(no subject)
this is quite possibly the most intense year or my life so far.
my head's swimming. i feel like i've just been floating around all day, and nothing's really sinking in.
since last fall, everything seems to have been on this huge decline, and just when it seems things can't get more depressing, life finds away.
hopefully this haze is some kind of mental defense mechanism.
maybe its just left over from a surprisingly beautiful long weekend.
we came home early and visited my dad today.
they had to stop chemo and radiation, and now he's in hospice.
so basically, we're doing the whole "comfortable as possible" "quality of life" thing.
i saw cousins i haven't seen in over a decade, and my uncle who never comes to buffalo, all stopping in to make some sort of peace.
he was sad about missing jamey's wedding, but colleen (stepmother) had his friends from Pennsylvania come so surprise him. he spent an amazing year with those guys, and learned a lot about himself and his spirituality. things he learned there are some of the values and positive attitude that seem to have kept him in good spirits up to this point. it's hard to tell how he's taking it. he's confused from high levels of calcium, and that coupled with pain management, and other meds are decreasing his energy. he's hard to understand him when he talks, and he's lost a lot of weight.
this just sucks. i dont know how else to put it.
things were looking like they were about to turn around for the better.
i should known better by now.
my head's swimming. i feel like i've just been floating around all day, and nothing's really sinking in.
since last fall, everything seems to have been on this huge decline, and just when it seems things can't get more depressing, life finds away.
hopefully this haze is some kind of mental defense mechanism.
maybe its just left over from a surprisingly beautiful long weekend.
we came home early and visited my dad today.
they had to stop chemo and radiation, and now he's in hospice.
so basically, we're doing the whole "comfortable as possible" "quality of life" thing.
i saw cousins i haven't seen in over a decade, and my uncle who never comes to buffalo, all stopping in to make some sort of peace.
he was sad about missing jamey's wedding, but colleen (stepmother) had his friends from Pennsylvania come so surprise him. he spent an amazing year with those guys, and learned a lot about himself and his spirituality. things he learned there are some of the values and positive attitude that seem to have kept him in good spirits up to this point. it's hard to tell how he's taking it. he's confused from high levels of calcium, and that coupled with pain management, and other meds are decreasing his energy. he's hard to understand him when he talks, and he's lost a lot of weight.
this just sucks. i dont know how else to put it.
things were looking like they were about to turn around for the better.
i should known better by now.