It's a slow news cycle in the blogosphere
so I thought I would pose a question to my small but influential flock of readers. What are you and your family doing about the impending avian flu pandemic?
A) We gave away the pet canary
B) We let the canary loose into a room we hadn't cleaned in six months, to see if it would survive. After it died we sent in a candle. After it got snuffed out we sent in a coalminer.
C) We no longer socialize with neighbors of the avian persuasion
D) We rub our bodies with raw chicken parts every night in a desperate attempt to build up immunity. (Wow. People say they don't like wings, but this feels kinda-kinda gooood.)
E) We are all armed with BB guns and above our door is inscribed the motto: "One birdie, one bullet"
F) We are panicking, talking about it all the time, waving our arms hysterically above our heads and running around the house
G) We are glued to CNN to see where the avian killers will strike next
H) We have a control room, complete with a world map with color coded thumbtacks for outbreaks
I) Dad got "a little case of the sniffles," and we shot him and burned his body in the dumpster "just to be safe"
J) We keep the blinds pulled and the windows shut and try to stay indoors as much as possible, in abject terror of birds
K) We figure, fuck it, the world's going to end, and we've been having a lot of risky, unprotected sex
L) We're keeping the bathtub filled with water and we've set the clocks on our computers back to 1904
M) We are considering joining an avian-free survivalist community in New Mexico, in which we would consume no avian-based products and trade shifts as snipers, watching the skies in all directions 24/7 to prevent avian infiltration
N) Other _______________________
A) We gave away the pet canary
B) We let the canary loose into a room we hadn't cleaned in six months, to see if it would survive. After it died we sent in a candle. After it got snuffed out we sent in a coalminer.
C) We no longer socialize with neighbors of the avian persuasion
D) We rub our bodies with raw chicken parts every night in a desperate attempt to build up immunity. (Wow. People say they don't like wings, but this feels kinda-kinda gooood.)
E) We are all armed with BB guns and above our door is inscribed the motto: "One birdie, one bullet"
F) We are panicking, talking about it all the time, waving our arms hysterically above our heads and running around the house
G) We are glued to CNN to see where the avian killers will strike next
H) We have a control room, complete with a world map with color coded thumbtacks for outbreaks
I) Dad got "a little case of the sniffles," and we shot him and burned his body in the dumpster "just to be safe"
J) We keep the blinds pulled and the windows shut and try to stay indoors as much as possible, in abject terror of birds
K) We figure, fuck it, the world's going to end, and we've been having a lot of risky, unprotected sex
L) We're keeping the bathtub filled with water and we've set the clocks on our computers back to 1904
M) We are considering joining an avian-free survivalist community in New Mexico, in which we would consume no avian-based products and trade shifts as snipers, watching the skies in all directions 24/7 to prevent avian infiltration
N) Other _______________________