(no subject)
This is gonna be a long one...
A LOT happened yesterday. So lets get started shall we?
I was talking to Benji last night. It was late... like one. We were talking about all the shit my dad does to me and I just got kind of overwhelmed and broke down begging him to come hold me.
Thank God he did, because if not I probably wouldn’t be typing this out right now.
So I went outside to wait for him. I just didn’t want any noise to wake my dad. Anyways he was there pretty quick. And he brought pasta! [I told him I was hungry] but too bad I lost my appetite.
First thing he did was hug me. He smelt so good and shit he was holding me like if he let go I’d fall and die. He’s just so caring I don’t deserve him AT ALL. But it was cold and we were both shaking so he helped me inside and up the stairs to my room.
I’m telling him everything. Some of it’s easier than others but I’m getting through it. It feels good to finally tell someone. But shit. One thing. One horrible memory and I lost it. I can’t even tell you because it just hurts so much to think about what he did to me. Shit anyways I just got really upset and ended up puking. Benji just sat there like it was no big deal and rubbed my back. When I finally calmed down he pulled me close to him and kissed the top of my head! HIS LIPS WERE ON ME!!!11 … Shut up…
Then Benji got really mad and was so close to just beating the shit out of him. He can’t do that. I know what my dad can do… Benji doesn’t think he would hurt him but he has no idea what he can do…
I was seriously begging him not to do it. He said he wouldn’t but he was so tense. He needed to calm down and the only way I could do that was hug him. So I did and I felt him relax in my arms.
Then when I finally fell asleep I had the WORST nightmare ever. It felt so real to. Benji and I had fallen asleep in each other’s arms. And in the morning I woke up and he was smiling at me and he kissed me! [I hate dreams…] but it felt so fucking real. And then he told me he was sorry that my dad does that to me. Of course my dad had come in and heard Benji. He went nuts… I had a dream my father raped my best friend… it just felt so fucking real. I just know that’s what WILL happen if he ever finds out. And whenever I try to tell Benj he never lets me finish. He thinks he’s like invincible against him…
So I finally woke up from that horribleness and freaked out because Benji wasn’t there. Totally panicking that my dream was becoming reality. But then I realized my dad would of ended up doing some shit to me. So I calmed down and quickly got ready for school wanting to see Benji before class… not like he’d be there early anyways but ya know.
So anyways I’m on my way to school and who do I see sitting on the curb in front of me? That’s right Benji. His knees were pulled to his chest and his head was down. Poor thing was probably so tired. I sat down next to him on the curb and he didn’t move so I pulled him into a hug and thanked him for staying with me last night. He looked up and me and gave me this soft smile. My. Heart. Melted. He’s just so perfect and everything about him I love.
So on the way to school he asked me if I was OK and I told him I was. But other then that we were rather quiet. I mean what do you really say after a night like that? Because I really don’t know.
English was English. I’m still not done with my paper and its due Friday. Whatever…
Then in History he asked me again if I was OK. And everyone’s like “ABOUT WHAT?!??!” Nosey fucks. He shut his mouth and I never answered him. But I’m sure he knew I was fine.
Lunch was so awkward. He was quiet but it’s not like he ever talks but I was quiet too [that happens once in a blue moon] and Colleen and everyone was staring at me like “what the fuck is wrong Joel your never THIS quiet!”
Sciences was the slowest class ever.
And then I thought PE was gonna suck too because I was sure Benji wasn’t going to be there. But he was.
I am way too clingy.
And then after school we went over to his house. His room… it definitely reflects his personality in a way. It was nice. We just listened to music and talked and shit time went by so fast.
I was late for the pre game warm ups. Coach was pissed and almost took my start away. But I still got to pitch and I was so nervous. I never really get nervous anymore but with Benji there and everything. I needed to impress him so yeah. It was a bumpy first. I walked the bases loaded with no outs but I managed to work out of without giving up anything. Then from the second on I settled in and it was smooth sailing from there. The offense kept my back and scored a bunch of runs for me and I held the opponent to nothing over seven.
But Benji still needs to be the water boy. I want someone to talk to in between innings… The rest of the team doesn’t talk to me, something about throwing off my concentration.
Then after the game Benji congratulated me about my seven innings of shut out ball and then offered to walk me home.
Of course I said yes. So we walked home. My dad’s car wasn’t in the drive when we got there so I think it was safe for me to go in and everything. So I told Benji I’d be all right and he just kind of stood there. So I hugged him real tight one last time and thanked him for everything he’s done for me.
He’s way too good to me.
I have to repay him somehow. He keeps telling me how shitty his guitar is so maybe I’ll buy him a new one or something to say thanks.
Okay this was wayyy long.
A LOT happened yesterday. So lets get started shall we?
I was talking to Benji last night. It was late... like one. We were talking about all the shit my dad does to me and I just got kind of overwhelmed and broke down begging him to come hold me.
Thank God he did, because if not I probably wouldn’t be typing this out right now.
So I went outside to wait for him. I just didn’t want any noise to wake my dad. Anyways he was there pretty quick. And he brought pasta! [I told him I was hungry] but too bad I lost my appetite.
First thing he did was hug me. He smelt so good and shit he was holding me like if he let go I’d fall and die. He’s just so caring I don’t deserve him AT ALL. But it was cold and we were both shaking so he helped me inside and up the stairs to my room.
I’m telling him everything. Some of it’s easier than others but I’m getting through it. It feels good to finally tell someone. But shit. One thing. One horrible memory and I lost it. I can’t even tell you because it just hurts so much to think about what he did to me. Shit anyways I just got really upset and ended up puking. Benji just sat there like it was no big deal and rubbed my back. When I finally calmed down he pulled me close to him and kissed the top of my head! HIS LIPS WERE ON ME!!!11 … Shut up…
Then Benji got really mad and was so close to just beating the shit out of him. He can’t do that. I know what my dad can do… Benji doesn’t think he would hurt him but he has no idea what he can do…
I was seriously begging him not to do it. He said he wouldn’t but he was so tense. He needed to calm down and the only way I could do that was hug him. So I did and I felt him relax in my arms.
Then when I finally fell asleep I had the WORST nightmare ever. It felt so real to. Benji and I had fallen asleep in each other’s arms. And in the morning I woke up and he was smiling at me and he kissed me! [I hate dreams…] but it felt so fucking real. And then he told me he was sorry that my dad does that to me. Of course my dad had come in and heard Benji. He went nuts… I had a dream my father raped my best friend… it just felt so fucking real. I just know that’s what WILL happen if he ever finds out. And whenever I try to tell Benj he never lets me finish. He thinks he’s like invincible against him…
So I finally woke up from that horribleness and freaked out because Benji wasn’t there. Totally panicking that my dream was becoming reality. But then I realized my dad would of ended up doing some shit to me. So I calmed down and quickly got ready for school wanting to see Benji before class… not like he’d be there early anyways but ya know.
So anyways I’m on my way to school and who do I see sitting on the curb in front of me? That’s right Benji. His knees were pulled to his chest and his head was down. Poor thing was probably so tired. I sat down next to him on the curb and he didn’t move so I pulled him into a hug and thanked him for staying with me last night. He looked up and me and gave me this soft smile. My. Heart. Melted. He’s just so perfect and everything about him I love.
So on the way to school he asked me if I was OK and I told him I was. But other then that we were rather quiet. I mean what do you really say after a night like that? Because I really don’t know.
English was English. I’m still not done with my paper and its due Friday. Whatever…
Then in History he asked me again if I was OK. And everyone’s like “ABOUT WHAT?!??!” Nosey fucks. He shut his mouth and I never answered him. But I’m sure he knew I was fine.
Lunch was so awkward. He was quiet but it’s not like he ever talks but I was quiet too [that happens once in a blue moon] and Colleen and everyone was staring at me like “what the fuck is wrong Joel your never THIS quiet!”
Sciences was the slowest class ever.
And then I thought PE was gonna suck too because I was sure Benji wasn’t going to be there. But he was.
I am way too clingy.
And then after school we went over to his house. His room… it definitely reflects his personality in a way. It was nice. We just listened to music and talked and shit time went by so fast.
I was late for the pre game warm ups. Coach was pissed and almost took my start away. But I still got to pitch and I was so nervous. I never really get nervous anymore but with Benji there and everything. I needed to impress him so yeah. It was a bumpy first. I walked the bases loaded with no outs but I managed to work out of without giving up anything. Then from the second on I settled in and it was smooth sailing from there. The offense kept my back and scored a bunch of runs for me and I held the opponent to nothing over seven.
But Benji still needs to be the water boy. I want someone to talk to in between innings… The rest of the team doesn’t talk to me, something about throwing off my concentration.
Then after the game Benji congratulated me about my seven innings of shut out ball and then offered to walk me home.
Of course I said yes. So we walked home. My dad’s car wasn’t in the drive when we got there so I think it was safe for me to go in and everything. So I told Benji I’d be all right and he just kind of stood there. So I hugged him real tight one last time and thanked him for everything he’s done for me.
He’s way too good to me.
I have to repay him somehow. He keeps telling me how shitty his guitar is so maybe I’ll buy him a new one or something to say thanks.
Okay this was wayyy long.