Semester Six
Three years passed in a blink of an eye...
I remember the first year, stepping into NUS, with so much expectations. Thinking that University will be the time of my life. I had illusions of how life would be different. I had to dress nicely, be aloof, splash on adequate makeup on my face, learn a new language, go to a new country, write flamboyantly... and the list goes on. I wanted University to be the time of my life, but I didn't know how, and I thought that those were the means to my eventual University end.
I was slapped in the face, repeatedly. I was so full of myself. People sucked. They annoyed me relentlessly. The slightest chatter would allow me to throw a fit. I was cold and hated the world. No one was good enough to talk to me. The world was my oyster and and that oyster belonged only to me.I had plans. Big plans. To excel academically, to live flamboyantly, and to travel around the world. I was treated with dismay when I received by first result slip. It was filled with ugly B's and C's. It was such a difficult and disgusting feeling to stomach. For someone whom had such a grandiose self concept. Thinking that she was better than everyone else. It sucked. It didn't help to have overachieving chirpy acquaintances. Especially since they were condemned to be of a lower moral standing ground. The University experience that I wanted as the 'time of my life' was an entirely uncomfortable journey for me. It wasn't what I expected it to be and I knew that I cannot go on the way I did.
I'm not very sure what happened along the way. After the sucky first year, I was determined to start anew and start afresh. I should fuck the stupid concepts of what I think University is and should be. Live in the moment, enjoy what I'm doing, and give my best in whatever I do. There was no need to subscribe to any rules that I had unnecessarily set. It was utter rubbish. I lived semester by semester. Each semester got better than the previous one. It was absolutely amazing. I tried learning a sophisticated new language in year one. It was bullshit. I was bullshit. It didn't make me anymore sophisticated. I just felt dumb for taking so long to master something that I wasn't really interested in. This taught me a lesson; you can never bullshit your way through, and even if you do, you would never be happy. The journey that I initially expected was not the journey I took. However, what I received was no less than the expectations I had. It has been a fulfilling three years for me. Not in terms of my initial expectation, but the many surprises that were sprung on me. These are all valuable lessons.
One of the most salient lesson I learnt through my three years in NUS is the need to say 'fuck you' in some people faces; or at least, think that in your mind. It is to people who do not believe in you, cast doubts on your capabilities, and serve as an anchor to you achieving your dreams. I've met many of such people. They don't necessarily mean harm but what they say and think will just bring you down. Majoring in Social Work was one of the biggest decision I've made in my life. My best friends were surprised but proud of me, just as I was of myself. I found meaning and purpose. I was touched by people's lives and I knew that there was something that I could do to make a difference to theirs. It is such a joy to study and to learn theories and practical application. The objectivity, subjectivity, and fluidity that binds everything together. It is... such a wonderful piece of art.
So here I am. Semester Six. With Semester Seven and Eight coming my way. The coming year will be the most difficult and challenging year, but I think that it will likely be the best year out of all. Let's go!
I remember the first year, stepping into NUS, with so much expectations. Thinking that University will be the time of my life. I had illusions of how life would be different. I had to dress nicely, be aloof, splash on adequate makeup on my face, learn a new language, go to a new country, write flamboyantly... and the list goes on. I wanted University to be the time of my life, but I didn't know how, and I thought that those were the means to my eventual University end.
I was slapped in the face, repeatedly. I was so full of myself. People sucked. They annoyed me relentlessly. The slightest chatter would allow me to throw a fit. I was cold and hated the world. No one was good enough to talk to me. The world was my oyster and and that oyster belonged only to me.I had plans. Big plans. To excel academically, to live flamboyantly, and to travel around the world. I was treated with dismay when I received by first result slip. It was filled with ugly B's and C's. It was such a difficult and disgusting feeling to stomach. For someone whom had such a grandiose self concept. Thinking that she was better than everyone else. It sucked. It didn't help to have overachieving chirpy acquaintances. Especially since they were condemned to be of a lower moral standing ground. The University experience that I wanted as the 'time of my life' was an entirely uncomfortable journey for me. It wasn't what I expected it to be and I knew that I cannot go on the way I did.
I'm not very sure what happened along the way. After the sucky first year, I was determined to start anew and start afresh. I should fuck the stupid concepts of what I think University is and should be. Live in the moment, enjoy what I'm doing, and give my best in whatever I do. There was no need to subscribe to any rules that I had unnecessarily set. It was utter rubbish. I lived semester by semester. Each semester got better than the previous one. It was absolutely amazing. I tried learning a sophisticated new language in year one. It was bullshit. I was bullshit. It didn't make me anymore sophisticated. I just felt dumb for taking so long to master something that I wasn't really interested in. This taught me a lesson; you can never bullshit your way through, and even if you do, you would never be happy. The journey that I initially expected was not the journey I took. However, what I received was no less than the expectations I had. It has been a fulfilling three years for me. Not in terms of my initial expectation, but the many surprises that were sprung on me. These are all valuable lessons.
One of the most salient lesson I learnt through my three years in NUS is the need to say 'fuck you' in some people faces; or at least, think that in your mind. It is to people who do not believe in you, cast doubts on your capabilities, and serve as an anchor to you achieving your dreams. I've met many of such people. They don't necessarily mean harm but what they say and think will just bring you down. Majoring in Social Work was one of the biggest decision I've made in my life. My best friends were surprised but proud of me, just as I was of myself. I found meaning and purpose. I was touched by people's lives and I knew that there was something that I could do to make a difference to theirs. It is such a joy to study and to learn theories and practical application. The objectivity, subjectivity, and fluidity that binds everything together. It is... such a wonderful piece of art.
So here I am. Semester Six. With Semester Seven and Eight coming my way. The coming year will be the most difficult and challenging year, but I think that it will likely be the best year out of all. Let's go!