"I dont know how I get the strength to deal with these fucking cowards"
What kind of man shows up drunk to a B.H.S. function shitfaced drunk? What kind of man stumbles around yelling obscenities seemingly offending everyone around him? What kind of man would have the balls to talk to those in charge of said event while reeking of liquor? Who is this man you ask? Jesse Mother Fucking Brown, that's who. A true leader in the community. Leading you into what I cannot tell you, but I'm sure there would be some people to follow this type of man. One of the funniest I've witnessed in a long while. I salute you Bunny Brown. Good Show!
That very same evening was also very eventful for myself as well. In the next few paragraphs I'm going to try to explain those events.
"Nikki Ocean" invited me to Windsor to celebrate somebody's birthday. Who am I to turn down a celebration? Especially when booze is involved. I ask around to see who wants to come with me and only one person ends up going and is none other than A Dirty himself. In the flesh. I've known A Dirty for a couple of years now and I don't think we've ever had that much "man time" together, alone. It was enjoyable, and I think we bonded. Anyway the night starts off typical, walking in the cold to buy over priced drinks at some stupid club/bar that I don't really want to be at anyway, and that friends is where the night changes. *A little side note Nikki Ocean has a cousin that does not like me. At all. To the point where I think she wishes Nikki Ocean had never met me to begin with. We will call her "The Skirt", namely because the reason she does'nt like me much is that one particular Christmas Eve I was caught multiple times sneaking a peak up her skirt. Look ladies, you do not wear skirts that short if you do not want guys like to try and look up them so quit bitching!* Back to the story. Me and A dirty walk into this particular bar and I order a domestic beer, Kieths to be exact. Then I pay $5.50 for the fucking thing, I am ready to go at this point. All of a sudden I hear my name being yelled, with a tone of excitement that made me excited (if you get my drift) I turn to see The Skirt. What in the fuck does she want? I receive one of the tightest hugs I've ever gotten and then a quick and firm grab on my ass.......Seriously I thought she was A. Either extremely drunk B. Extremely stoned or C. I dont even fucking know. So I play the excited role back. We talk for a second and I find out that she is not drunk or stoned much to my surprise. She tells me where everyone is standing and before she walks away she grabs my ass...again. Now this time, for whatever reason I was a little more prepared so without hesitation I tell her that if she keeps doing that we might become friends shes smiles and continues walking away. Ok now on to my intial mission, getting us the fuck out of the over priced sausage fest. I succeed, only to succumb to another over priced club/bar only this time there is plenty of vagina walking around and I'm feeling good tonite so what the hell right? We all post up next to the stage which is right next to the bar. On the stage are drunk dancing bitches. No big deal because if you've watched one drunk bitch dance you've watched them all dance. I converse with the group crack jokes and we are all having a good time. I notice that The Skirt and her "Room-mate" are headed for the stage. Cool, now I can glance up The Skirt's.....skirt. By the way I've had my back to the stage the entire evening up to this point, in fact I was leaning on it. I turn to see the skirt dancing around and it's quasi-hot nothing impressive. Then I get one of the best idea's I've had in awhile. The Skirt is dancing right behind me when I test my luck and lean all the way back on the stage under The Skirt. She walks right over top of me dances for a second and the dips.....yes dips right down to my face, better yet, on my face. I'm fucking SHOCKED! So is Nikki Ocean who's face was absolutely priceless when I stand up, I imagine mine is as well. That went about 10 times better than I wanted it to. More drinks flow and the same thing happens again (about 20min had lapsed). I don't exactly know what to think at this point other than The Skirt is drunk. That's cool, becasue me and drunk women get along well. I guess I lose something when they are sober. Whatever. She comes down and we chat, no big deal. I tell The Skirt that I will buy her a drink and she follow's me to the bar. "I hope the way we are acting tonite doesn't effect the way you think about me Joel", " Don't worry The Skirt, I know tomorrow when you sober up you will hate me again." "Joel, I dont hate you..." Then the unthinkable happens...she kisses me. Now there are not to many times that I am speechless, but this is one of those times. Not the "this chick wants me" speechless, more along the lines of "holy shit two planes flew into the World Trade Center" speechless. After a few seconds of gathering thoughts and remembering how The Skirt told me this past Christmas that she thinks I'm a "fucking idiot" I come back with "Want to go drinking next weekend?" to which she responds with another kiss. My body is shutting down at this point and I can barely order our drinks, but I pull through. *Nikki Ocean I know you read this and I don't know if you witnessed any of what I just mentioned, but if you did'nt dont fucking flip out and run and tell The Skirt, it's not a big deal. Although I would like to party with her again...soon...before she hates me again* Anyway that was pretty much the last time I seen her that night. We left, I was shitfaced and didn't notice until we got to the titty bar. The titty bar is another story itself. I don't think anyone knew the "rule of the roost" becasue they seemed shocked when I put a dollar in my mouth and laid back on the stage to have the fine ass stripper crawl all over me. It was fun and I spent even more money that I don't have on women that I had no chance of fucking. God spits in Joel's face once again. Not much to tell after that. We went to Dimitri's and A Dirty and I got no food, then we went over to Nikki Ocean's boyfriends crib and drank until 6 in the morning watching a Poison dvd arguing about how much better Slash is compared to C.C. Deville. Good times. Nikki Ocean cooked breakfast, we ate and were merry.
With all that being said I ask you, is there not a horny drunk women in Nikki Ocean's family?
ps- Sammers, in case you want to flip out on the Dirty One...he was with Big Brother, you can flip out on me. Besides he was good. I think....
LATER BITCHES!
That very same evening was also very eventful for myself as well. In the next few paragraphs I'm going to try to explain those events.
"Nikki Ocean" invited me to Windsor to celebrate somebody's birthday. Who am I to turn down a celebration? Especially when booze is involved. I ask around to see who wants to come with me and only one person ends up going and is none other than A Dirty himself. In the flesh. I've known A Dirty for a couple of years now and I don't think we've ever had that much "man time" together, alone. It was enjoyable, and I think we bonded. Anyway the night starts off typical, walking in the cold to buy over priced drinks at some stupid club/bar that I don't really want to be at anyway, and that friends is where the night changes. *A little side note Nikki Ocean has a cousin that does not like me. At all. To the point where I think she wishes Nikki Ocean had never met me to begin with. We will call her "The Skirt", namely because the reason she does'nt like me much is that one particular Christmas Eve I was caught multiple times sneaking a peak up her skirt. Look ladies, you do not wear skirts that short if you do not want guys like to try and look up them so quit bitching!* Back to the story. Me and A dirty walk into this particular bar and I order a domestic beer, Kieths to be exact. Then I pay $5.50 for the fucking thing, I am ready to go at this point. All of a sudden I hear my name being yelled, with a tone of excitement that made me excited (if you get my drift) I turn to see The Skirt. What in the fuck does she want? I receive one of the tightest hugs I've ever gotten and then a quick and firm grab on my ass.......Seriously I thought she was A. Either extremely drunk B. Extremely stoned or C. I dont even fucking know. So I play the excited role back. We talk for a second and I find out that she is not drunk or stoned much to my surprise. She tells me where everyone is standing and before she walks away she grabs my ass...again. Now this time, for whatever reason I was a little more prepared so without hesitation I tell her that if she keeps doing that we might become friends shes smiles and continues walking away. Ok now on to my intial mission, getting us the fuck out of the over priced sausage fest. I succeed, only to succumb to another over priced club/bar only this time there is plenty of vagina walking around and I'm feeling good tonite so what the hell right? We all post up next to the stage which is right next to the bar. On the stage are drunk dancing bitches. No big deal because if you've watched one drunk bitch dance you've watched them all dance. I converse with the group crack jokes and we are all having a good time. I notice that The Skirt and her "Room-mate" are headed for the stage. Cool, now I can glance up The Skirt's.....skirt. By the way I've had my back to the stage the entire evening up to this point, in fact I was leaning on it. I turn to see the skirt dancing around and it's quasi-hot nothing impressive. Then I get one of the best idea's I've had in awhile. The Skirt is dancing right behind me when I test my luck and lean all the way back on the stage under The Skirt. She walks right over top of me dances for a second and the dips.....yes dips right down to my face, better yet, on my face. I'm fucking SHOCKED! So is Nikki Ocean who's face was absolutely priceless when I stand up, I imagine mine is as well. That went about 10 times better than I wanted it to. More drinks flow and the same thing happens again (about 20min had lapsed). I don't exactly know what to think at this point other than The Skirt is drunk. That's cool, becasue me and drunk women get along well. I guess I lose something when they are sober. Whatever. She comes down and we chat, no big deal. I tell The Skirt that I will buy her a drink and she follow's me to the bar. "I hope the way we are acting tonite doesn't effect the way you think about me Joel", " Don't worry The Skirt, I know tomorrow when you sober up you will hate me again." "Joel, I dont hate you..." Then the unthinkable happens...she kisses me. Now there are not to many times that I am speechless, but this is one of those times. Not the "this chick wants me" speechless, more along the lines of "holy shit two planes flew into the World Trade Center" speechless. After a few seconds of gathering thoughts and remembering how The Skirt told me this past Christmas that she thinks I'm a "fucking idiot" I come back with "Want to go drinking next weekend?" to which she responds with another kiss. My body is shutting down at this point and I can barely order our drinks, but I pull through. *Nikki Ocean I know you read this and I don't know if you witnessed any of what I just mentioned, but if you did'nt dont fucking flip out and run and tell The Skirt, it's not a big deal. Although I would like to party with her again...soon...before she hates me again* Anyway that was pretty much the last time I seen her that night. We left, I was shitfaced and didn't notice until we got to the titty bar. The titty bar is another story itself. I don't think anyone knew the "rule of the roost" becasue they seemed shocked when I put a dollar in my mouth and laid back on the stage to have the fine ass stripper crawl all over me. It was fun and I spent even more money that I don't have on women that I had no chance of fucking. God spits in Joel's face once again. Not much to tell after that. We went to Dimitri's and A Dirty and I got no food, then we went over to Nikki Ocean's boyfriends crib and drank until 6 in the morning watching a Poison dvd arguing about how much better Slash is compared to C.C. Deville. Good times. Nikki Ocean cooked breakfast, we ate and were merry.
With all that being said I ask you, is there not a horny drunk women in Nikki Ocean's family?
ps- Sammers, in case you want to flip out on the Dirty One...he was with Big Brother, you can flip out on me. Besides he was good. I think....
LATER BITCHES!