20 Years
Wow! Hey guys. 20 years and one day since I started this thing. My readership is down to zero, but I feel like that is more of a reflection on society, and not this platform.
If I were to think back on my life 20 years ago, this is not anywhere how I would have planned it. Or, probably more likely, if I had the time to review every entry for the last 20 years, it was exactly what I was attempting to accomplish.
I think the second option feels better. I am genuinely happy right now. That is not really a theme of this journal, but I can confidently say that I am. Genuinely happy.
There are the big things. Ya know? The things that everyone strives for all of the time. Like, a good job, and a good relationship. I have those, for the first time in my life, those are lining up. For the first time ever, I have a job where I make more than my dad did. Granted, with inflation it's about half of what he made when he was raising a family, but, I don't have to live every day knowing that I'm going more and more in debt. I can have a job, AND exist as a human without having to pretend that I can pay for my own existence.
Good relationship? Yes. I also have that. We're living together and it is not scaring the absolute shit out of me. I look forward to being around her, and existing together is so fucking enjoyable. I am actually missing her right now, and like, 10 minutes ago she came into the second bedroom wearing a one piece swimming suit, and I am absolutely cutting this entry short because of how good she looked in it.
I always hoped this journal would eventually lead to some sort of happiness, or tolerance of existence. When I started it at 17, I was like every other 17 year old. I was convincing myself that I knew everything there was to know about growing up, while, at the same time, I had no idea what I wanted, or how to get it. I'm not ending this journal on a positive note, because I have no idea what will happen in the next 20 years. I am putting a note in my life, though, where I can say that I really do have it all. Even if it's just for a moment. That's solid, though, I think. Having a good moment over 20 years. Right?
If I were to think back on my life 20 years ago, this is not anywhere how I would have planned it. Or, probably more likely, if I had the time to review every entry for the last 20 years, it was exactly what I was attempting to accomplish.
I think the second option feels better. I am genuinely happy right now. That is not really a theme of this journal, but I can confidently say that I am. Genuinely happy.
There are the big things. Ya know? The things that everyone strives for all of the time. Like, a good job, and a good relationship. I have those, for the first time in my life, those are lining up. For the first time ever, I have a job where I make more than my dad did. Granted, with inflation it's about half of what he made when he was raising a family, but, I don't have to live every day knowing that I'm going more and more in debt. I can have a job, AND exist as a human without having to pretend that I can pay for my own existence.
Good relationship? Yes. I also have that. We're living together and it is not scaring the absolute shit out of me. I look forward to being around her, and existing together is so fucking enjoyable. I am actually missing her right now, and like, 10 minutes ago she came into the second bedroom wearing a one piece swimming suit, and I am absolutely cutting this entry short because of how good she looked in it.
I always hoped this journal would eventually lead to some sort of happiness, or tolerance of existence. When I started it at 17, I was like every other 17 year old. I was convincing myself that I knew everything there was to know about growing up, while, at the same time, I had no idea what I wanted, or how to get it. I'm not ending this journal on a positive note, because I have no idea what will happen in the next 20 years. I am putting a note in my life, though, where I can say that I really do have it all. Even if it's just for a moment. That's solid, though, I think. Having a good moment over 20 years. Right?