(no subject)
So I went to San Fran, and now I am starting to write my synopsis of the trip in the San Jose airport, they do not have free wireless connection here so I’m writing in a word document and it feels really really weird and the program is picking up all my grammatical errors, haha.
Ok, so Chris came to get me to bring me to the airport at like…10:20 or so, he gave me a book of naked art for Christmas, I feel almost like it’s an insult, and I can’t seem to place why, I think I do like the book though, I didn’t really get to enjoy it because I didn’t want to bring it with me to the airport or anything. So yea, he told me his mom wants them to move because a psychologist told her it wasn’t healthy to live in his fathers old home, I don’t really know if I would agree to that statement. But so they might be moving to penfield area which isn’t far, but you know, it is east Rochester and once your out I think your out for the most part, so I wonder if she realizes that effect that it is going to have on him. Other than that he also told me last night that he thinks he might have met a girl, they got introduced through kyle *rolls eyes* I guess it’s sorta terrible that I almost wish misfortune on my friends sometimes, like I want him to be happy but I am feeling quite skeptical, plus he says she is more shy than him and really…I didn’t know it was possible that Chris would interpret someone as more shy than him. I mean I know there are a lot of people out there who are BUT he thinks he is so ridiculously shy that he can’t function properly in the world. So anyways, I gave Chris my $5 winning lottery ticket for bringing me to the airport, that for sure covered the cost of gas and I guess friendship covers the cost of irritation. I’m hoping that Gru will be able to pick me up from the airport tonight, because I don’t think anyone in my family particularly wants to.
Ok, so actually to make mention to my trip. I realized like half way through my second day here that I wasn’t taking pictures, nor was I feeling inclined to do so and I thought to myself “hmmm how can this be?” and so I’ve come to the conclusion that it is because I feel like even if I did take pictures it wouldn’t really be summing up my time properly. I just felt really happy and content and glad this trip. I think it was perfect timing to step out of my life for a bit and to get some perspective and I really was so happy to get to see Tim again and to hang out. We just get along really well dispite all the differences between us. Like at one point he was on the computer and I had just woken up from a nap and his mattress is right on the floor in front of his desk and I was sitting in front of him and gave him a hug and he just put his arm around me and when I let go of the hug he didn’t so I just sat there for like 20 minutes. It was something that seems so uncharacteristic of me, but was just such a content moment. Even writing about the situation doesn’t seem to be expressing it properly at all….not even close. I just feel really good around him I guess, and that is really all I need to know or explain (or I guess lack of explaining)
On my trip down I had really delayed flights and I was so excited that I couldn’t rest and it was just a really really long trip and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. I was supposed to be in at 9, but I didn’t end up landing till like 10:30 and today I looked at the rental car times and stuff and we got the car at 11:35 so yea, that’s really late. Neither of us were really hungry so we just went back to his house and I was so wired we were up talking till probably 4 in the morning his time…that late anyways. So yea, he got up late for work, which was partly intentional. I didn’t want him to go and he knew that so I think that fact contributed to that he was only gone for 4 hours travel time and all. So when he was gone I took a shower and then I went for a long walk. It was really nice, I found a park that was really big and pretty, then even had a skate park in it, so I watched these boys that sucked at it for a little while, and then I decided to move along. I was sorta hoping to come across some fast food but I didn’t so on the way back I just got some cereal and stuff at 711. It is so weird he doesn’t have a microwave…it’s crazzzzzy.
**my wrists hurt from this position…more to come**
Ok, so yea, I'm home now, interesting mind developments have also occurred.
so we then went to eat at this place called pasta? the question mark is part of it. It's true. So yea, we went to go get groceries at this whole food super healthy store, it was funny. Pretty much he got interesting drinks, and beers. haha. we then went to get liquor and then went to drink it. I drank so much that I didn't want to drink any other time the weekend. So i got my long island ice tea, because that is my Tim drink. haha. So after one, i was pretty drunk but I had another one anyways. I remember a lot of what happened but I guess not everything. Because I don't remember falling off his bed, but I do remember telling Tim that I thought he would be a sycamore tree if he was a tree and that he agreed that I would make a good apple tree. I remember having him download the format and finding a live albulm I don't have soooo that was excellent. And I deffenitly 100% remember asking for one kiss and then having sex.
So there was that and it was fine. It was aknowledged but not discussed in the morning which was fine with me. We drove over to the train station and went to san fran. It was a pretty uneventful trip, but uneventful for this trip meant really nice. We went to where he used to live, near China town, we laughed at all the asain "massage parlors" hehe, we ate mexican food, we went on the busses, we walked to the bridge, we had this big talk about needing to walk across it to really experience it, it all felt really right, we walked a really long time trying to find the edge of it and then we got sick and had to go to the bathroom, so we went to borders, we realized it was the wrong bridge, we hopped on another bus and made it to the golden gate bridge, it was dark, we went to see children of men, I got disturbed, I needed a hug, we argued about theigh high boots and the hookerness of them, and the amazing sports cars in the city, we talked a lot about not much, he "protected me" from the homeless people...I felt safe I guess thats really all that mattered. We took the midnight 0-1 train, I couldn't sleep, so i just snuggled and he read the onion.
We were exausted when we got back, so we just slept after I took a shower, He is an anti-social sleeper like I used to be. The next day we talked about it and he wished it didn't have to be that way. I understand, I know...I don't know what his root is, but it exists. (I'm skipping around a bit) but he says we aren't compatible but I think he is wrong. He says "I like you" and "I am attractd to you" and somehow that doesn't equal I want to date you. I just figure it means I'm not ready, I hope it means that, everything was great until the words...the words come in and screw up things. I can help him and he can help me. Just because the way we were in the past with our failed relationships doesn't mean thats how we need to be now...it just means it's TIME to change and to be different and try different things. I mean, I think about how i was, and how I used to be. It's just I'm not that anymore, and I think he would be really helpful for me in my place, and I know I can help him too. he needs someone he can trust and someone he can be totally honest with, and I want to be that person, bcause I know i could.
I just think about my senoir quote that I so much still believe in. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and to be loved in return. Words don't change love, or people, just situations. I just hate the idea of not seeing him again till May, that is when he is probably coming home, home being to Rochester.
So then sunday we woke up late-ish. My sleep schedules have been so messed up so there was odd sleep times and nap times and awake times and everything else. So we went for a drive on the 9 through one of the redwood forrests. It was...really really nice, we talked a bit...but mostly just drove and enjoyed the drive and the situation and the company. sigh* I'm starting to relax and now i'm just sorta missing him now. Ok, so drive through forrest, cheap fast food chinese (that shit exists?) so yea, it was okay, I think it made him sick again...he seemed to be having upset stomach a lot this weekend. so yea, we came back and i fell asleep, he played around on the computer, I woke up wanting a hug but we were both sorta feeling a little bit of togetherness overkill. So i just sorta moved over to resting my head on his leg, I startd crying a little bit...just because I was emotional. because of pms. and because of things.
soooooooo then he admitted to his wanting some space, but that turned into laying on me while i play with his hair and he plays nintendo DS mario kart, haha. *sigh again* I am lame and this is so long. almost done though because I went off timeline earlier. So we were sitting around after that and sharing music and I mentioned TGIFridays, so we went there and got lots of appetizers. haha it was fun. He almost dropped his drink on the floor, both of us and the waitress were all like slow motion NOOOOOOO-ing. haha. He caught it somehow. it was fun. We went back and talked more because we were wired. Eventually we decided to go to sleep so i rolled over to avoid the anti-social sleeper and then, he just clear out of the blue rolls me over and kisses me, and totally 100% on his own initiated it. to let me know it's just when we're drunk that he likes me and is attracted to me. I already knew that anyways, he didn't have to prove it. The fact that he proved to me was that he didn't deny it either. now you can re-insert above statements.
This morning we were both exausted, we only slept a few hours we had a hard time finding the airport. He is so unlike me in that he is so calm under pressure and frusteration. Not one yelling, one swearing, one anything. Just ok with everything. We hugged goodbye and I went on my way. I cried on my last flight home about the strangest thing...we had talked abot nicknames and he was the first person to ever call me Kathleen that I liked. It wasn't mean or insulting, or anything bad. I'm still feeling iffy about that issue, now I will watch freinds
Ok, so Chris came to get me to bring me to the airport at like…10:20 or so, he gave me a book of naked art for Christmas, I feel almost like it’s an insult, and I can’t seem to place why, I think I do like the book though, I didn’t really get to enjoy it because I didn’t want to bring it with me to the airport or anything. So yea, he told me his mom wants them to move because a psychologist told her it wasn’t healthy to live in his fathers old home, I don’t really know if I would agree to that statement. But so they might be moving to penfield area which isn’t far, but you know, it is east Rochester and once your out I think your out for the most part, so I wonder if she realizes that effect that it is going to have on him. Other than that he also told me last night that he thinks he might have met a girl, they got introduced through kyle *rolls eyes* I guess it’s sorta terrible that I almost wish misfortune on my friends sometimes, like I want him to be happy but I am feeling quite skeptical, plus he says she is more shy than him and really…I didn’t know it was possible that Chris would interpret someone as more shy than him. I mean I know there are a lot of people out there who are BUT he thinks he is so ridiculously shy that he can’t function properly in the world. So anyways, I gave Chris my $5 winning lottery ticket for bringing me to the airport, that for sure covered the cost of gas and I guess friendship covers the cost of irritation. I’m hoping that Gru will be able to pick me up from the airport tonight, because I don’t think anyone in my family particularly wants to.
Ok, so actually to make mention to my trip. I realized like half way through my second day here that I wasn’t taking pictures, nor was I feeling inclined to do so and I thought to myself “hmmm how can this be?” and so I’ve come to the conclusion that it is because I feel like even if I did take pictures it wouldn’t really be summing up my time properly. I just felt really happy and content and glad this trip. I think it was perfect timing to step out of my life for a bit and to get some perspective and I really was so happy to get to see Tim again and to hang out. We just get along really well dispite all the differences between us. Like at one point he was on the computer and I had just woken up from a nap and his mattress is right on the floor in front of his desk and I was sitting in front of him and gave him a hug and he just put his arm around me and when I let go of the hug he didn’t so I just sat there for like 20 minutes. It was something that seems so uncharacteristic of me, but was just such a content moment. Even writing about the situation doesn’t seem to be expressing it properly at all….not even close. I just feel really good around him I guess, and that is really all I need to know or explain (or I guess lack of explaining)
On my trip down I had really delayed flights and I was so excited that I couldn’t rest and it was just a really really long trip and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. I was supposed to be in at 9, but I didn’t end up landing till like 10:30 and today I looked at the rental car times and stuff and we got the car at 11:35 so yea, that’s really late. Neither of us were really hungry so we just went back to his house and I was so wired we were up talking till probably 4 in the morning his time…that late anyways. So yea, he got up late for work, which was partly intentional. I didn’t want him to go and he knew that so I think that fact contributed to that he was only gone for 4 hours travel time and all. So when he was gone I took a shower and then I went for a long walk. It was really nice, I found a park that was really big and pretty, then even had a skate park in it, so I watched these boys that sucked at it for a little while, and then I decided to move along. I was sorta hoping to come across some fast food but I didn’t so on the way back I just got some cereal and stuff at 711. It is so weird he doesn’t have a microwave…it’s crazzzzzy.
**my wrists hurt from this position…more to come**
Ok, so yea, I'm home now, interesting mind developments have also occurred.
so we then went to eat at this place called pasta? the question mark is part of it. It's true. So yea, we went to go get groceries at this whole food super healthy store, it was funny. Pretty much he got interesting drinks, and beers. haha. we then went to get liquor and then went to drink it. I drank so much that I didn't want to drink any other time the weekend. So i got my long island ice tea, because that is my Tim drink. haha. So after one, i was pretty drunk but I had another one anyways. I remember a lot of what happened but I guess not everything. Because I don't remember falling off his bed, but I do remember telling Tim that I thought he would be a sycamore tree if he was a tree and that he agreed that I would make a good apple tree. I remember having him download the format and finding a live albulm I don't have soooo that was excellent. And I deffenitly 100% remember asking for one kiss and then having sex.
So there was that and it was fine. It was aknowledged but not discussed in the morning which was fine with me. We drove over to the train station and went to san fran. It was a pretty uneventful trip, but uneventful for this trip meant really nice. We went to where he used to live, near China town, we laughed at all the asain "massage parlors" hehe, we ate mexican food, we went on the busses, we walked to the bridge, we had this big talk about needing to walk across it to really experience it, it all felt really right, we walked a really long time trying to find the edge of it and then we got sick and had to go to the bathroom, so we went to borders, we realized it was the wrong bridge, we hopped on another bus and made it to the golden gate bridge, it was dark, we went to see children of men, I got disturbed, I needed a hug, we argued about theigh high boots and the hookerness of them, and the amazing sports cars in the city, we talked a lot about not much, he "protected me" from the homeless people...I felt safe I guess thats really all that mattered. We took the midnight 0-1 train, I couldn't sleep, so i just snuggled and he read the onion.
We were exausted when we got back, so we just slept after I took a shower, He is an anti-social sleeper like I used to be. The next day we talked about it and he wished it didn't have to be that way. I understand, I know...I don't know what his root is, but it exists. (I'm skipping around a bit) but he says we aren't compatible but I think he is wrong. He says "I like you" and "I am attractd to you" and somehow that doesn't equal I want to date you. I just figure it means I'm not ready, I hope it means that, everything was great until the words...the words come in and screw up things. I can help him and he can help me. Just because the way we were in the past with our failed relationships doesn't mean thats how we need to be now...it just means it's TIME to change and to be different and try different things. I mean, I think about how i was, and how I used to be. It's just I'm not that anymore, and I think he would be really helpful for me in my place, and I know I can help him too. he needs someone he can trust and someone he can be totally honest with, and I want to be that person, bcause I know i could.
I just think about my senoir quote that I so much still believe in. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and to be loved in return. Words don't change love, or people, just situations. I just hate the idea of not seeing him again till May, that is when he is probably coming home, home being to Rochester.
So then sunday we woke up late-ish. My sleep schedules have been so messed up so there was odd sleep times and nap times and awake times and everything else. So we went for a drive on the 9 through one of the redwood forrests. It was...really really nice, we talked a bit...but mostly just drove and enjoyed the drive and the situation and the company. sigh* I'm starting to relax and now i'm just sorta missing him now. Ok, so drive through forrest, cheap fast food chinese (that shit exists?) so yea, it was okay, I think it made him sick again...he seemed to be having upset stomach a lot this weekend. so yea, we came back and i fell asleep, he played around on the computer, I woke up wanting a hug but we were both sorta feeling a little bit of togetherness overkill. So i just sorta moved over to resting my head on his leg, I startd crying a little bit...just because I was emotional. because of pms. and because of things.
soooooooo then he admitted to his wanting some space, but that turned into laying on me while i play with his hair and he plays nintendo DS mario kart, haha. *sigh again* I am lame and this is so long. almost done though because I went off timeline earlier. So we were sitting around after that and sharing music and I mentioned TGIFridays, so we went there and got lots of appetizers. haha it was fun. He almost dropped his drink on the floor, both of us and the waitress were all like slow motion NOOOOOOO-ing. haha. He caught it somehow. it was fun. We went back and talked more because we were wired. Eventually we decided to go to sleep so i rolled over to avoid the anti-social sleeper and then, he just clear out of the blue rolls me over and kisses me, and totally 100% on his own initiated it. to let me know it's just when we're drunk that he likes me and is attracted to me. I already knew that anyways, he didn't have to prove it. The fact that he proved to me was that he didn't deny it either. now you can re-insert above statements.
This morning we were both exausted, we only slept a few hours we had a hard time finding the airport. He is so unlike me in that he is so calm under pressure and frusteration. Not one yelling, one swearing, one anything. Just ok with everything. We hugged goodbye and I went on my way. I cried on my last flight home about the strangest thing...we had talked abot nicknames and he was the first person to ever call me Kathleen that I liked. It wasn't mean or insulting, or anything bad. I'm still feeling iffy about that issue, now I will watch freinds