes, and home)
- San Diego State (cause I can probably get in here)
- some school in San Fran (just cause!)
My Ph.D. stuff is going okay right now. I have two confirmed members of my dissertation committee (my advisor and another professor in my department whom I have had for two class and absolutely ADORE), one more I have invited, and one who said no but gave me suggestions for two other business school professors to ask. Plus I have my two non-voting members, my manager and my mentor from Bank of America. I am meeting with my advisor tomorrow to discuss my research progress (I'm in heavy literature review stage right now) and my comprehensive exams. I finally, truly enjoy what I am studying and will be really excited when I am done with my coursework (May 2006) and with my comps (Jan 2007) and qualifier (May 2006).
There are a few other developments in my life, mostly about my feelings and such. I'd go into it here, but that would be stupid. So suffice it say that given everything you've read so far and all the things you won't read, I am quite a content Sabrina. ::grins::
So after saying aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllll of that, I am gonna say this. I am in the process of downsizing my life. I know, I know, I just listed about a million things that I am currently involved in, but hear me out. Downsizing doesn't necessarily mean I am going to quit everything and everyone and sit in my house and play Dungeons and Dragons. It means I am going to shift my life to include only those things and people that I want to put my all into. I live a supersized life. I do a LOT, I know a TON of people, I don't stop moving until I get in my bed at night and even then my mind is still going and sometimes I am choreographing until I fall asleep. I am tired of supersized. I am looking more for something medium-sized (like a lot of my clothing). I am tired of relationships that are one-sided. I am tired of placing emphasis on people and situations that are not only unimportant, but also may be detrimental to me and my health. I want to be about who and what is going to be there and matter in the long run.
So here's my plan (cause I always have a plan, you know that). The important things in my life are school, law school, VIBE, dance/aerobics, losing weight, finding a church in Nashville and going to it frequently, checking up on my mother, brother, and grandparents more frequently, and keeping my apartment clean. The important people... that's a little harder. I love people. I love all kinds of people. I love making new friends, and having conversation, and just being social. So I am not getting rid of people in my life. I am just going to limit my involvement with all people and limit the energy I expend on people who are cool, but aren't my ride-or-die homies. I'm just going to learn how to say no sometimes. Like, I don't have to go out every night of the weekend for my friends to still like me. I don't have to always be the one to offer a ride, or some money, or my help. I can let someone else fill in.
And I am learning that sometimes it's okay to grow apart from people. I don't have the same friendship needs that I had 4 or 7 or even 2 years ago. And thus, it is okay to let people who were so close then, fade away and just become happy memories. And it sounds horrible when you write it down or say it out loud but it's true. Sometimes I'm the only one making the effort to keep friendships alive and I have decided that I don't want to be that anymore. Life-long best friends, life-long good friends, and life-long friends (my levels of friendship) are in my life right now. I don't have to try to make every person I know fit into one of those three categories. Some people can just be my good friends or best friends for a season. I won't die if I can't call them in 10 years to babysit (or father my children). I'm an adult now, capable of making adult decisions and having adult relationships. I don't have the time energy or desire to play "Who Has the Most Friends?" anymore.
So basically all this downsizing thing is about is looking out for me and my best interests. Watch out for me. I'm doing big things in medium ways.