conflict of emotions.
its all so surreal.
yet at the same time, depressing.
it seems rather insipid, in a way.
the whole concept of birthdays.
its only quintessential if you are somebody.
somebody who you can be proud of;
somebody who is not afraid of people putting you down simply because of the fact that noone should or will.
somebody who does not look back on the past and regret;
somebody who knows that his/her life has a direction and that he/she is striving down that path.
simply put, someone who has goals.
and only when you are all these things, does your birthday mean something,
because a person who has a purpose was born on that day.
but if you are not, then your birthday is simply a waste.
because it was a day on which somebody who has no purpose was born.
its so stupid to say stuff like that on the eve of a birthday.
but i was just thinking abt it.
oh wells.
for what its worth,
im not any of those people mentioned above.
but im not going t cut my wrists or jump off somewhere because of that.
im going t make sure i am everyone of those people mentioned above when i turn 21.
yay.
if she remembers, it'll be the best birthday ever.