random
Strangely woke up early today and by that I mean before noon. Usually my cat is my alarm clock or sometimes it's my bladder. Mostly though I will run in and pee and then come back to bed cause my biological setting is noon. My cat wants attention too so she'll do her meowing or she'll tip the water bowl. This always works cause since it's so hot out her tipping the water bowl worries me that she'll dehydrate. I need to tell people that whenever I'm gone for several days to check up on her every few hours and make sure more than anything else there is water in her bowl and also that it's upright.
I'm trying to get into some kind of rhythm with my days now. I've always been just going along with the way the day takes me. If I feel like doing this I do this. If I want to that I do that. But I'm trying to set some priorities and it's been difficult. I don't know how long I should browse through my algebra book or if I should even bother yet cause we haven't officially started. I try to do maybe 30 minutes sporadically of strumming the guitar too thinking that if I keep at it I will eventually learn. I got this chart of chords that I practice from but my guitar playing still sounds like shit. I don't even know if I'm strumming it the right way cause both ways sounds like ass. But I keep at it. Just hoping something will click. It's got to I'm sure.
Now I'm waiting for class. Considering leaving at 4 this time. Maybe 4:30. Get there somewhere around 5:15. I am so uncomfortable being out in the open. Walking around campus. I think I have this determined face like I know what I'm doing. Like pssh yeah I know this place. The first day in class it seemed people knew each other and some already knew the teacher. I'm thinking when the teacher is chatting with a former student or a relative of a former student I wonder if I will be heard. I keep projecting such a scenario in my head where I would approach the teacher with a problem but get interrupted by a former student who just so happened to be passing by in the hall and surprises everyone. You see my struggles. Yeah it's kind of dumb. But that's why I signed on here. Just to address my insecurities.
Before I go I think I'll do my 40 laps in the pool. 4 days in a row doing that. It's like a record. It will be a miracle if that lasts. I never stick to anything ever for very long. Trying to stop that. Yeah need to start a routine and just for the sake of Shiva just stick with it for once.
I'm trying to get into some kind of rhythm with my days now. I've always been just going along with the way the day takes me. If I feel like doing this I do this. If I want to that I do that. But I'm trying to set some priorities and it's been difficult. I don't know how long I should browse through my algebra book or if I should even bother yet cause we haven't officially started. I try to do maybe 30 minutes sporadically of strumming the guitar too thinking that if I keep at it I will eventually learn. I got this chart of chords that I practice from but my guitar playing still sounds like shit. I don't even know if I'm strumming it the right way cause both ways sounds like ass. But I keep at it. Just hoping something will click. It's got to I'm sure.
Now I'm waiting for class. Considering leaving at 4 this time. Maybe 4:30. Get there somewhere around 5:15. I am so uncomfortable being out in the open. Walking around campus. I think I have this determined face like I know what I'm doing. Like pssh yeah I know this place. The first day in class it seemed people knew each other and some already knew the teacher. I'm thinking when the teacher is chatting with a former student or a relative of a former student I wonder if I will be heard. I keep projecting such a scenario in my head where I would approach the teacher with a problem but get interrupted by a former student who just so happened to be passing by in the hall and surprises everyone. You see my struggles. Yeah it's kind of dumb. But that's why I signed on here. Just to address my insecurities.
Before I go I think I'll do my 40 laps in the pool. 4 days in a row doing that. It's like a record. It will be a miracle if that lasts. I never stick to anything ever for very long. Trying to stop that. Yeah need to start a routine and just for the sake of Shiva just stick with it for once.