Alison's Starting To Happen To Me
The following is a snippet from a 8,180 word story. The full story is located at:
http://www.mentallyincontinent.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=266
Why don't I post the whole story? Because I don't want to piss off the people who's friends page it appears on :) So, if you like what you see here, I invite you to check the rest out at the site!
Preface
If there is one thing I am pretty famous for among my friends, it’s getting into trouble.
No, seriously! It’s true!
However, there’s another thing I’m actually MORE famous for, and that’s getting OUT of trouble. If you ask my best friend Mike what he would consider is the most outrageous thing I have ever weaseled my way out of, he’d probably regale you with an epic tale of accidentally setting a major chain restaurant ablaze and getting away with only a slap on the wrist. I surrendered a few weekends over a period of 20 weeks to pick up garbage on the side of the road and sell used junk to people at the Goodwill retail center - and I have a sealed record, to boot. All in all, not nearly as bad as it could have been. It's not the best story, however.
My wife, Andrea, may have a different tale to tell when posed with that particular query, choosing to share with you the story of how I have managed to talk my way out of just about every speeding ticket I have been faced with over the past 4 years (27, at last count). She would probably then tell you about a specific incident that occurred late one night as I drove her home after a date. A police cruiser began following me at about 55 miles an hour in a 40 mile an hour zone with every light turned off. We both knew that I was probably going to get a ticket, as the Henry County Police are notorious for both ticket quotas and being complete dicks. So, in a bold and completely insane move, I sped up. Naturally, the policeman increased his speed as well to keep my pace. So I went faster. He went faster. We topped 70, 80, up to 90 miles an hour in this 40 mile an hour zone when, finally, he flipped on his blue-and-reds and pulled me over. Once he approached the window, I began frantically panting and thanking God that he was, indeed, a police officer.
“What’s goin’ on, son?” He asked. “What’s wrong?”
*Gasp* “Oh, thank GOD you are a cop…”
“Hold on now… What’chew mean, ‘Thank Gawd I’m a cop?”
I then “explained” to the officer - with a straight face - that I was once a victim of a drive-by shooting that occurred very much in the same manner that he had just approached me, and I just freaked out and began speeding to get away from it. I begged him to give me a ticket, because “I don’t mind paying for my crimes when I commit them, officer… I am just very, very glad that you weren’t another shooter!”
He gave me a warning and told me to “Git straight home and calm down, ya’ hear?”
Again, good stuff. But not the best.
Yeah, there are a good many stories floating around that detail the various escapades I’ve managed to get myself into and subsequently out of. There is one tale, however, I think tops them all.
And I have never shared it with anyone.
There is not a single person who knows me - aside from the other individual involved - who has ever heard or read a single word of this story, for I have never had the guts to actually tell it to anyone.
That is, until now.
I’m going to share with you one of my greatest secrets, and I’ll start by asking you a question: Have you ever completely abandoned your greater sensibilities and just let go?
Have you ever taken the whole of your common sense - every single idea and notion instilled in your being that guides and directs you in ways that keep you from completely and utterly blowing the whole thing all to hell - and just tossed them aside, choosing instead to just LIVE; to let a moment develop and exist which all at once so beautiful and clumsy and embarrassing and so, so utterly human? Is there a single instance that you can point to in your life that you can say “I don’t regret it one bit... I cherish and love the memory of it, I hold it sacred and consider it one of the finest moments of my life - and, if given the chance, there is no way in hell I will ever - EVER - do it again?”
Yeah... Um... Me either.
I jest. Without further ado: The story.
[snip]
View the rest of this story and more like it at www.MentallyIncontinent.com!