(no subject)
I'm not sure why I have been so reluctant to write in this lately. I suppose that with both Naomi and Adam as pen pals, I feel that I am already constantly writing about my life and there is no need to examine it further. Today though, there is a particularly unsettling sense of nostalgia that I could not seem to articulate with either Adam or Naomi.
Today was my last day. I am done finals, done classes. Done my job if I so desire. I am actually opting to continue, that is, I asked my boss to find more work for me because I need the hours and I negotiated with a professor to let me rewrite an old paper for a better grade. So, I will still have some things to occupy me. However, for all intents and purposes I am done.
Next comes what? Leaving and arriving, always an interesting dichotomy. I will leave DC on the 19th and if move out goes better than last year (for all of you who managed to miss witnessing last year's nightmare, I'm envious)I should be home long enough for doctors to poke me with Mongolia-appropriate immunizations, and then it's off to Germany December 26th. I will arrive in Germany that morning, and spend a month with Adam. I will see New Years in Europe, and Adam and I will celebrate his 21st birthday together. Then I will leave him again, this time for as long as 8 months. I will arrive in philadelphia two days before my little brothers bar mitzvah. I will have a month to help my dad out in the clinic and prepare for Mongolia. The end of February I will leave again. I will fly to San Fransisco, then to Korea, and end up in Mongolia. Upon my arrival, I will be taught to ride a horse and placed with various nomadic and rural families. I will live among them and study for nearly four months. And then I will leave again.
And go where? I'd best decide soon, for it is soon that my travels will begin and I will have no further say in it. Not home. Not without a car, and without friends there. Dave will be in Alaska when I'd return in the summer. Adam will still be in Germany. I could go to Germany. Spend two months with the boy I love before leaving again. No. I do not want myself in a situation where he'd be my whole life -my interpreter, my social life, my family, my entertainment, my only stimulus. It's too much pressure on a relationship that has already endured much. I could return to DC. With no money and no housing until the fall started, I would crash on friends couches until i found a job. I wouldn't have my own space or bed, something I imagine I'll be craving upon my return from nomadic life. So what to do? Then fall semester, then another problem. We all graduate (or most of us at least). I'm stuck in the real world with time on my hands, no money, no local job well-paying enough for housing, and thousands of dollars of student debt on my head. Hopefully still a serious boyfriend who will, coincidently not be done school for another semester and who will want me to come back to atlanta where I have no other reason to be. My wallet won't be able to afford DC and my sanity can't afford home (or at least prefers not to). And so the cycle continues.
My friends call me a transient and people like me drifters. I wear the name proudly and continue to identify with the turtle. Though sometimes I'll admit, even though I am in love with my freedom, it would be nice to have somewhere more permanent than a dorm room or boyfriend's car to hang my hat.
For all of you DC people, I am at your complete disposal until I leave for Germany.
For all you home people, catch me in February before I leave for Mongolia.
You are all the only reason that I would consider not leaving, and simultaneously the only reason I have the strength to do so. My love to all of you.
Today was my last day. I am done finals, done classes. Done my job if I so desire. I am actually opting to continue, that is, I asked my boss to find more work for me because I need the hours and I negotiated with a professor to let me rewrite an old paper for a better grade. So, I will still have some things to occupy me. However, for all intents and purposes I am done.
Next comes what? Leaving and arriving, always an interesting dichotomy. I will leave DC on the 19th and if move out goes better than last year (for all of you who managed to miss witnessing last year's nightmare, I'm envious)I should be home long enough for doctors to poke me with Mongolia-appropriate immunizations, and then it's off to Germany December 26th. I will arrive in Germany that morning, and spend a month with Adam. I will see New Years in Europe, and Adam and I will celebrate his 21st birthday together. Then I will leave him again, this time for as long as 8 months. I will arrive in philadelphia two days before my little brothers bar mitzvah. I will have a month to help my dad out in the clinic and prepare for Mongolia. The end of February I will leave again. I will fly to San Fransisco, then to Korea, and end up in Mongolia. Upon my arrival, I will be taught to ride a horse and placed with various nomadic and rural families. I will live among them and study for nearly four months. And then I will leave again.
And go where? I'd best decide soon, for it is soon that my travels will begin and I will have no further say in it. Not home. Not without a car, and without friends there. Dave will be in Alaska when I'd return in the summer. Adam will still be in Germany. I could go to Germany. Spend two months with the boy I love before leaving again. No. I do not want myself in a situation where he'd be my whole life -my interpreter, my social life, my family, my entertainment, my only stimulus. It's too much pressure on a relationship that has already endured much. I could return to DC. With no money and no housing until the fall started, I would crash on friends couches until i found a job. I wouldn't have my own space or bed, something I imagine I'll be craving upon my return from nomadic life. So what to do? Then fall semester, then another problem. We all graduate (or most of us at least). I'm stuck in the real world with time on my hands, no money, no local job well-paying enough for housing, and thousands of dollars of student debt on my head. Hopefully still a serious boyfriend who will, coincidently not be done school for another semester and who will want me to come back to atlanta where I have no other reason to be. My wallet won't be able to afford DC and my sanity can't afford home (or at least prefers not to). And so the cycle continues.
My friends call me a transient and people like me drifters. I wear the name proudly and continue to identify with the turtle. Though sometimes I'll admit, even though I am in love with my freedom, it would be nice to have somewhere more permanent than a dorm room or boyfriend's car to hang my hat.
For all of you DC people, I am at your complete disposal until I leave for Germany.
For all you home people, catch me in February before I leave for Mongolia.
You are all the only reason that I would consider not leaving, and simultaneously the only reason I have the strength to do so. My love to all of you.