Hey.
Good god, every muscle in my body hurts. Toad has taken it upon himself to "whip me back into shape." Apparently, living the domestic life and only hitting the treadmill a few times a week over the last few months wasn't good enough training for a soldier. Which, okay, I totally agree with that, but I forgot how much it hurts to work this hard
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» Eyes: Hazel
» Body: Hot!
» Hair: Shorter and redder than Peter would like it.
» Clothes: Feminine
» Mannerisms: I talk with my hands sometimes.
» Politics: I'm going to vote because I lost a bet to Nathan a while back.
» Ideals: The people I care about are everything to me, so being a good friend/niece/girlfriend/cousin/fake!sibling is pretty important.
» Musical preferences: Everything except rap. I kinda want to say everything except rap and country, but not all country is bad. Oh, and too much techno gives me a headache.
» Movie preferences: The Little Mermaid, Die Hard, Walk The Line, Sabrina, Happy Feet, Pretty Woman, Match Point (If only because at the time, everyone was convinced I was a Nola), I like all kinds of stuff.
It doesn't really appeal to me, honestly. I started smoking a few years ago because I needed to lose weight for modeling. Meant to quit, got a little hooked. I know it sounds stupid but I wasn't the brightest crayon in the box when I was a teenager, and I'm really not that much better now.
You make a lot of sacrifices for what you believe is right, I think that makes you brave. Most people don't, and that includes me. There are a lot of things I care about, but what have I done for the world? I looked good on a billboard. I bum around at the beach with my boyfriend. And knowing that I'm selfish, I don't really do anything to change it. I donate money to charity and I volunteer sometimes, but that's not a sacrifice like the kind you, Peter, Nathan, and others have been willing to make.
I'm really sorry. I never think to tell you this and I saw that Peter did, I usually think that people just know this stuff, but if you need anything, say it and you've got it. Peter's abilities make a lot of things possible, so if there's anything we can do, just let us know. Or let me know and I'll let him know. Look at me, offering like I'd actually be able to do something on my own.
I know you love Doug and you screwed up, but I have a hard time reading about how he deserves better or his life will be better without you or any of that. It hits too close to home with me, you know? Peter did what he thought was better for me and it fucked me up for months.
My friends think our relationship is bad because I've changed so much since I met him. I quit modeling when he went missing, and I've spent a lot of time in places that aren't my home. I told Miles everything, and I know he's pissed because he thinks Peter could get me killed. I know its not the same thing, but maybe you guys could have worked it out. Cheating doesn't always have to be the end, especially not with everything you guys have been through. You've dealt with bigger, scarier problems, and you lost your mom. Its not like you were in the best place emotionally when it happened.
I don't agree with you, you're not the terrible person you seem to think you are, but if this is it for you and Doug, I respect that its what you think is right for him. I just know it didn't end because of a lack of love. I think you guys could have been happy together for a long time, and I know he thought you were worth it. You guys got too far for me to believe he'd see it any other way.
I think I got halfway through writing this before I realized that I wasn't helping anything, and then I just kept going. We do have a deal though, so I hope its okay.
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You're right. It wasn't a lack of love. Maybe it was too much love, and I was afraid of it. Or afraid for it. Whatever.
I just want him to have a good, healthy life. I don't think I'm it for him.
Peter is going to think I'm an asshole.... I am an asshole. He gave me (good) advice just last week, and I totally went against it - I made this decision for my and Doug's relationship, because I think it's best for him. He didn't really get a say - well, he did for a long time, but I'm the one who decided to put it to an end - and it's too late now. But I honestly believe what I'm doing is best.
Some changes because of a relationship are better... and maybe your friends don't know or understand how good you and Peter are together, because you are. And you are able to work it out, and that's awesome. I wish the same could have happened for us, but it didn't. Just... too much happened.
I think you can be sassy. I like it.
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