The final throes
I keep referring to myself as being "in the final throes" of my dissertation. While of course this is a metaphorical statement, the more I think about how I much I use this phrase, the more I realize that I must have a serious commitment to it. The medical model of the pathology of physical diseases is a terrible one for mental health, but it turns out to be surprisingly apropos for the process of writing a dissertation. The pathogenesis of a dissertation is not unlike chronic bronchitis. You might develop pneumonia; you might lose a lung. You might get better quickly and end up with a slight cough and a decent first or second-ish draft of a book. But at some point, you will reach "the final throes," that spasm of chills, coughing, and hacking up gobs of unexpectedly dense mucus and/or prose which tends to precede either a general improvement and rapid alleviation of the condition or a sudden turn for the worse and a prolonged bedridden torpor.
The person who finishes a dissertation is indeed due "congratulations," but these congratulations are much less like the congratulations due on the occasion of a baby's birth or a marriage or a promotion and much more like the congratulations due to a friend who has finally kicked a particularly persistent case of bronchitis. "Congratulations, John. You beat it. It was really touch and go there for a few years. This last time, I really wasn't sure you were going to pull through. You've said you were getting better so many times, only to relapse into a paroxysm of coughing and hacking. I was sure you were going to go to bed again and tell me you had to read everything there is to know about yet another minor aspect of your work. But you really licked it this time! You're the man, dogg. I'll see you bright and early Monday morning."
The person who finishes a dissertation is indeed due "congratulations," but these congratulations are much less like the congratulations due on the occasion of a baby's birth or a marriage or a promotion and much more like the congratulations due to a friend who has finally kicked a particularly persistent case of bronchitis. "Congratulations, John. You beat it. It was really touch and go there for a few years. This last time, I really wasn't sure you were going to pull through. You've said you were getting better so many times, only to relapse into a paroxysm of coughing and hacking. I was sure you were going to go to bed again and tell me you had to read everything there is to know about yet another minor aspect of your work. But you really licked it this time! You're the man, dogg. I'll see you bright and early Monday morning."