I know you said it wasn't necessary for me to comment but being that I like to be all up in peoples' business when given permission, here I am. :)
I dont fully understand why people have problems sometimes. I dont know particularly why two people can't put aside differences.
Me neither. I do think pride has to do with it, as well as fear, because: If two parties are in a conflict you have to step down from your pride in order to admit you're not perfect. You have to be able to admit that neither side is totally right or wrong after having stood up and said that your side was right. Each side just is what it is and if that causes conflict, misplaced pride only gets in the way of compromise.
And it takes some bravery to be the first to step down and petition for peace, because the other side might see it as a weakness and will continue to fight with more ferocity. Maybe they'll continue the lies and hurtful actions and you'll feel defenseless, because you have to take down your defenses to show that you are finished with fighting. That's why most people in a conflict fear taking that step down, taking down their shields, because after you do that there's no telling what they will try to do to you. You have to suck it up and perservere or walk away.
As for the "you and your girlfriend fucking" comment, that's literally below the belt. It can be awkward for people to witness others' displays of affection, I'll give her that, especially when it's people you don't particularly like. You can tell her truthfully that sex has not been a component of your so-called "fucking", and try your best not to keep her awake til the alleged "4am on a weeknight". Other than that your sexish life is between you and your girlfriend and no one should degrade your intimacy. I'm sure you try to be private about it but you can only be so private when she has a roomate.
It sounds like Hilary is experiencing some major college culture shock. Perhaps she expected to be best friends with her roomate, I don't know, whatever it is the whole situation is stressing her out and bringing out the worst in her. She's obviously not used to living with a little clutter in any case. Maybe you're experiencing some culture shock too, but I can't infer that from what you've written here.
My advice: Find peace within yourself, and encourage Sarah to as well. Then attempt peace with Hilary. Present peace as an ultimatum, if you sincerely want to end the conflict. Be consistently peaceful - don't let her destroy the peace you found within yourself (maybe, just to secretly prove her wrong, with the help of your oh-so-disgusting God - and hey, if she sees that you're conducting yourself so admirably and knows that you're a religious person, maybe she'll cease to be disgusted assuming you're humble about it). When it becomes too hard to defend yourself without hostility, find peace by walking away from the situation. Could Sarah spend time with you in your dorm instead of hers? Maybe Sarah and Hilary should sit down and re-negotiate their terms of agreement, making sure that each is granted a fair amount of privacy and that respect is emphasized - because really, "If you have time could you please organize your stuff?" is so much more respectful than "MOVE YOUR FUCKING SHIT RARR PMS!". If all else fails, and if Sarah comes to the decision on her own, and if it's possible, she should switch roomates - but there's no garuntee that there wouldn't be problems with someone else.
As for your current biased opinion about Hilary, expect to recieve the respect that you give. Maybe it's not such a good idea to call her a slut even if by your definition (hell, even if by her own definition) she is - it's not the word/definition so much as the hostility behind it that can come back and kick you in the face. Yes, she's made you reasonably upset. Calm yourself from within, at a level that she has no access to, a part of you that only you can define, and work from there.
The bottom line is, you're in love and you don't want anything to get in the way of your developing relationship, nor do you want your sweetheart to feel hurt and/or overwhelmed. Peace is a close cousin of love and with it your love can grow stronger. Thus concludes my opinion.
I dont fully understand why people have problems sometimes. I dont know particularly why two people can't put aside differences.
Me neither. I do think pride has to do with it, as well as fear, because: If two parties are in a conflict you have to step down from your pride in order to admit you're not perfect. You have to be able to admit that neither side is totally right or wrong after having stood up and said that your side was right. Each side just is what it is and if that causes conflict, misplaced pride only gets in the way of compromise.
And it takes some bravery to be the first to step down and petition for peace, because the other side might see it as a weakness and will continue to fight with more ferocity. Maybe they'll continue the lies and hurtful actions and you'll feel defenseless, because you have to take down your defenses to show that you are finished with fighting. That's why most people in a conflict fear taking that step down, taking down their shields, because after you do that there's no telling what they will try to do to you. You have to suck it up and perservere or walk away.
As for the "you and your girlfriend fucking" comment, that's literally below the belt. It can be awkward for people to witness others' displays of affection, I'll give her that, especially when it's people you don't particularly like. You can tell her truthfully that sex has not been a component of your so-called "fucking", and try your best not to keep her awake til the alleged "4am on a weeknight". Other than that your sexish life is between you and your girlfriend and no one should degrade your intimacy. I'm sure you try to be private about it but you can only be so private when she has a roomate.
It sounds like Hilary is experiencing some major college culture shock. Perhaps she expected to be best friends with her roomate, I don't know, whatever it is the whole situation is stressing her out and bringing out the worst in her. She's obviously not used to living with a little clutter in any case. Maybe you're experiencing some culture shock too, but I can't infer that from what you've written here.
My advice: Find peace within yourself, and encourage Sarah to as well. Then attempt peace with Hilary. Present peace as an ultimatum, if you sincerely want to end the conflict. Be consistently peaceful - don't let her destroy the peace you found within yourself (maybe, just to secretly prove her wrong, with the help of your oh-so-disgusting God - and hey, if she sees that you're conducting yourself so admirably and knows that you're a religious person, maybe she'll cease to be disgusted assuming you're humble about it). When it becomes too hard to defend yourself without hostility, find peace by walking away from the situation. Could Sarah spend time with you in your dorm instead of hers? Maybe Sarah and Hilary should sit down and re-negotiate their terms of agreement, making sure that each is granted a fair amount of privacy and that respect is emphasized - because really, "If you have time could you please organize your stuff?" is so much more respectful than "MOVE YOUR FUCKING SHIT RARR PMS!". If all else fails, and if Sarah comes to the decision on her own, and if it's possible, she should switch roomates - but there's no garuntee that there wouldn't be problems with someone else.
As for your current biased opinion about Hilary, expect to recieve the respect that you give. Maybe it's not such a good idea to call her a slut even if by your definition (hell, even if by her own definition) she is - it's not the word/definition so much as the hostility behind it that can come back and kick you in the face. Yes, she's made you reasonably upset. Calm yourself from within, at a level that she has no access to, a part of you that only you can define, and work from there.
The bottom line is, you're in love and you don't want anything to get in the way of your developing relationship, nor do you want your sweetheart to feel hurt and/or overwhelmed. Peace is a close cousin of love and with it your love can grow stronger. Thus concludes my opinion.
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