Hardees, Carls Jr, whatever you want to call it, it sucks
In observance of RMEFFOWN today, I've decided to express my feelings on one particular "fast" "food" "restaurant". This is not an endorsement in any way, and you'll soon see why.
Man, I hate Hardees. There is nothing about it that I like. I have to pass one at least once a day whenever I drive out somewhere, and I'm always reminded of how much I don't like it. I shall now organize this rant into a list of enumerated compliants.
1) Horrible service.
My family always used to enjoy going to Hardees, and even as a young lad in my earlier years I couldn't understand why they never wised up.
Every time we went through the drive-thru, we would inevitably have to go in the "pull-in spot." You know what I'm talking about. The spot that the drive-thru people tell you to park in because your "fast" food isn't ready yet.
Now correct me if I'm wrong here, but I thought that the point in utilizing the drive-thru is to get your food quickly so you can stay in your car and keep going. When we had to wait, it was never for any less than 15-20 minutes. When they finally delivered the food they were never apologetic about it and usually acted like we had done something wrong. So in the same amount of time we had to wait in the "drive-thru" to get subpar food we could have gone to a better "casual dining restaurant" and received better treatment and much better food. That's just a slap in the face!
2) Disgusting food.
After waiting for so long to get it, the food was never any saving grace. The hamburgers were always kinda soggy and the fries were an insult to your taste buds (that is, if you could still taste after that, since they were often blistering hot).
A few summers ago, Hardees introduced their "Six Dollar Burger", an item they touted in so many words in their usual pretentious fashion as a hamburger of restaurant quality done quickly for only four dollars. Now there's a fallacy if I ever heard one!
This was around the time when Deric and I worked together at some house down in Virginia Beach. It was quite a long drive, so we took turns driving. He frequently wanted to stop and get one of these hamburgers for dinner on the way back, so one day I was foolish enough to try one for myself to see what all the fuss was about.
Oh, if I could go back and change one moment in my life! The "hamburger" tasted like some kind of bad sausage biscuit soaked in mustard and mayonnaise. Condiments oozed out every time you took a bite, leaving a horrible mess everywhere. Needless to say, we didn't stop too much when it was my turn to drive to work and back.
And the funny thing is, when you got the Six Dollar Burger Combo to get fries and a drink, it was well over six dollars.
3) Deplorable commercials
I know I complain about a lot of commercials, many of which probably aren't really that bad, but I think I can speak for everyone when I say that Hardees commercials are among the worst commercials ever made.
There are two main categories of Hardees commercials: "Babes eating their food" and "Blue collar slobs usually having some menial conversation about their food". Both genres of commercials are narrated by some guy who sounds as monotone and uninterested in life as David Schwimmer.
The commercials featuring the "babes" usually star a woman who might be attractive on her own if she wasn't souring her image by gorging herself on the Hardees food. The commercial that stands out the most in my mind was one that featuring a dame chomping down some kind of chili hamburger. She was getting chili everywhere every time she took an huge bite; chili on her shirt, chili all over the floor, everywhere. This was apparently trying to say, "look, this sexy woman is eating this hamburger, if you eat it too, sexy women like this will like you". Well, this shoddy attempt at using sex appeal to sell a hamburger was horribly delivered and unsuccessful, as the sight of this was simply disgusting. All this managed to accomplish was it made me lose my appetite and question being attracted to women.
The other, more commonly seen genre of Hardees commercial usually features two blue collar, hardworking dudes, enjoying their Hardees food. These are probably more common since very little thought goes into making them. They usually just show two slobs eating a hamburger until one makes an inane comment followed by a dimwitted reply by the other. The most recent one involves two guys caked with paint enjoying their Hardees lunch in silence until one starts eating the cheese stuck to the greasy hamburger wrapper, calling it "cheese paper". Collin correctly called these guys out, pointing out that Burger King made a commercial discussing "cheese paper" over 10 years ago. Hardees has been acting like they came up with something great and has since made a commercial where aforementioned grease-licking slob explains the concept of "cheese paper" to the audience. Wow, thanks for explaining that incredibly complex concept for me. I was always dumbfounded when I got to the end of my hamburger and found a yellow substance very similar to the cheese I had just eaten still remaining on the wrapper that once contained my food. This commercial is made worse when adapted for the radio, as they have added in many disgusting mouth smacking sounds. I usually have frantically turned to a different station before it gets too far in, so I can't comment on the rest.
Then there are the commercials that just have some annoying song playing while a guy shakes a cow, but those are pretty disturbing and not worthy of comment.
Okay, I think the one thing I did like about Hardees was the Hardee Star, back when everyone had them on their car antennas. When I went into Hardees to try to get one for myself, they wouldn't give me one. The Burger King "King" would gladly give me one on a silver platter after I get out of the shower or something. You know, that guy is pretty disturbing too.
Man, I hate Hardees. There is nothing about it that I like. I have to pass one at least once a day whenever I drive out somewhere, and I'm always reminded of how much I don't like it. I shall now organize this rant into a list of enumerated compliants.
1) Horrible service.
My family always used to enjoy going to Hardees, and even as a young lad in my earlier years I couldn't understand why they never wised up.
Every time we went through the drive-thru, we would inevitably have to go in the "pull-in spot." You know what I'm talking about. The spot that the drive-thru people tell you to park in because your "fast" food isn't ready yet.
Now correct me if I'm wrong here, but I thought that the point in utilizing the drive-thru is to get your food quickly so you can stay in your car and keep going. When we had to wait, it was never for any less than 15-20 minutes. When they finally delivered the food they were never apologetic about it and usually acted like we had done something wrong. So in the same amount of time we had to wait in the "drive-thru" to get subpar food we could have gone to a better "casual dining restaurant" and received better treatment and much better food. That's just a slap in the face!
2) Disgusting food.
After waiting for so long to get it, the food was never any saving grace. The hamburgers were always kinda soggy and the fries were an insult to your taste buds (that is, if you could still taste after that, since they were often blistering hot).
A few summers ago, Hardees introduced their "Six Dollar Burger", an item they touted in so many words in their usual pretentious fashion as a hamburger of restaurant quality done quickly for only four dollars. Now there's a fallacy if I ever heard one!
This was around the time when Deric and I worked together at some house down in Virginia Beach. It was quite a long drive, so we took turns driving. He frequently wanted to stop and get one of these hamburgers for dinner on the way back, so one day I was foolish enough to try one for myself to see what all the fuss was about.
Oh, if I could go back and change one moment in my life! The "hamburger" tasted like some kind of bad sausage biscuit soaked in mustard and mayonnaise. Condiments oozed out every time you took a bite, leaving a horrible mess everywhere. Needless to say, we didn't stop too much when it was my turn to drive to work and back.
And the funny thing is, when you got the Six Dollar Burger Combo to get fries and a drink, it was well over six dollars.
3) Deplorable commercials
I know I complain about a lot of commercials, many of which probably aren't really that bad, but I think I can speak for everyone when I say that Hardees commercials are among the worst commercials ever made.
There are two main categories of Hardees commercials: "Babes eating their food" and "Blue collar slobs usually having some menial conversation about their food". Both genres of commercials are narrated by some guy who sounds as monotone and uninterested in life as David Schwimmer.
The commercials featuring the "babes" usually star a woman who might be attractive on her own if she wasn't souring her image by gorging herself on the Hardees food. The commercial that stands out the most in my mind was one that featuring a dame chomping down some kind of chili hamburger. She was getting chili everywhere every time she took an huge bite; chili on her shirt, chili all over the floor, everywhere. This was apparently trying to say, "look, this sexy woman is eating this hamburger, if you eat it too, sexy women like this will like you". Well, this shoddy attempt at using sex appeal to sell a hamburger was horribly delivered and unsuccessful, as the sight of this was simply disgusting. All this managed to accomplish was it made me lose my appetite and question being attracted to women.
The other, more commonly seen genre of Hardees commercial usually features two blue collar, hardworking dudes, enjoying their Hardees food. These are probably more common since very little thought goes into making them. They usually just show two slobs eating a hamburger until one makes an inane comment followed by a dimwitted reply by the other. The most recent one involves two guys caked with paint enjoying their Hardees lunch in silence until one starts eating the cheese stuck to the greasy hamburger wrapper, calling it "cheese paper". Collin correctly called these guys out, pointing out that Burger King made a commercial discussing "cheese paper" over 10 years ago. Hardees has been acting like they came up with something great and has since made a commercial where aforementioned grease-licking slob explains the concept of "cheese paper" to the audience. Wow, thanks for explaining that incredibly complex concept for me. I was always dumbfounded when I got to the end of my hamburger and found a yellow substance very similar to the cheese I had just eaten still remaining on the wrapper that once contained my food. This commercial is made worse when adapted for the radio, as they have added in many disgusting mouth smacking sounds. I usually have frantically turned to a different station before it gets too far in, so I can't comment on the rest.
Then there are the commercials that just have some annoying song playing while a guy shakes a cow, but those are pretty disturbing and not worthy of comment.
Okay, I think the one thing I did like about Hardees was the Hardee Star, back when everyone had them on their car antennas. When I went into Hardees to try to get one for myself, they wouldn't give me one. The Burger King "King" would gladly give me one on a silver platter after I get out of the shower or something. You know, that guy is pretty disturbing too.