Girl on Girl Action!
I figured that might get your attention!
As I was going through my Facebook feed this morning, trying as hard as I could to avoid any posts about politics, I noticed something wonderful - a meme going around for and by women challenging other women to post pictures of themselves in an effort to build up and support each other.
Yeah!
What I liked the most about the meme is its opening admission, “All too often, we women find it easier to criticize each other rather than building each other up.” I’m so glad y’all said it! Cuz’ lemme tell ya - I see it - a LOT!
Now, don’t get me wrong - I am not passing the buck to women. Yes, I know that there are plenty of men out there who treat women like they are unequal and work hard to just keep them in the kitchens. But as a man who (all humor aside) is sensitive to this sort of a thing and speaks up to other men when I see what I view as really inappropriate behavior, I am just FLOORED when I see women do it to one another, and I find myself at a loss for words on what to do. Seriously - women can be just so MEAN to one another! Far more vicious and personal and direct than what men do. And I see it - not just a little, but a LOT!
In my professional life, I see it all the time. Women are fine, as long as they stay in the background. But if a woman steps out, becomes assertive, and starts to really push for some change or some aggressive plan, I can see the looks on the other women’s faces. Gods forbid, a woman volunteer to chair a committee or take on a project. It is almost like the other women in the group are all voicing, “How DARE she step out of line!” And what I don’t understand is, why?
In my family life, I certainly see it. Nobody, but NOBODY can get under the skin of one of my sisters quite like any other one of my sisters (or my mother). And at this point in my life, I have concluded that there is literally nothing I can do about it. When one of them vents to me that another one has pissed her off, I try my best to help and encourage one not to let the other get under her skin so much. But old habits die hard - or will never die. Heck, I’m nearly 50 and I’m the baby. I don’t see this changing. They’ve been that way for as long as I’ve been alive. And what I don’t understand is, why?
In my hobby life, I see it. The SCA is supposed to be a wonderful and ideal world based on courtesy and chivalry. But we have our own weird little culture and traditions and types of behavior. And yes, in the SCA, I have seen women be incredibly critical of other women. If a woman hasn’t been around all that long, but suddenly has a fighter ask to fight for her, I hear the catty comments from women of, “Crown Chaser!” being said about her. I never hear the same of a man. If a female artist is assertive and really tries to get people to look seriously at her art, I hear the catty comments from women that, “she is clearly campaigning for her laurel”. I never hear the same of a man. If a woman tries to actively pursue taking on an office (as opposed to being asked to run the thing), I hear the catty comments from women that, “she obviously wants to suck up to the pelicans.” And I just don’t hear that of a man. And GODS FORBID that a woman show strength or really be assertive about something - then she is just being a bitch! Now sure, these are generalizations - and yes, there are exceptions. But in my experience I have noticed this more often than not to follow the same pattern. And what I don’t understand is, why?
Now, in general, I think we’d all be happier people across the board if we would all make a point to Just Be Nicer to one another and to show everyone respect until and unless there is a specific and pointed reason not to. (And yes, I fully admit that I too really need to work on this more). And yes, I really hope to see women work together and help build each other up. I don’t know if you agree with the observations that I have made in this post or not. Perhaps you think I’m full of it (and you can think that). Perhaps you think I am exaggerating (and you can think that). Or perhaps you never gave this any thought at all. If nothing else, I hope this DOES give us all something to think about and perhaps talk about.
So what have you all observed? Do I stand alone in my observation?
As I was going through my Facebook feed this morning, trying as hard as I could to avoid any posts about politics, I noticed something wonderful - a meme going around for and by women challenging other women to post pictures of themselves in an effort to build up and support each other.
Yeah!
What I liked the most about the meme is its opening admission, “All too often, we women find it easier to criticize each other rather than building each other up.” I’m so glad y’all said it! Cuz’ lemme tell ya - I see it - a LOT!
Now, don’t get me wrong - I am not passing the buck to women. Yes, I know that there are plenty of men out there who treat women like they are unequal and work hard to just keep them in the kitchens. But as a man who (all humor aside) is sensitive to this sort of a thing and speaks up to other men when I see what I view as really inappropriate behavior, I am just FLOORED when I see women do it to one another, and I find myself at a loss for words on what to do. Seriously - women can be just so MEAN to one another! Far more vicious and personal and direct than what men do. And I see it - not just a little, but a LOT!
In my professional life, I see it all the time. Women are fine, as long as they stay in the background. But if a woman steps out, becomes assertive, and starts to really push for some change or some aggressive plan, I can see the looks on the other women’s faces. Gods forbid, a woman volunteer to chair a committee or take on a project. It is almost like the other women in the group are all voicing, “How DARE she step out of line!” And what I don’t understand is, why?
In my family life, I certainly see it. Nobody, but NOBODY can get under the skin of one of my sisters quite like any other one of my sisters (or my mother). And at this point in my life, I have concluded that there is literally nothing I can do about it. When one of them vents to me that another one has pissed her off, I try my best to help and encourage one not to let the other get under her skin so much. But old habits die hard - or will never die. Heck, I’m nearly 50 and I’m the baby. I don’t see this changing. They’ve been that way for as long as I’ve been alive. And what I don’t understand is, why?
In my hobby life, I see it. The SCA is supposed to be a wonderful and ideal world based on courtesy and chivalry. But we have our own weird little culture and traditions and types of behavior. And yes, in the SCA, I have seen women be incredibly critical of other women. If a woman hasn’t been around all that long, but suddenly has a fighter ask to fight for her, I hear the catty comments from women of, “Crown Chaser!” being said about her. I never hear the same of a man. If a female artist is assertive and really tries to get people to look seriously at her art, I hear the catty comments from women that, “she is clearly campaigning for her laurel”. I never hear the same of a man. If a woman tries to actively pursue taking on an office (as opposed to being asked to run the thing), I hear the catty comments from women that, “she obviously wants to suck up to the pelicans.” And I just don’t hear that of a man. And GODS FORBID that a woman show strength or really be assertive about something - then she is just being a bitch! Now sure, these are generalizations - and yes, there are exceptions. But in my experience I have noticed this more often than not to follow the same pattern. And what I don’t understand is, why?
Now, in general, I think we’d all be happier people across the board if we would all make a point to Just Be Nicer to one another and to show everyone respect until and unless there is a specific and pointed reason not to. (And yes, I fully admit that I too really need to work on this more). And yes, I really hope to see women work together and help build each other up. I don’t know if you agree with the observations that I have made in this post or not. Perhaps you think I’m full of it (and you can think that). Perhaps you think I am exaggerating (and you can think that). Or perhaps you never gave this any thought at all. If nothing else, I hope this DOES give us all something to think about and perhaps talk about.
So what have you all observed? Do I stand alone in my observation?