So, It's A Saturday At Work
And I'm going to go back and forth between capitalizing my post titles and not capitalizing them. Neat. Had the last two days off of work and ENJOYED them. How did I enjoy them, you ask? By laying around doing absolutely nothing. Seriously. There's really not much better than laying on your ass doing nothing for two days straight.
Well, that's kind of a lie. I did get up and move on Friday. I went and got a haircut, picked up my anti-seizure medicine, then picked up my phone for being on-call for the week. Yeah, I'm going to enjoooy that. There's nothing like getting woken up at 3 AM for no good reason. Should be a fun week. And by fun, I mean annoying and possibly violent.
I'm sitting here on the phone, talking with Steph as she's driving and moving her stuff from Middle River back home to Randallstown. Her and her boyfriend of 4 1/2 years or so split up (really, he dumped her because... I'm not sure, he's an idiot, whatever), so she's taking everything and getting the hell out of there. Don't blame her. One bit. Their relationship's kinda been falling apart for a while now, so him being an idiot and dumping her probably spared more hurt feelings down the line. I was supposed to help her move today, but obviously, I'm stuck at work instead. So I'm providing telephonic moral support while I can get away with it. I'll probably send a bunch of texts.
The other situation that I'm dealing with is my friend Mike, who I was really close with when we both lived in Anchorage. Mike was married to one of my best friends in Anchorage, Nicole. Mike cheated on Nicole with her best friend a couple of months into their marriage, so it had been rocky pretty much the entire time I knew them. By the time I left Anchorage, they were working on a divorce. Mike had found a new girlfriend named Nailene who was going to move to Las Vegas with Mike, since Mike was getting stationed there. So when Mike got reassigned, Nailene moved with him... until Mike deployed. At that point, Nailene decided that she didn't want to be a military girlfriend, nor did she want to be away from Alaska. So she moved back while Mike was away, leaving him to find out after he returned. This understandably hurt Mike, so they broke it off and Mike started dating this awesome woman named Katye (pronounced like Katie). Last time I talked to Mike was last Sunday, when he called me to let me know that Katye was pregnant, and how excited he was that he was going to be a father. See, Mike and I have always had that in common: we both wanted to be fathers at young ages. Seriously, for me, being a father has always been one of my biggest life dreams, probably because my dad didn't do such a fantastic job with me and I've always wanted to prove that I could do a better job. I think I'd make a fantastic father. So it drives me insane when a guy gets to have a kid and abandons it. It does moreso after my divorce. I feel like my one really great shot at having a kid disappeared when Erna and I split. I mean, how cruel was that? All I wanted on this earth was to be a father, and she gets pregnant with another guy's kid? Anyway... Mike's wired very similarly in that respect. Or I thought he was. Two days later I get a text from Katye saying that Mike had told Nailene that Katye was pregnant, so Nailene decided to profess her love for Mike and tell him that she was ready to move back to Vegas. And for some reason, Mike's dumbass said, "Okay, I still love you, let's get back together and I'll dump my pregnant girlfriend." Uhh... what?! Yeah, I'm seething, rage pissed at Mike. I've ended up talking with Katye most of the week, being as good of a support as I can be. That feels awkward for me, because I've been friends with Mike for a long time and even through my more stupid decisions, Mike's supported me. I've also never done something as blatantly moronic as walking away from my pregnant girlfriend who makes me very happy to go back with an ex that's walked away from me once already. Katye and the baby are innocent in this. They need support, so I'm offering it. I'm trying to figure out when to call Mike and how to talk about how I feel about this with him without completely pushing him away. I haven't figured this out yet, so I haven't called him. In the meantime, I'm making a pretty amazing friendship with Katye. If nothing else good comes out of this situation, at least a baby and a new friendship will.
But yeah, between relationships ending poorly this week and me stretching myself thin, I've just been run down. I needed the last two days to just relax. This is what I do, every single time. I always end up being the support, because I can't bear not to be. No matter what's going on in my life. I can't complain too much, because well... there's not really anything going on in my life right now. And I'm the one putting myself out there. As much as I try to sit here and say that I don't put myself out there for people anymore, that I don't trust people, that I don't let people in... some days, some weeks, some people some situations cause me to fall right back into those habits. If my friends are in trouble, I can't shake the feeling of needing to rush to their aid. That's what makes me, in my opinion, a good friend. I still need to learn how to balance that with not letting myself become a doormat. I'm doing better. One step at a time.
Well, that's kind of a lie. I did get up and move on Friday. I went and got a haircut, picked up my anti-seizure medicine, then picked up my phone for being on-call for the week. Yeah, I'm going to enjoooy that. There's nothing like getting woken up at 3 AM for no good reason. Should be a fun week. And by fun, I mean annoying and possibly violent.
I'm sitting here on the phone, talking with Steph as she's driving and moving her stuff from Middle River back home to Randallstown. Her and her boyfriend of 4 1/2 years or so split up (really, he dumped her because... I'm not sure, he's an idiot, whatever), so she's taking everything and getting the hell out of there. Don't blame her. One bit. Their relationship's kinda been falling apart for a while now, so him being an idiot and dumping her probably spared more hurt feelings down the line. I was supposed to help her move today, but obviously, I'm stuck at work instead. So I'm providing telephonic moral support while I can get away with it. I'll probably send a bunch of texts.
The other situation that I'm dealing with is my friend Mike, who I was really close with when we both lived in Anchorage. Mike was married to one of my best friends in Anchorage, Nicole. Mike cheated on Nicole with her best friend a couple of months into their marriage, so it had been rocky pretty much the entire time I knew them. By the time I left Anchorage, they were working on a divorce. Mike had found a new girlfriend named Nailene who was going to move to Las Vegas with Mike, since Mike was getting stationed there. So when Mike got reassigned, Nailene moved with him... until Mike deployed. At that point, Nailene decided that she didn't want to be a military girlfriend, nor did she want to be away from Alaska. So she moved back while Mike was away, leaving him to find out after he returned. This understandably hurt Mike, so they broke it off and Mike started dating this awesome woman named Katye (pronounced like Katie). Last time I talked to Mike was last Sunday, when he called me to let me know that Katye was pregnant, and how excited he was that he was going to be a father. See, Mike and I have always had that in common: we both wanted to be fathers at young ages. Seriously, for me, being a father has always been one of my biggest life dreams, probably because my dad didn't do such a fantastic job with me and I've always wanted to prove that I could do a better job. I think I'd make a fantastic father. So it drives me insane when a guy gets to have a kid and abandons it. It does moreso after my divorce. I feel like my one really great shot at having a kid disappeared when Erna and I split. I mean, how cruel was that? All I wanted on this earth was to be a father, and she gets pregnant with another guy's kid? Anyway... Mike's wired very similarly in that respect. Or I thought he was. Two days later I get a text from Katye saying that Mike had told Nailene that Katye was pregnant, so Nailene decided to profess her love for Mike and tell him that she was ready to move back to Vegas. And for some reason, Mike's dumbass said, "Okay, I still love you, let's get back together and I'll dump my pregnant girlfriend." Uhh... what?! Yeah, I'm seething, rage pissed at Mike. I've ended up talking with Katye most of the week, being as good of a support as I can be. That feels awkward for me, because I've been friends with Mike for a long time and even through my more stupid decisions, Mike's supported me. I've also never done something as blatantly moronic as walking away from my pregnant girlfriend who makes me very happy to go back with an ex that's walked away from me once already. Katye and the baby are innocent in this. They need support, so I'm offering it. I'm trying to figure out when to call Mike and how to talk about how I feel about this with him without completely pushing him away. I haven't figured this out yet, so I haven't called him. In the meantime, I'm making a pretty amazing friendship with Katye. If nothing else good comes out of this situation, at least a baby and a new friendship will.
But yeah, between relationships ending poorly this week and me stretching myself thin, I've just been run down. I needed the last two days to just relax. This is what I do, every single time. I always end up being the support, because I can't bear not to be. No matter what's going on in my life. I can't complain too much, because well... there's not really anything going on in my life right now. And I'm the one putting myself out there. As much as I try to sit here and say that I don't put myself out there for people anymore, that I don't trust people, that I don't let people in... some days, some weeks, some people some situations cause me to fall right back into those habits. If my friends are in trouble, I can't shake the feeling of needing to rush to their aid. That's what makes me, in my opinion, a good friend. I still need to learn how to balance that with not letting myself become a doormat. I'm doing better. One step at a time.