Now, pretend I'm someone new.
What's up with the random subject line? I don't rightly know, as I made it up in my head, it sounds like a cheesy song lyric, and whether that's good or bad, I don't know, and this is a runon sentence, why, I don't know, because I freakin' feel like it, and it amuses me to type with no punctuation like some people tend to do!
Aaaahahah. That was sort of fun. Maybe I should start every entry that way... it would really separate the people who wanna read my shit from the ones who don't. I mean, if you can sit through a big runon sentence to get to the essence that is John, then... well, you just get mad props from me, man. Mad freakin' props.
Word.
Ah, yeah. It's the standard humor used as a defense mechanism thing that you hear about so often. Chandler from Friends does it, Bender from The Breakfast Club does it, Xander from Buffy does it, and if either of you are reading (which I strongly doubt you are, though Nicholas might be) this, I mean this in a good way, and dammit, Johnny Mayer from that thing called the real world does it too. It's a wonderful, wonderful thing, until it comes and bites you in the ass. But anyway, moving on to the actual subject.
Let me make things clear, and I'm sure most of you don't know this. Or, if you do, you've never cared enough to actually think about it, so I'm just gonna tell you straight out. Any and all times that Jen and I have gotten together for a relationship, it's... well, not fallen apart, per se, but ended badly. Most of the time... okay, maybe all the time... it's been because I have this huge issue with being around. Not like I mean to, but... I'm just not, you know? Jen and I will get together, we're happy for a bit, and then I just manage to... I don't know. Not call, not visit... something. It's always something. And it's always, always, always my fault. I end up hurting Jen, and all in all, well... it's a bad idea.
And despite this history of less than reassuring shit, we're trying it again. Don't get me wrong-- despite my rather bitter and cynical tone, I do want to give it another shot. I really do, because I care about Jen. A lot. But that's also the exact same reason that I'm worried about doing this. I just don't want to hurt her again.
Yeah.
Aaaahahah. That was sort of fun. Maybe I should start every entry that way... it would really separate the people who wanna read my shit from the ones who don't. I mean, if you can sit through a big runon sentence to get to the essence that is John, then... well, you just get mad props from me, man. Mad freakin' props.
Word.
Ah, yeah. It's the standard humor used as a defense mechanism thing that you hear about so often. Chandler from Friends does it, Bender from The Breakfast Club does it, Xander from Buffy does it, and if either of you are reading (which I strongly doubt you are, though Nicholas might be) this, I mean this in a good way, and dammit, Johnny Mayer from that thing called the real world does it too. It's a wonderful, wonderful thing, until it comes and bites you in the ass. But anyway, moving on to the actual subject.
Let me make things clear, and I'm sure most of you don't know this. Or, if you do, you've never cared enough to actually think about it, so I'm just gonna tell you straight out. Any and all times that Jen and I have gotten together for a relationship, it's... well, not fallen apart, per se, but ended badly. Most of the time... okay, maybe all the time... it's been because I have this huge issue with being around. Not like I mean to, but... I'm just not, you know? Jen and I will get together, we're happy for a bit, and then I just manage to... I don't know. Not call, not visit... something. It's always something. And it's always, always, always my fault. I end up hurting Jen, and all in all, well... it's a bad idea.
And despite this history of less than reassuring shit, we're trying it again. Don't get me wrong-- despite my rather bitter and cynical tone, I do want to give it another shot. I really do, because I care about Jen. A lot. But that's also the exact same reason that I'm worried about doing this. I just don't want to hurt her again.
Yeah.