Saint Stabbins Day
The Miracle of Saint Stabbins
From the Wainsglow Scrolls:
In the year of Our Lord 1228, a poore swineherd by the name of Milwyk Van-de-Pye set out from his home in Kent, with twenty and three hogs in tow, traveling towards the village of Barnoldswick-upon-Shire, where he hoped to trade the beasts for corn-pone and mercury. Whilst upon the road, the Good Lord did come to Milwyk in a vision of light and thunderclap, and commanded him thus; Thou shall go into the sinful city of upon-Shire, and take thy cobbling knife and with it stab vigorously all ye may meet, for they are a wicked and naughty people.
Milwyk did as the Lord commanded. A ways down the dirt path, he met an old monk named Colonius, told him of his vision, and did stab him through the testicles. Colonius fell to the earth and cursed Milwyk three times. Milwyk was not daunted, for he knew his newfound mission was just and divine. He left the monk and walked farther down, where he met Garth the Blind Minstrel. Garth strummed a lute and bade Milwyk give him a copper for bread, or perhaps a ride into town on the back of one of his hogs. Rather, the blessed swineherd did stab Garth through both his eyes and left him where he lie.
Still further down the road Milwyk came to the gates of Barnoldswick, where he did gloriously stab two boys, a nun, a cooper, and a Roman sentry through his thigh. The sentry and his bretheren then took from poore Milwyk his knife, beat him about his head and shoulders, and dragged him before Suetonius, the town magistrate.
Milwyk told Suetonius of his divine mission of stabbing. Suetonius bade Milwyk renounce his quest and Christian faith, or be broiled alive in oil. Milwyk then did readily renounce his faith, but was boiled alive anyway.
Over time news of poor Milwyk’s holy vision and martyrdom spread throughout the land. His legend grew, and he was canonized as a saint by the Holy See in 1924. While some modern scholars attribute his unusual behavior to the dementing effects of tertiary syphillis rather than divine inspiration, today Milwyk’s memory is honored every year in Barnoldswick-upon-Shire. At the Feast of Saint Stabbins, celebrants sing, dance, and stab one another repeatedly with small paring knives.
This is also cool: Flaming Piggies!
From the Wainsglow Scrolls:
In the year of Our Lord 1228, a poore swineherd by the name of Milwyk Van-de-Pye set out from his home in Kent, with twenty and three hogs in tow, traveling towards the village of Barnoldswick-upon-Shire, where he hoped to trade the beasts for corn-pone and mercury. Whilst upon the road, the Good Lord did come to Milwyk in a vision of light and thunderclap, and commanded him thus; Thou shall go into the sinful city of upon-Shire, and take thy cobbling knife and with it stab vigorously all ye may meet, for they are a wicked and naughty people.
Milwyk did as the Lord commanded. A ways down the dirt path, he met an old monk named Colonius, told him of his vision, and did stab him through the testicles. Colonius fell to the earth and cursed Milwyk three times. Milwyk was not daunted, for he knew his newfound mission was just and divine. He left the monk and walked farther down, where he met Garth the Blind Minstrel. Garth strummed a lute and bade Milwyk give him a copper for bread, or perhaps a ride into town on the back of one of his hogs. Rather, the blessed swineherd did stab Garth through both his eyes and left him where he lie.
Still further down the road Milwyk came to the gates of Barnoldswick, where he did gloriously stab two boys, a nun, a cooper, and a Roman sentry through his thigh. The sentry and his bretheren then took from poore Milwyk his knife, beat him about his head and shoulders, and dragged him before Suetonius, the town magistrate.
Milwyk told Suetonius of his divine mission of stabbing. Suetonius bade Milwyk renounce his quest and Christian faith, or be broiled alive in oil. Milwyk then did readily renounce his faith, but was boiled alive anyway.
Over time news of poor Milwyk’s holy vision and martyrdom spread throughout the land. His legend grew, and he was canonized as a saint by the Holy See in 1924. While some modern scholars attribute his unusual behavior to the dementing effects of tertiary syphillis rather than divine inspiration, today Milwyk’s memory is honored every year in Barnoldswick-upon-Shire. At the Feast of Saint Stabbins, celebrants sing, dance, and stab one another repeatedly with small paring knives.
This is also cool: Flaming Piggies!