(no subject)
i'm doing better this morning. i actually slept last night which is probably only due to the fact that i've lost so much that i was exausted.
i'm still depressed. but talking to di last night helped. there's pretty much nothing i can do but just trudge on through my life. i've got way too much going on right now, and being hung up on all of this is not good. sigh...being in love sucks. it sucks because of things like this. that's not to say that people should avoid it. it can also be wonderful. but it sucks when things end up like this.
thinking back, there's been a long road of ups and downs. our relationship has been volitile from almost day one (something di told me that reiterated what i'd already known). if jess were any other person or if i didn't love her as much as i do, i would have walked away a long time ago. i suppose i'm a glutton for setting myself up for heartache. sigh...
i feel so young as of late. going through things that most of my friends went through a long time past. somehow i feel like i missed out on things that i should have done. that i havn't experienced all i should have. and yet i'm too shy to go about most things. i know shy and me are not concepts that often go together, but it's true.
i'm horribly shy around women i like. i never know what to say and mostly i get quite nervous. often times i don't say anything at all for fear of sounding like an idiot. i've always feared rejection...people that have known me since i first joined faire probably remember a time when i hardly spoke to people and was quite nervous and shy, dispite my talkativeness. i grew up way to sheltered...partly due to my parents, but also partly due to myself. i sheltered myself away from most things. i avoided mischeif like the plague. i rarely pull pranks unless it's in an area of complete safety. i live in a safe little world most times and have always felt the pull to exit it but never do. i rarely go to parties. i only drink in company that i'm extreamly comfortable with.
"i guess we just go on then."
"go where?"
"england?"
"england. i don't believe it."
"what, just a conspiracy of chartographers, you mean?"
"I MEAN, I DON'T BELIEVE IT! and even if it's true what do we say?!?!"
"WE SAY...we've arrived."
had this not been a conversation in Rosencranz and Guildenstern are Dead, it would actually be taking place verbatum (minus the area specific words) in my head.
oh well...here goes nothing i suppose. two papers and a final in the next three days...oh joy of joys.
i'm still depressed. but talking to di last night helped. there's pretty much nothing i can do but just trudge on through my life. i've got way too much going on right now, and being hung up on all of this is not good. sigh...being in love sucks. it sucks because of things like this. that's not to say that people should avoid it. it can also be wonderful. but it sucks when things end up like this.
thinking back, there's been a long road of ups and downs. our relationship has been volitile from almost day one (something di told me that reiterated what i'd already known). if jess were any other person or if i didn't love her as much as i do, i would have walked away a long time ago. i suppose i'm a glutton for setting myself up for heartache. sigh...
i feel so young as of late. going through things that most of my friends went through a long time past. somehow i feel like i missed out on things that i should have done. that i havn't experienced all i should have. and yet i'm too shy to go about most things. i know shy and me are not concepts that often go together, but it's true.
i'm horribly shy around women i like. i never know what to say and mostly i get quite nervous. often times i don't say anything at all for fear of sounding like an idiot. i've always feared rejection...people that have known me since i first joined faire probably remember a time when i hardly spoke to people and was quite nervous and shy, dispite my talkativeness. i grew up way to sheltered...partly due to my parents, but also partly due to myself. i sheltered myself away from most things. i avoided mischeif like the plague. i rarely pull pranks unless it's in an area of complete safety. i live in a safe little world most times and have always felt the pull to exit it but never do. i rarely go to parties. i only drink in company that i'm extreamly comfortable with.
"i guess we just go on then."
"go where?"
"england?"
"england. i don't believe it."
"what, just a conspiracy of chartographers, you mean?"
"I MEAN, I DON'T BELIEVE IT! and even if it's true what do we say?!?!"
"WE SAY...we've arrived."
had this not been a conversation in Rosencranz and Guildenstern are Dead, it would actually be taking place verbatum (minus the area specific words) in my head.
oh well...here goes nothing i suppose. two papers and a final in the next three days...oh joy of joys.