In the interests of catharsis
In the interests of catharsis, I need a rant about my stress levels. I shan't put it on my real blog, since that's not what it's there for. It is the act of writing it out, however, that helps, because otherwise I'll keep repeating it over and over in my head. I shall, therefore, take a leaf out of Big Tom's book and "bitch into the void."
Technically, I should be completely serene right now. My brother's here in Heidelberg with me, this Thursday I'm going to Vienna to visit my awesome cousin Martin, and the semester is nearly over. Soon I shall be able to go home and then spend ten days wandering through the woods.
Instead of serenity, however, I'm a bundle of nerves. It's irrational, I know, but that doesn't change the situation, which irritates me even more. I'm getting simultaneously hit by three of my greatest mental enemies. First off, we have pre-flight nerves. I always, always always freak out before a flight. This one's coming at me at high speed too, seeing how little time I have left (a bit under three weeks now, and every one of those weeks planned out). That alone should be enough to set me ill at ease, but there's more.
I have a 12-15 page paper to write for my American Western class and I basically have three days to do it in, seeing how the teacher needs some time to grade it before I vanish to the States. Hurrah for that. Simultaneously, I'm facing two tests on Wednesday, which I should probably study for since they're the only tests that really matter for this semester. If I pass them, I graduate on time with no stress. If I don't, senior year will involve taking a couple of extra German classes when I don't want to. Oh, right, and pretty much my entire grade for both classes depends on these tests. No pressure.
Finally, I never deal well with the end of semesters. College seems to be my natural habitat in many respects, and leaving it always makes me nervous. The fact that my visit to the Hausmeister today resulted in my getting a fixed appointment by which I must leave my apartment didn't help much. Neither did the fact that at the top of the check list he gave me, it says in big friendly letters, "Ihr Auszug steht vor der Tür!" Literally, this means, "You're moving out soon!" Hardly cheerful news.
All of this combines into an elixir of pure stress where my stomach cramps up, my head feels empty and focusing is difficult. My good mood - which, thankfully, is far more resilient than the post above would indicate - frequently shatters into undefined worry where I'm not actively thinking about anything that concerns me but I still feel off. Indeed, this sensation of worry infects any thought I form while I'm in it, so it takes some jokes from people around me to buck me up again.
Rationally, I know that none of this is going to stick with me in a month or so. Man is not, however, a rational animal and so my stress levels continue to rise whenever I'm not actively bringing them back down by sightseeing with my brother. Things will be better in a month. I must not forget possibly the most important lesson I have learned this year - everything always works out in the end.
Technically, I should be completely serene right now. My brother's here in Heidelberg with me, this Thursday I'm going to Vienna to visit my awesome cousin Martin, and the semester is nearly over. Soon I shall be able to go home and then spend ten days wandering through the woods.
Instead of serenity, however, I'm a bundle of nerves. It's irrational, I know, but that doesn't change the situation, which irritates me even more. I'm getting simultaneously hit by three of my greatest mental enemies. First off, we have pre-flight nerves. I always, always always freak out before a flight. This one's coming at me at high speed too, seeing how little time I have left (a bit under three weeks now, and every one of those weeks planned out). That alone should be enough to set me ill at ease, but there's more.
I have a 12-15 page paper to write for my American Western class and I basically have three days to do it in, seeing how the teacher needs some time to grade it before I vanish to the States. Hurrah for that. Simultaneously, I'm facing two tests on Wednesday, which I should probably study for since they're the only tests that really matter for this semester. If I pass them, I graduate on time with no stress. If I don't, senior year will involve taking a couple of extra German classes when I don't want to. Oh, right, and pretty much my entire grade for both classes depends on these tests. No pressure.
Finally, I never deal well with the end of semesters. College seems to be my natural habitat in many respects, and leaving it always makes me nervous. The fact that my visit to the Hausmeister today resulted in my getting a fixed appointment by which I must leave my apartment didn't help much. Neither did the fact that at the top of the check list he gave me, it says in big friendly letters, "Ihr Auszug steht vor der Tür!" Literally, this means, "You're moving out soon!" Hardly cheerful news.
All of this combines into an elixir of pure stress where my stomach cramps up, my head feels empty and focusing is difficult. My good mood - which, thankfully, is far more resilient than the post above would indicate - frequently shatters into undefined worry where I'm not actively thinking about anything that concerns me but I still feel off. Indeed, this sensation of worry infects any thought I form while I'm in it, so it takes some jokes from people around me to buck me up again.
Rationally, I know that none of this is going to stick with me in a month or so. Man is not, however, a rational animal and so my stress levels continue to rise whenever I'm not actively bringing them back down by sightseeing with my brother. Things will be better in a month. I must not forget possibly the most important lesson I have learned this year - everything always works out in the end.