(no subject)
I don't mean to wish the time away, I really don't. I know its value well, have learned better than to take it for granted. Yet I am so caught in this in between place, I can't get out. Naomi and Adam are half way around the world and I miss both of them so much it physically hurts. I try to be happy, I encouraged each of them to go, Adam to Europe, Naomi to Israel, and I refuse to regret it. I have my ticket to Europe sitting in my desk, and with any luck Naomi will be back in to visit in January. My paperwork's in for Mongolia, and if I can get a scholarship, I'll spend six weeks in China immediately afterwards. That's three months until I leave all that’s familiar behind to go “see the world” and if I knew what's good for me I'd cling to these last three months.
Yet I feel as though I'm gone already. My roommates have told me at least a dozen times that they feel like I don't even live here. I'm living with four of my favorite people; it should be the best time ever. But I can't feel it. I walk into my bedroom in the evening and am surprised to find it decorated and furnished, when did I do this I wonder, for what purpose? Who lives here? Certainly not I, with classes from 8-4 and work till 9, and her head in the clouds and feet out the door, and heart cut in chunks spread over Germany and Israel, Philadelphia, New York, Tampa...maybe even Mongolia, though its most likely frozen there.
I want to reconnect with my life here, I really do. I've forgotten how though, or else am so aware of how soon I will pick up and leave it again, that I wonder, what's the point? Julia says not to worry, it's early in the year, we're all still getting situated -but I know she's just being nice. The living room could use some work, yes, but not half as much as I could.
I wish I could feel normal here. But since I can't, I wish December would come.
Yet I feel as though I'm gone already. My roommates have told me at least a dozen times that they feel like I don't even live here. I'm living with four of my favorite people; it should be the best time ever. But I can't feel it. I walk into my bedroom in the evening and am surprised to find it decorated and furnished, when did I do this I wonder, for what purpose? Who lives here? Certainly not I, with classes from 8-4 and work till 9, and her head in the clouds and feet out the door, and heart cut in chunks spread over Germany and Israel, Philadelphia, New York, Tampa...maybe even Mongolia, though its most likely frozen there.
I want to reconnect with my life here, I really do. I've forgotten how though, or else am so aware of how soon I will pick up and leave it again, that I wonder, what's the point? Julia says not to worry, it's early in the year, we're all still getting situated -but I know she's just being nice. The living room could use some work, yes, but not half as much as I could.
I wish I could feel normal here. But since I can't, I wish December would come.