Story - Caralyne and Annabelle - Chapter 1
I began to write this story in 98 I think. It’s basically a love story. This is the third revision of the first chapter. It’s somewhat sexually explicit but I wouldn’t say it was rated X more like gently R rated so viewer discretion advised.
Please enjoy my story and please comment.
I swirled in an abyss of black half-fulfilled ecstasy, touching and caressing my skin to relieve the tension that was building up inside me. I masturbated to the image of my best friend Caralynne. My mind drifted through memory and fantasy to find the perfect thought of her. She was so beautiful to me and I wanted, I painfully wanted my hand to be hers. Ever since I could remember I dreamed of being her lover but I was terrified of losing her, I feared that she would reject me or worse hate me for what I am. I love Caralynne to much to give up everything for some kind of physical need that I had, but still if she could understand what it could be, it could be love. My uncertainty and longing for her grew as a pain inside of me. The feelings colliding inside of me were driving me crazy and I began to cry, half from the frustration of not being able to make myself cum and half from the desperate longing for Caralynne. I felt like I was stuck in a vortex of lost hope and love never realised.
Sometimes I felt clear as to what I wanted or to what I was going to say to her and other times I felt so scared, scared to loose what we already had. I needed a relief, the kind of relief I haven’t been able to obtain for so long. I slowly eased two of my fingers deep inside myself, but still it wasn’t enough. My muscles and my sex began to hurt from the effort but the emptiness and tension far outweighed any physical discomfort I felt.
My mind began to drift away from Caralynne and towards Gwenhyvar. I lost my virginity to her when I was 14, she was 17, and I was very happy to give it to her. Gwen was a gorgeous woman; she had long dark auburn almost black hair, deep brown eyes, and a pale almost Victorian complexion. Gwenhyvar always dressed extravagantly showing off her body as much as she could get away with. She wore vibrant expensive looking colours on equally expensive looking fabrics. Her mother was a costume designer and all of Gwen’s clothes were made by her.
She looked rich and out of the reach of anyone except as it turned out for me. From the first day she saw me she pursued me. She made it a point to eat lunch with me and ask me incessantly if I need help with homework. She made conversation with me as if we were life long friends, walked me home almost daily, even waited for me before homeroom. Eventually she kissed me, she was walking me home and when we got to my door she gave me a peck on the lips as a goodbye. We stared at one another until she kissed me again, this time it was deep and passionate and completely unbridled. I kissed her back.
Within a few days, and with my mother gone to a medical conference, we made love. It was incredible. At first I felt lost, not knowing what to do, but very quickly I learned from her. I learned where to touch her and how to touch her. I began to feel alive and wonderful and beautiful and powerful with her. I loved the power I held over her, with my very breath I could make her beg, with my every touch I could make her mine, and she held the same power over me. We made love as often as we could but we were only together for a short time. She left the school at the end of the first semester. I miss her but I don’t think I loved her. She never told me that she loved me either. I don’t think it was required for us. Our relationship was more like an apprenticeship; she taught me how to love. She taught me the meaning of sex. And most importantly she taught me I could love another woman. Other women being attracted to men seemed so strange and alien to me and sometimes I wondered how anyone could not want to be with a woman.
My mind drifted back and forth from memories of making love with Gwen to fantasies of making love to Caralynne. I rolled onto my stomach and straddled one of my pillows. I pushed my palm flat against my sex to try to ease the pain. I needed a release, the stress and need inside of me was growing every day. The images of Caralynne’s body continued to float through my head. I felt guilty thinking of her while I masturbated, I didn’t want my love for her to be a desperate sexual one. I wanted to love her for what she is, an incredibly beautiful person inside and out. She is kind to every one and never judges even if someone deserves it. She’s smart and strong and I loved her for all of it. Sometimes I wished I didn’t think of her sexually but I always want to love her.
"Fuck," I cried out loudly as I threw the pillow against the wall. I tried to pull my mind from the torture I had made myself. I rolled over half off my bed so I could sit up. Caralynne had been my best friend for as long as I could remember. We met in grade school when we were very little. She had just moved from out east and she sat beside me in class. I was very shy then and I didn’t have very many friends but even at that age I was attracted to her somehow. I tried my hardest to get to know her and quickly we became friends. After a few weeks we became inseparable. Until Gwenhyvar I didn’t really think about her sexually, before Gwen I tried to picture myself with boys but after her I knew what I was feeling for Caralynne.
I got up to take a shower. I stood in the tub with the cold water hitting my skin. The droplets of water were like little ice pellets falling on me. The coldness made the muscles in my back tighten and all the soft areas of my body sting. I took the shower head off the holster and held it against my sex. My body instantly began to chill from the inside out. I leaned my head against the wall to support myself. I still couldn’t get her out of my mind.
After Gwen I became restless. I started going out with anyone at school that was even remotely gay. After Gwen was Cassy, an attractive girl my age. We went out for a couple of months but other then going out on dates and sex we didn’t socialize. After Cassy came Jane. Jane was by far a lot less intelligent then me but was great in bed. After Jane it was Sarah then Carry then Lisa then Linda then Tabby. When I got tired of being with someone or I grew tired of them not meeting my expectations I left them but I didn’t stay alone for long. After only a while the loneliness began to creep back in and I would transfer my obsessive desire for Caralynne onto someone else and then the cycle would start again.
Sometimes I thought I was a slut. I was never happy with anyone but I would never feel bad about having sex with them. I thought ‘Did other lesbians feel like this? Other girls dated men like this. Other girls were unhappy with what they had and turned to physical affection to feel better about themselves.’
My life continued like this, going from girl to girl, until I decided to fast track through school. I began to take night classes, distant learning, summer school, and I didn’t take any spares. I took courses that were specific to university. Some of my old girlfriends would sometimes ask me out and I’d refuse, but when Caralynne asked me to do something, anything, I’d go. Today she wanted to go skating, I hate skating but I could be with her and my total ineptitude with skating meant she would have to hold me a lot to keep me from falling.
I was freezing. I put the head back into its holster and turned the hot water on. The warmth filled my body and loosened my tightly clenched muscles. My heart was still pounding in my chest from my excitement and the coldness lingering in my body. I did this constantly, in the morning I’d give into my endless desires and try desperately to find some kind of release, but for months now I couldn’t, and at night I’d sketch her picture dreaming of laying with her talking and cuddling. My desperation and fear lead to me being unable to cum. Thinking of Caralynne would make me painfully excited but no matter how long or hard I tried I could not climax. I sometimes spent hours trying but it just didn’t happen. I want to tell her how I feel but I didn’t want to lose her and that conflict inside of me affected me in every way. I couldn’t work or sleep or eat I just felt depressed and empty all the time. I loved her so much and I wanted to be with her so much that I was afraid, I was afraid that I thought about her so much that it was becoming an obsession and I didn’t want to be obsessed with her. All I wanted was to be with her and if she would have me I would be the happiest woman in the world.
I got out of the shower and back to my room. I liked being able to walk around the house naked without my mom telling me to get dressed all the time. She was at another medical conference; she went to things like that a lot. My mother was an MD and a bunch of other abbreviations. She studied and took tests and courses a lot every year she had a new certificate or diploma or medical certification to hang on the wall. My mother really was brilliant. My dad, a lawyer, left us shortly after I was born.
I started to cry a little as I started to get dressed for my outing with Caralynne. I always tried to look beautiful for her and I chose my clothes carefully, nothing too flashy or too sexy. I wore a pair of blue jeans and a white sweater with a low cut v-neck. The fabric of the sweater was soft and pure white and made me feel attractive.
I stared into the mirror as I fixed my hair. I thought ‘today is the day I’m going to tell her how I feel,’ but every day I think that I am and I never tell her. I looked into my eyes and thought ‘I’m beautiful. Aren’t I?” I didn’t feel unattractive but when you are the age I was some else’s view of yourself can be more important than your own view. I felt like I was attractive when I was with my past girlfriends but at the same time I felt completely unattractive. Sometimes I felt like I was just a body to fuck and truthfully sometimes that’s all I thought of them. Meaningless sex may make you feel physically better but it ruins you emotionally. I can remember with every new girl I dated I felt more alone. Sometimes I would close my eyes and pretend I was making love to Caralynne. I felt worse and worse about myself and after the fight I had with Julie, my last girlfriend, I stopped going out.
Julie might have been someone I could stay with. She was intelligent and funny and was someone I could talk with easily, but she was jealous of Caralynne. Our last fight she demanded that I tell her about us and I told her I couldn’t. Julie accused me of being ashamed of her but that wasn’t the truth, I didn’t want Caralynne to know I was going out with anyone I wanted her to think I was available. I would have left Julie in a heartbeat if Caralynne would take me. Julie and I got into a screaming fit, she’d accuse me of something that she had every right to believe because of the way I acted and I’d accuse her of something just to be spiteful. In the end she asked me if I loved her and I couldn’t answer her. I didn’t know if I did, I knew I didn’t feel for her what I felt for Caralynne and I knew I’d leave her. Julie left me and told me that she couldn’t love me if I didn’t love her. We don’t even look at each other in school anymore. I couldn’t do it anymore. My life felt completely empty and useless. All I could do was bury myself in school work.
I put my coat on and my boots and went out into the cold. The cold felt good against my skin, the hardness of the air cleared my mind and I began to feel a little better. Of course I didn’t own skates but Caralynne had a pair that she said fit me perfectly, I thought they hurt like a bitch. It was always like that with her, anything she wanted to do with me she had whatever I needed to participate. I walked down the street with its orange light beaming down on me. Light after light bringing me closer to her house.