self pity, story of a genetic failure
it is clear that the philosophy that i operate under (if it could even be called that) offers no guarantees. at the moment i feel like a shambles. fear, insecurity, hypochondria. last night i noticed a spot of blood on my chest and picked it off and there was a little cut underneath that i didn't know was there. i put a dab of iodine on it and it felt like it made my heart hurt. my right arm is seeping with poison ivy and sometimes it's hard to think straight. i don't even know where i got it from or if some of the oil from the poison ivy plant is still lingering in the house or on my backpack or on my shoes, etc. where it can get me again. i am always touching my face and eyes and keep worrying that i am going to spread it everywhere. when i'm sick i feel that being well is impossible and the world crushes in on me. i feel like i can't breathe.