The Stars Cry Blood
These past few days have been ok, I've had a fight w/ Rose (my great grandmother), and she can not get it through her head that my choice of being another religion other than Kathlic or Christian has nothing to do w/ anything! she grounded me for it, but I found out she isn't gonna really cancle the internet, she bluffed.
....I feel really ashamed of what I have done....I can not tell you guys what...because........I know a few of you would get mad...or upset...and right now I do not need it....I get enought yelling at home....I don't need anyone else yelling or giving me a lecture about how bad it was for me to do it.......I just want to say I'm sorry for what I have done.....even if you guys don't know what it is.........I still want to say sorry.......
Angel made things better........for some reason.....I always feel better talking to him.......he makes everything better.....maybe because sence we're older........he understands what's going on and actully seeing what's going on....I remember...back when we where kids...Angel and David didn't give a damn about my feelings or anything to do with me....I was sad that my own brothers did not like me.......but sence we've grown.........Angel actully sees what's going on...
I've had nothing to do and I really want this week and next week to go by fast....why? so not this up coming saturday but the one after that I'll be free!
I've been so stressed out, and just so.......mad, depressed, and scared for the past few days.
Mad: because I'm grounded
Depressed: because Rose is acting as if I'm some sort of Disease!
Scared: That if everyone found out what I did...........they'd leave
I've been having this dream (it happened....a few nights ago) I dreamt that I told Shawna what I did, she ran and told everyone...they all gathered around me like som sort of caged animal, just looking and pointing saying things like
"Goth girl had a slip."
or
"Watch, her face might bleed."
It was the worse thing ever, I looked around and saw Kyle, Shawna, Nathan, Keith, and Stephanie I reached out for them but they all walked away, I screamed for them to come back yelling.
"GUYS!! PLEASE COME BACK!! I'M SORRY!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!"
I woke up in the hallway, the floor was cold, I layed there crying, after about 10 minutes I got myself up and crawled back in bed...that happened at 3:30 in the morning....I've been such a reck, and it has been a while sence I've had a dream like that.......I know it wouldn't happen....but.....it scared me to death.
This morning, I heard my alarm go off, I layed there and thought about lieing and saying I didn't feel good, just so I didn't have to see anyone, but....I desided against it and got up, I really didn't want to get up today or do anything, I've been feeling like a a piece of crap!
I'm gonna go and check up on a few more things.
Later.
....I feel really ashamed of what I have done....I can not tell you guys what...because........I know a few of you would get mad...or upset...and right now I do not need it....I get enought yelling at home....I don't need anyone else yelling or giving me a lecture about how bad it was for me to do it.......I just want to say I'm sorry for what I have done.....even if you guys don't know what it is.........I still want to say sorry.......
Angel made things better........for some reason.....I always feel better talking to him.......he makes everything better.....maybe because sence we're older........he understands what's going on and actully seeing what's going on....I remember...back when we where kids...Angel and David didn't give a damn about my feelings or anything to do with me....I was sad that my own brothers did not like me.......but sence we've grown.........Angel actully sees what's going on...
I've had nothing to do and I really want this week and next week to go by fast....why? so not this up coming saturday but the one after that I'll be free!
I've been so stressed out, and just so.......mad, depressed, and scared for the past few days.
Mad: because I'm grounded
Depressed: because Rose is acting as if I'm some sort of Disease!
Scared: That if everyone found out what I did...........they'd leave
I've been having this dream (it happened....a few nights ago) I dreamt that I told Shawna what I did, she ran and told everyone...they all gathered around me like som sort of caged animal, just looking and pointing saying things like
"Goth girl had a slip."
or
"Watch, her face might bleed."
It was the worse thing ever, I looked around and saw Kyle, Shawna, Nathan, Keith, and Stephanie I reached out for them but they all walked away, I screamed for them to come back yelling.
"GUYS!! PLEASE COME BACK!! I'M SORRY!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!"
I woke up in the hallway, the floor was cold, I layed there crying, after about 10 minutes I got myself up and crawled back in bed...that happened at 3:30 in the morning....I've been such a reck, and it has been a while sence I've had a dream like that.......I know it wouldn't happen....but.....it scared me to death.
This morning, I heard my alarm go off, I layed there and thought about lieing and saying I didn't feel good, just so I didn't have to see anyone, but....I desided against it and got up, I really didn't want to get up today or do anything, I've been feeling like a a piece of crap!
I'm gonna go and check up on a few more things.
Later.