Commitments & Truly-Significant Others
Sooooo...
My meeting with advisor manager mentor went pretty well. Here is their plan. I am going back to Vanderbilt for one more year to do the following things. a) Complete 3-4 more courses (mainly in Electrical Engineering). b) Study for, take, and PASS my comprehensive exams. c) Design my interdisciplinary major and have it approved by the Graduate School. d) Formalize my research and begin my qualifying exam (research proposal). The topic I will be researching is coming directly from my manager at the Bank and is both interesting and highly quantitative (if you want to know what it is, ask and I will explain). Already I have begun working and I have had to call upon some mathematics and programming skills that have been suppressed for half a decade. After I have done those four things above (sometime between May and August of 2006) I will be moving to Charlotte, NC and finishing out the PhD doing my research at the Bank. Then, presumably, they'll hire me for real. In terms of cash money, the Bank is not paying for my next year, but they have "committed" to pay for me once I get back here next year. So in turn, my advisor has "committed" to finding me some sort of funding for this next year. (His idea of sufficient funding is paltry at best, so I will probably be taking out some sort of small student loan for this year.) I also still plan to apply to Law School for Fall 2006, which will throw a wrench in this plan, but we'll deal with that when I get in.
So that's where we are right now. I have a plan, I just have to make it happen. All in all, I should be a doctor by the end of 2007 (at the latest). Now is when I need y'all to start praying for me hardcore. Although the plan is laid out, it is not an easy road. And I don't subscribe to stress, but I do like to worry about failure and then plan possible exit strategies just in case (as evidenced by the post before last). Once I start down this road, it will be a battle to keep me on it.
It doesn't feel right. I don't feel like this is what I want to do with the rest of my life/career. I sit in a cubicle by myself all day long and stare at a computer screen. B of A is a heavy meeting culture so I do spend a significant amount of time in meetings, but not enough time moving around or outdoors. I also like the emphasis placed on working collaboratively to solve problems and the project management type of stuff we do. But once again, I am drawn back to what makes me happiest (besides dance and aerobics)...
I am back to wanting to plan events, y'all. Like for real. I know I talk about this ALL THE TIME but I really am ready to take the necessary steps to make this happen. So while I work hard on my school stuff and my law school apps, I also plan to spend some time learning the event management business and what it takes to make it there. And then in May, I will make a decision. Or something. Who really knows. I may not actually get anywhere with event planning and then I default into research at the Bank. I wish I had answers. Oh well, I am young yet.
Enough about me and onto the good stuff. Me ranting about something I have observed in life...
So it seems to me that a lot of my friends are getting (and keeping) "Truly-Significant Others". I don't mean like they all have boyfriends and girlfriends and are dating and shit, but I mean like these are the boyfriends and girlfriends that MATTER. Like the ones they're gonna be with forever, or at least for a significant amount of time or during a significant period in life. These are the truly-significant others who will serve as dates to such monumental events as 10-year high school reunions, other people's weddings, family gatherings, and company holiday parties. The truly-significant other doesn't go away when you move out of state, s/he moves with you or spends the necessary cash to visit enough to make it work until y'all can live in the same place again. You and the truly-significant other may have things that belong to you jointly and equally like apartments, mortgages, pets, kids, flat screen TVs. The truly-significant other has not only met your parents, but has their cell phone numbers in their phone in addition to yours even though you've not really lived at home since the 90's. Truly-significant others plan vacations together and are known to have the same cell phone carrier because "couples talk free". They are truly-significant when you can take them to the club with you AND have a good old time AND be okay if they dance with someone else (cause you know who they are going home with) AND nothing overly dramatic happens AND no one around you thinks this is in the least bit weird. And most importantly, truly-significant others are in LOVE. They are not in it solely for the money or the looks or the other "perks" or cause it's convenient. Your friends don't care if you think their truly-significant other is funny-looking or dull or unfaithful because they're in it to win it, possibly into marriage. They are finna make it work... because it is truly significant.
It's amazing how that happens. How friends you thought were normal, all of a sudden find this other person who makes them happier than they can ever remember being and then that happiness-bringer becomes a significant part of their life, and sometimes yours too. I have some absolutely fantastic new people in my life now because some of my friends and family have absolutely fantastic truly-significant others. And I think it is great. It's cute to watch because it's not fake or sickening. It's a positive life-changing thing for everyone involved because it happens naturally. It is a learning experience for me because I get to observe what happy couples look like (not much of a good example with my parents so this process is quite interesting to me). And it's happening around me like an epidemic.
I think that being 24 means that the early stage of weddings is about to finish, and it is notorious for ending with a bang. The early stage starts right after high school and continues until just about everyone has moved out of their parent's house and gotten their own health insurance and Sam's club membership. The middle stage of weddings occurs at the completion of advanced degrees (PhD, MD, JD, MBA, etc) or at the first or second job change or promotion and goes until just about 35 (in time to still be "traditional" young parents). Then the later stage starts somewhere around 40 and ends in the nursing home. (I know that's a big range, but I am speaking specifically of first marriages and marriages later in life are often second ones.) The early stage finishes with a bang because there are still people who believe that marriage must be done while one is still in their 20's. So for some people, between 24 and 27, there is a perceived hustle to get into that dress (or sari) and get down that aisle.
And even the ones who aren't getting married are making serious commitments. I have more than a few friends living in sin (lol, please) with their truly-significant other. Some even purchase real estate together. And I know many who have children together. (Which is a bigger commitment, a 30-year mortgage or a kid you gotta support until age 18? Ha ha, you'd better buy that house!)
And here I am. Commitment-free and not sad cause I don't have my truly-significant other, but not expressly elated either. I throw my energy into school (yeah right) and dance and aerobics and shopping and trying to find the meaning of life so it doesn't really feel like anything is missing until I go to buy baby clothes for a gift for a good friend and think about the day (waaaaaaaaaay in the future) when I'll be shopping for a mini-Sabrina. Or I get an e-mail from a friend who moved down two states and her boyfriend dutifully followed and moved right along with her (so she could pursue HER dreams) and think about my upcoming move to a beautiful one bedroom apartment that I look forward to inhabiting all by myself for the next year (so I can pursue MY dreams). Or I try to plan my 25th birthday celebration (Wednesday, May 24, 2006, biatches) but realize that I will be in a wedding the weekend before (in DC) and attending a wedding the weekend after (in Chattanooga, TN). It is at these times when I wonder if my life is EXACTLY what/where I want it to be.
I like my life. A LOT. I even love it. But it is seems so different from the lives of the half of my friends who have truly-significant others and have made these various commitments. Mine seems funner, but theirs seem safer. I am allowed to be self-serving at all times and no one faults me for it. But when I get home at night, no one except Everene is worried about where I have been. And most of the time, she is unaware that I was even out (as I no longer live in her house).
Ugh. I hate to be this open. This is not a "woe is me"-type entry. Waste no pity and don't worry about me, cause while you're worrying I'll surely be up in the club scheming drinks from guys and dancing all night long. That's what I do. But it's not ALL I do. I am definitely very independent but this doesn't mean that I don't ever need anything from anyone. Someday I will stop irrationally claiming a fear of commitment and open myself up to chill with someone for whom I am truly significant. And maybe I'll think he is too. :)
My meeting with advisor manager mentor went pretty well. Here is their plan. I am going back to Vanderbilt for one more year to do the following things. a) Complete 3-4 more courses (mainly in Electrical Engineering). b) Study for, take, and PASS my comprehensive exams. c) Design my interdisciplinary major and have it approved by the Graduate School. d) Formalize my research and begin my qualifying exam (research proposal). The topic I will be researching is coming directly from my manager at the Bank and is both interesting and highly quantitative (if you want to know what it is, ask and I will explain). Already I have begun working and I have had to call upon some mathematics and programming skills that have been suppressed for half a decade. After I have done those four things above (sometime between May and August of 2006) I will be moving to Charlotte, NC and finishing out the PhD doing my research at the Bank. Then, presumably, they'll hire me for real. In terms of cash money, the Bank is not paying for my next year, but they have "committed" to pay for me once I get back here next year. So in turn, my advisor has "committed" to finding me some sort of funding for this next year. (His idea of sufficient funding is paltry at best, so I will probably be taking out some sort of small student loan for this year.) I also still plan to apply to Law School for Fall 2006, which will throw a wrench in this plan, but we'll deal with that when I get in.
So that's where we are right now. I have a plan, I just have to make it happen. All in all, I should be a doctor by the end of 2007 (at the latest). Now is when I need y'all to start praying for me hardcore. Although the plan is laid out, it is not an easy road. And I don't subscribe to stress, but I do like to worry about failure and then plan possible exit strategies just in case (as evidenced by the post before last). Once I start down this road, it will be a battle to keep me on it.
It doesn't feel right. I don't feel like this is what I want to do with the rest of my life/career. I sit in a cubicle by myself all day long and stare at a computer screen. B of A is a heavy meeting culture so I do spend a significant amount of time in meetings, but not enough time moving around or outdoors. I also like the emphasis placed on working collaboratively to solve problems and the project management type of stuff we do. But once again, I am drawn back to what makes me happiest (besides dance and aerobics)...
I am back to wanting to plan events, y'all. Like for real. I know I talk about this ALL THE TIME but I really am ready to take the necessary steps to make this happen. So while I work hard on my school stuff and my law school apps, I also plan to spend some time learning the event management business and what it takes to make it there. And then in May, I will make a decision. Or something. Who really knows. I may not actually get anywhere with event planning and then I default into research at the Bank. I wish I had answers. Oh well, I am young yet.
Enough about me and onto the good stuff. Me ranting about something I have observed in life...
So it seems to me that a lot of my friends are getting (and keeping) "Truly-Significant Others". I don't mean like they all have boyfriends and girlfriends and are dating and shit, but I mean like these are the boyfriends and girlfriends that MATTER. Like the ones they're gonna be with forever, or at least for a significant amount of time or during a significant period in life. These are the truly-significant others who will serve as dates to such monumental events as 10-year high school reunions, other people's weddings, family gatherings, and company holiday parties. The truly-significant other doesn't go away when you move out of state, s/he moves with you or spends the necessary cash to visit enough to make it work until y'all can live in the same place again. You and the truly-significant other may have things that belong to you jointly and equally like apartments, mortgages, pets, kids, flat screen TVs. The truly-significant other has not only met your parents, but has their cell phone numbers in their phone in addition to yours even though you've not really lived at home since the 90's. Truly-significant others plan vacations together and are known to have the same cell phone carrier because "couples talk free". They are truly-significant when you can take them to the club with you AND have a good old time AND be okay if they dance with someone else (cause you know who they are going home with) AND nothing overly dramatic happens AND no one around you thinks this is in the least bit weird. And most importantly, truly-significant others are in LOVE. They are not in it solely for the money or the looks or the other "perks" or cause it's convenient. Your friends don't care if you think their truly-significant other is funny-looking or dull or unfaithful because they're in it to win it, possibly into marriage. They are finna make it work... because it is truly significant.
It's amazing how that happens. How friends you thought were normal, all of a sudden find this other person who makes them happier than they can ever remember being and then that happiness-bringer becomes a significant part of their life, and sometimes yours too. I have some absolutely fantastic new people in my life now because some of my friends and family have absolutely fantastic truly-significant others. And I think it is great. It's cute to watch because it's not fake or sickening. It's a positive life-changing thing for everyone involved because it happens naturally. It is a learning experience for me because I get to observe what happy couples look like (not much of a good example with my parents so this process is quite interesting to me). And it's happening around me like an epidemic.
I think that being 24 means that the early stage of weddings is about to finish, and it is notorious for ending with a bang. The early stage starts right after high school and continues until just about everyone has moved out of their parent's house and gotten their own health insurance and Sam's club membership. The middle stage of weddings occurs at the completion of advanced degrees (PhD, MD, JD, MBA, etc) or at the first or second job change or promotion and goes until just about 35 (in time to still be "traditional" young parents). Then the later stage starts somewhere around 40 and ends in the nursing home. (I know that's a big range, but I am speaking specifically of first marriages and marriages later in life are often second ones.) The early stage finishes with a bang because there are still people who believe that marriage must be done while one is still in their 20's. So for some people, between 24 and 27, there is a perceived hustle to get into that dress (or sari) and get down that aisle.
And even the ones who aren't getting married are making serious commitments. I have more than a few friends living in sin (lol, please) with their truly-significant other. Some even purchase real estate together. And I know many who have children together. (Which is a bigger commitment, a 30-year mortgage or a kid you gotta support until age 18? Ha ha, you'd better buy that house!)
And here I am. Commitment-free and not sad cause I don't have my truly-significant other, but not expressly elated either. I throw my energy into school (yeah right) and dance and aerobics and shopping and trying to find the meaning of life so it doesn't really feel like anything is missing until I go to buy baby clothes for a gift for a good friend and think about the day (waaaaaaaaaay in the future) when I'll be shopping for a mini-Sabrina. Or I get an e-mail from a friend who moved down two states and her boyfriend dutifully followed and moved right along with her (so she could pursue HER dreams) and think about my upcoming move to a beautiful one bedroom apartment that I look forward to inhabiting all by myself for the next year (so I can pursue MY dreams). Or I try to plan my 25th birthday celebration (Wednesday, May 24, 2006, biatches) but realize that I will be in a wedding the weekend before (in DC) and attending a wedding the weekend after (in Chattanooga, TN). It is at these times when I wonder if my life is EXACTLY what/where I want it to be.
I like my life. A LOT. I even love it. But it is seems so different from the lives of the half of my friends who have truly-significant others and have made these various commitments. Mine seems funner, but theirs seem safer. I am allowed to be self-serving at all times and no one faults me for it. But when I get home at night, no one except Everene is worried about where I have been. And most of the time, she is unaware that I was even out (as I no longer live in her house).
Ugh. I hate to be this open. This is not a "woe is me"-type entry. Waste no pity and don't worry about me, cause while you're worrying I'll surely be up in the club scheming drinks from guys and dancing all night long. That's what I do. But it's not ALL I do. I am definitely very independent but this doesn't mean that I don't ever need anything from anyone. Someday I will stop irrationally claiming a fear of commitment and open myself up to chill with someone for whom I am truly significant. And maybe I'll think he is too. :)