For us older dogs - Relationships Pt 2
Let's see.. where was I?
Oh yeah.. talking bout my dad. I think I was finished with him, pretty much. Dad wasn't round much, and then, when mom and dad divorced he married another woman, and I use the term loosely as she wasn't even human. Edra Hopkins is and was her name. I suspect she's still alive, though that would be a cruel injustice.
Edra gave my father brain cancer. How did she do this? Because she's a toxic bitch monster. I'm surprised Jack, Kit's wife, doesn't have brain cancer.
Okay... that's enough of that. Here's the point. Relationships are an individual thing. They take place in the mind and hormones. They do not take place in the heart, nor are they written in the stars.
It may be that they are fated, but there is so little proof of that, I discount it entirely. Frankly, I'm surprised we meet and occasionally like each other at all
Now, I could go on and on with My relationships. Seriously, who out there cares? I mean, I do. The wounds and arrows of relationships have kept me from... See what I did there? I was blaming my own choices on the relationships I had.
Okay. The wounds I perceive I received from relationships, I have allowed to keep me pretty much a passive aggressive person. There. That's better.
See, in a relationship, we never really know what it's going to be until the damn thing is either nearly finished or it's too late to turn back now. And sometimes, despite all of the warning signs, we plow a head, even through we have enough time to dodge the oncoming train.
Example in point. I was in a relationship with a woman who had a son, who had living parents, two things that went against my 'rules of dating'. Why did I see her? Well, I was lonely, and I wanted someone to go do things with. My other friends were all married and had lives of their own.
I had nobody, or mostly nobody. My lack of self-esteem tends to keep me from going and doing things by myself. It's like I'm embarrassed to be seen with me. Mostly its because I'm afraid of looking like a jackass in front of strangers.
Weird isn't it? People we may never see again have us more concerned with our activities than those we see very often. My friends don't mind me looking like a jackass. In fact, I suspect they rely upon it. And yet, to look like a fool in front of someone who doesn't know me or couldn't care less about me holds a sway over me that I find hard to break.
Did I say weird? I meant stupid. And yet... I know I'm not the only one out there like this. In fact, it's probably you. We get it from our parents. "Don't you dare embarrass me in public, or you'll get what have you!" "You either behave or you won't be." Yeah... little cute phrases that mean so much to a child and mean so little to the one saying them.
So, I started dating this woman. It was fine at first, but then the manipulations started. There wasn't a lot I could do right. There was a lot that I was doing wrong. About the 3rd week into this I said to her "I can't do this anymore", which threw her into an emotional fit of how bad I was to not even give the relationship a chance... blah, blah, blah.
Manipulations: We get it from our parents. We become pleasers. Oh yeah... children of alcoholics are great at this. We learn to please or we get beat. No, that's not a metaphor. Mom was great at being a mom, she was also great at being an alcoholic. Two sides of the same coin.
When she was good, she was very, very good... but when she was bad, Katy bar the door... someone is gonna get hurt. Remember, she didn't like us much. We reminded her of her failings and we were keeping her from doing what she really wanted to do. Whatever that was.
So yeah. I grovelled and said I was sorry and continue to this day to apologize for being such a horrible person and that I'll work to be better and I do. I really do.
She, on the other hand, is exactly the same... well.. perhaps she's changed too, but still we have these discussions ever so often and somehow, I'm the one that ends up apologizing, because that's what we do, you know? Cancerians and children of drunks are great apologizers. Sometimes we even mean it. No, really, we always mean it, AT the time.
So.. relationships. If you want me to go on forever about how many mistakes I've made, let me know. I'm kinda tired tonight and thought I'd make it a short one.
Next up, the things that go right. Relationships, part 3.
Stay warm, batten down the hatches, the winds a blowing. Really.
Oh yeah.. talking bout my dad. I think I was finished with him, pretty much. Dad wasn't round much, and then, when mom and dad divorced he married another woman, and I use the term loosely as she wasn't even human. Edra Hopkins is and was her name. I suspect she's still alive, though that would be a cruel injustice.
Edra gave my father brain cancer. How did she do this? Because she's a toxic bitch monster. I'm surprised Jack, Kit's wife, doesn't have brain cancer.
Okay... that's enough of that. Here's the point. Relationships are an individual thing. They take place in the mind and hormones. They do not take place in the heart, nor are they written in the stars.
It may be that they are fated, but there is so little proof of that, I discount it entirely. Frankly, I'm surprised we meet and occasionally like each other at all
Now, I could go on and on with My relationships. Seriously, who out there cares? I mean, I do. The wounds and arrows of relationships have kept me from... See what I did there? I was blaming my own choices on the relationships I had.
Okay. The wounds I perceive I received from relationships, I have allowed to keep me pretty much a passive aggressive person. There. That's better.
See, in a relationship, we never really know what it's going to be until the damn thing is either nearly finished or it's too late to turn back now. And sometimes, despite all of the warning signs, we plow a head, even through we have enough time to dodge the oncoming train.
Example in point. I was in a relationship with a woman who had a son, who had living parents, two things that went against my 'rules of dating'. Why did I see her? Well, I was lonely, and I wanted someone to go do things with. My other friends were all married and had lives of their own.
I had nobody, or mostly nobody. My lack of self-esteem tends to keep me from going and doing things by myself. It's like I'm embarrassed to be seen with me. Mostly its because I'm afraid of looking like a jackass in front of strangers.
Weird isn't it? People we may never see again have us more concerned with our activities than those we see very often. My friends don't mind me looking like a jackass. In fact, I suspect they rely upon it. And yet, to look like a fool in front of someone who doesn't know me or couldn't care less about me holds a sway over me that I find hard to break.
Did I say weird? I meant stupid. And yet... I know I'm not the only one out there like this. In fact, it's probably you. We get it from our parents. "Don't you dare embarrass me in public, or you'll get what have you!" "You either behave or you won't be." Yeah... little cute phrases that mean so much to a child and mean so little to the one saying them.
So, I started dating this woman. It was fine at first, but then the manipulations started. There wasn't a lot I could do right. There was a lot that I was doing wrong. About the 3rd week into this I said to her "I can't do this anymore", which threw her into an emotional fit of how bad I was to not even give the relationship a chance... blah, blah, blah.
Manipulations: We get it from our parents. We become pleasers. Oh yeah... children of alcoholics are great at this. We learn to please or we get beat. No, that's not a metaphor. Mom was great at being a mom, she was also great at being an alcoholic. Two sides of the same coin.
When she was good, she was very, very good... but when she was bad, Katy bar the door... someone is gonna get hurt. Remember, she didn't like us much. We reminded her of her failings and we were keeping her from doing what she really wanted to do. Whatever that was.
So yeah. I grovelled and said I was sorry and continue to this day to apologize for being such a horrible person and that I'll work to be better and I do. I really do.
She, on the other hand, is exactly the same... well.. perhaps she's changed too, but still we have these discussions ever so often and somehow, I'm the one that ends up apologizing, because that's what we do, you know? Cancerians and children of drunks are great apologizers. Sometimes we even mean it. No, really, we always mean it, AT the time.
So.. relationships. If you want me to go on forever about how many mistakes I've made, let me know. I'm kinda tired tonight and thought I'd make it a short one.
Next up, the things that go right. Relationships, part 3.
Stay warm, batten down the hatches, the winds a blowing. Really.