Hey, neutrality's paying off!
I named this place "Chaotic Neutrality" for a good reason; I always tend to fall down the middle during most subjects. Let me give some examples:
Big Brother: Party A record it on Sky Plus and transcribe every banal bit of verbal shit that squits its way from the lab rats contestants' mouths; Party B switch it on, then sit with their back to the TV and stick their fingers in their ears. I just think it's a TV show that can be vaguely amusing, in a scientist-laughs-at-rat-banging-repeatedly-at-wall type of way.
Politics: I'm too liberal to be a Conservative, but too conservative to be a liberal. Hence I plan on starting my own party.
Religion: The Christian faith strikes me as too much of a good thing and is riddled with inconsistencies (a quote by Epicurus comes to mind), but I'm not prepared to dismiss the possibility of a god.
As it turns out, though, my agnosticism may actually come in handy. When I die, it's off to Purgatory/Limbo/Neutraland!
I wasn't christened for some reason; don't know why, and my parents are busy with other stuff, so all two of you reading this give some suggestions and I'll choose the funniest as the official explanation. So being a godless heathen who can never make his bloody mind up about things ("I like Dairy Milk, but should I go for Twirl this time?" being a prime example), it's off to Purgatory. It's described as a dark place where everyone sits around wearing black and contemplating how outdated religion really is.
Doesn't sound like much of a punishment. Actually, it sounds quite fun; eternity of irreverent talk? I do that with Charlie, Brett and Tom all the time. On top of that, we're in the perfect place; we've got Heaven's weather that only just manages to make it down, and we're positioned right near Hell, so we can have a jolly good laugh at the Damned for all eternity. We could even make bets.
"Oh, new one coming down lads. Right, what d'ya reckon: lust or gluttony?"
...Something along those lines.
It sounds like the most appealing choice of afterlife: others just sound way too elitist. With Heaven, there's the schizophrenic entrance requirements. This is divided three ways: you either have to be a Christian, making Heaven a members-only club; you have to repent on your deathbed, which strikes me as taking the easy way out after years of decadence and hedonism; or it's just being good. The third one only sounds easy, because the Bible never truly defines 'good'. Some passages claim it only takes thoughts about someone you think is pretty who you're not married to to get a one-way ticket to Dantesville, or that only virgins can go to Heaven (if that's true, then how will we recreate your species, Mr Oh So Clever Deity?), or that it's right to murder disobedient kids. And once you're in there, what's there to do? Sit around quietly humming to yourself, watering pot plants, singing hymns and maybe watching DVDs? Hell's really easy to get into, even for the smallest things. Where's the appeal? If you see an attractive, well-endowed person of your fancy and your first thought isn't that he/she'll cook you a nice meal if you asked nicely, God wants you to face the wall.
And then there's Reincarnation, which I can't really understand. If some Christians are to be believed, life is just one big exam. Why the hell would anyone want to take that again? There's making an idiot of yourself at the start because you've got porridge all over your face; discovering which way your moral compass points, usually the hard way; getting the shit kicked out of you by those little pricks who will act if you so much as breathe too loudly; and puberty. I will only go through that if I was offered a prize, and a fucking good prize, like a Kinder egg the size of Big Ben, or the power to control lightning.
So yeah, Purgatory. An eternity of sipping cappucinos, reciting your unpublished stories/poems to anyone who listens, and laughing at those in Hell. Count me in.