K/S Valentines Fic Post 1
This is my entry for the 2011 K/S Valentines. Please bear in mind that this is my first Star Trek story, ever, and my first piece of writing in almost a year, so it is not as good as I'd liked it to be (probably rubbish right now). Please ignore the way Chekov and Scotty talks. I fail at accents...
This has currently only been Beta:ed briefly since I took way too much time to write this monstrosity, but I'll exchange this version for the (fully) beta:ed one as soon as it's done. I also had to skip two sex scenes that would have made me miss my deadline. I'll include them in the revised version.
I also want to say that there will be references to a few planned one-shots, and that they won't make sense until I've posted them. This fic spawned approximately eight oneshots I didn't have time to write.
Anyway: To the fic!
Title: The Plan
Author: joec_mn
Beta: inu_spockya
Series: STXI
Rating: R
Length: 14624 words (Split up into four parts due to posting limitations)
Warnings: Swearing, naughty language, penis/penis contact, implied sex, implied rough sex
Summary: Valentines suck. Jim decides that the only way to get rid of annoying propositions is to fake a relationship with Spock. Now all they have to do is get caught in a compromising position by someone in the crew so the word will spread. Piece of cake. Or is it?
The Plan
Large green eyes stared up at him expectantly, a sanguine smile playing on plump pink lips. She appeared to be confident, only the slightly nervous way she was twirling a lock of brown hair around her finger showed uncertainty.
Standing straight, arms behind his back he looked into her eyes and pushed the small spark of annoyance into submission. “I have to decline your invitation. I am Vulcan, and as such I see no logic in celebrating the death of a priest who helped Christians in Rome while under the reign of Claudius II. The logic of this event eludes me further as the man in question was sentenced to death and was stoned and clubbed before he was beheaded. I see no logic in associating his death to romanticism, nor do I see the logic in receiving or giving efflorescence or confectionery. If you would please indicate what made you believe I would partake in such foolish and nonsensical practices, I will change my behavior accordingly.” He waited for an answer, but none was given. She was staring at him wide-eyed, her mouth slightly gaping and doing a rather impressive job of looking utterly rebuked.
“If that was all, please excuse me, I have matters to attend.” he nods before walking past the woman and continued towards the bridge. He might have been a little... breviloquent with yeoman Bates, but he had been propositioned a total of six times since 07:30, which was quite considerable seeing as it was now half past eleven.
And that only counted today.
Spock was beginning to find it taxing to repeat the same statement over and over, therefore it had... evolved over time. What had started as a simple 'I must decline. I see no logic in celebrating a day based off of baseless myths that include multiple saints and has no real correlation to February fourteenth' had now changed considerably.
The tiny spark of annoyance flared up again as he entered the bridge. He had during the last seven point two-six days been accosted thirty-nine point four times. Point four only because he had on one occasion ignored a nurse trying to invite him to celebrate the very illogical day of Saint Valentine, and simply walked past her as she spoke to him. He was beginning to feel a most illogical aversion to the jubilee.
How peculiar.
He nodded to Lt Commander Uhura and sat down at his science station, beginning to recalibrate the sensor readings since it was apparent that they were not the way they were when he left the console at the end of his last shift. His jaw set sternly as he repeated the last frequencies before he was done. He understood if his relief wanted their own settings, but he believed it was pure courtesy to change back whatever you had altered.
Not for all, evidently.
He was just about to check for the latest report as the doors opened and an amused James Kirk entered the bridge.
“Morning. Hey, I just saw yeoman Bates crying in the hallway, do you happen to know anything about that, Spock?”
Spock froze for a second before straightening his back and turning around in his chair, giving his Captain a cold look. “I have no knowledge of what you are inferring, Captain.”
This made Jim's grin wider. “Of course not. How silly of me.” he said jovially as he took his seat.
“Indeed.” Spock said as he returned his attention to his controls and decided to read the new status reports, again, before handing them to the Captain.
OoOxXxOoO
Once their shift was over, Jim stretched his back leisurely. God, how good it felt to be able to move. He loved his job, really, but these tedious missions where they had to do nothing but observe were beginning to irritate him.
It didn't really help that whenever he tried to address the issue with Admiral Pike, he'd just get the proverbial pat on the head and a speech of 'proper proceedings as a newly appointed Starship Captain'.
Screw that!
Jim had helped to save Earth for crying out loud! He had amounted to more before he was officially appointed captain than most Starfleet officers did their whole lives! He was sure it was a conspiracy against him.
He sighed as he entered the turbolift. Not doing anything stressed him out, however stupid it sounded. He was a man of action, not a man of... silent contemplating. That was Spock. It didn't exactly help matters when he got hit on, or got propositioned for an evening of 'hot, steamy sex and perhaps some chocolate thrown in'. Okay, no one had actually said that, but it was implied.
More than once.
He didn't exactly know how to deal with the throngs of suitors, male and female, following him around, begging for a Valentine's pity-fuck. It didn't help no matter how often he said he would not get involved with a crewmember, and especially not for some fling or a quick fuck in the maintenance closet.
What he needed was to get the freaking point across. So what if he had a reputation of screwing anything that moved? It's not like he'd throw away his credibility as a Captain just to get laid. And most of those rumors were exaggerated anyway.
Sure, he'd slept around, but what red-blooded young adult/man hasn't?
He slouched against the wall, realizing he had forgotten to enter his destination on the panel. No wonder nothing happened. He sighed once more and pressed to go to his quarters.
As he walked down the corridor he suddenly realized the solution to his problems.
Of course!
He turned around and begun walking in the opposite direction.
Hopefully he'd get the cooperation he needed without too much protesting. After all, the plan was awesome.
OoOxXxOoO
As soon as the door opened to Spock's quarters, Jim had the sinking feeling that he had just made the biggest mistake in his life. He and Spock had begun a tentative friendship a couple of months back, and here he was, ready to destroy it all on a whim.
He swallowed and plastered on the brightest fake smile he could muster, grinning at Spock as the impassive face of his First Officer appeared.
“Captain.” he said, an eyebrow raising questioningly.
“Hi there, Spock.” Jim said, trying to beat down the nervousness rising in his chest. Was he really going to do this? What if he screwed everything up? No. Spock would be too logical to hold it against him; after all, it was only a means to an end. A harmless deception. Probably.
“Is there anything you require?”
Jim looked up and down the corridor before turning to Spock again. “Yeah, um... Can I come in?” he lifted a hand, pointing to the interior of the cabin.
Spock took a step aside, letting Jim walk inside. The door closing with a soft 'woosh'.
Clearing his throat Jim looked around the cabin. He had been in here before, but only briefly, or he'd been too preoccupied to muse about interior design. Although there wasn't much to say about Spock's quarters, they were virtually the same as his own. Walls a muted color, clean surfaces void of personal trinkets and other such illogical objects.
“Did you have a purpose coming here, Captain?”
Jim snapped around, sheepish grin on his face. “Well, you see...” he trailed off, not entirely sure how to approach the subject. He then decided to implement the same tactic he used on every other aspect of his life. Head on bluntness.
Here it goes.
Okay, now.
Wait, this time he means it.
Now.
“It seems like you're a very sought-after man, Spock. All those women practically begging you to spend Valentine's with them.” he said, hoping there was no embarrassment seeping into his voice.
Spock, once again, raised the eyebrow of 'you-are-not-worthy-of-breathing-my-air,-you-illogical,-foolish-human'. “I am unsure what relevance that particular statement has to this conversation, Captain.”
“Well, Spock, I have also gotten a number of... eh... suitors, because, let's face it, I'm awesome.” Jim grins, sitting down in one of the chairs, leaning back and crossing his legs, ignoring the voice in his head that called at him in Spock's voice: 'Out of the chair.'. Shaking his head he continued. “As Captain, though, I can't... fraternize... with my junior staff in that manner, so I have a suggestion to make them get off of both our backs.”
There was a moment of silence, and Jim thought he might have to repeat himself when Spock spoke. “Captain, if you are suggesting that the two of us are to appear as a... couple...”
“You got it in one, Spock. I'm impressed.” Jim drawled, cutting Spock off before he could start telling him how illogical he was acting.
“Captain, it is not proper protocol for members of the command crew to fraternize in such a manner.” Spock protests, somehow his impassive face looking admonishing.
Jim rolls his eyes and sighs. “It's not against any regulations, either, so it's technically okay. Besides, we'll only be pretending for like... a day!”
“It is not the duration of our perceived... I believe the human word is tryst, that is the problem, Captain.”
Jim was growing impatient. Why didn't Spock just say what he wanted to say already? “Then what is the problem?”
“It would seem quite unprofessional of two commanding officers to engage in such brief encounters of seemingly sexual nature.” Spock said, straightening his back further, if possible.
Running a hand through his hair Jim grinned up at his First Officer. “So you're afraid we'll be pegged as people of loose morals or something? Spock, I hate to break it to you, but I kinda am.”
The look Jim received as a reply was a clear indication that Spock was not amused.
“Being perceived as salacious is not the pertinent issue, Captain.”
“Then, for the love of god! Tell me what is!” Jim growls, standing up, glaring at Spock's emotionless face.
“Unprofessional is not something I, to use Terran terminology, 'do'.” The steady, dark gaze made Jim all but want to throw his hands up in surrender.
“Come on. Do you want to get rid of those annoying girls or not? Just pretend that we're dating through Valentine's and they'll get the message!”
“What makes you so certain that I will play along in this deception of homosexuality?” Spock asked, wanting to know his Captain's reasoning, and not for the first time.
“Because you are just as tired as I am of this situation. I've been propositioned five times today, two of which were very hands on, leaving me quite uncomfortable.” he admits, pointedly staring at a book on a shelf to the right of Spock's shoulder.
“It appears we are of similar dispositions.”
Jim grins. “You got your ass squeezed, too?”
Once more there is a flash of irritation in Spock's dark eyes, but it disappears too fast for Jim to see if it was real or just his imagination. “Hardly.”
“Okay, okay.” Jim laughs and shakes his head. “Are you in or not? Because you will be hunted down all of tomorrow if we do nothing.”
“I suppose there might be some logic in your argument. I agree to your proposed deception.”
“Yes! Sweet.” Jim cheers in triumph, almost taking a leap of joy, but Spock's disapproving glare made him halter in his steps. “I mean... eh... good?”
“Good is an unacceptable expression as the word 'good' has several definitions. I also find no logic in your outburst claiming the palatable reaction to dextrose. Most illogical.”
“Whatever.” Ignoring Spock's raised eyebrow Jim begins to walk around the cabin, muttering to himself. “Okay, we need a plan.... plan, plan, plan...”
“If I may interject, Captain, I require clarification on the status of our... relationship.”
“Um... together?”
“Obviously. I wish to know what kind of relationship we are to portray. Do you not believe the crew will be highly suspicious if we just announce that our relationship now has a romantic component to it, especially since we have never appeared romantically involved prior to that event? There might be those who question our position.” Spock said, trying to make the Captain understand his intention.
“I guess you're right. What do you suggest?”
“I would suggest we clarify our situation.”
Jim sighs. “And what, pray tell, is our situation Enlighten me, please.”
“We have for the past several months hidden our relationship due to personal reasons and are only now prepared to inform others about it.”
Jim looks at Spock, a grin on his face. “You know, that might actually work.”
Spock ignores the Captain's playful slap on his shoulder, probably a display of Terran male-bonding or some other illogical nonsense. “It is immensely more logical than us just waking up one day, deciding to, as you humans would phrase it, 'suck face'.”
“Oh my god!” Jim exclaims, his eyes wide in disbelief. “Say you didn't just say 'suck face'! I can't believe it!”
Once again Spock feels that the only proper response is to ignore it. “It is also a good idea for the relationship to seem less... casual, should word reach my father. A short sexual relationship with my superior officer would be highly illogical. Especially if it was to be made known to Starfleet, which may reflect badly on my position, or if word got to my father. He would be most displeased at such irrational behavior.”
“You're afraid your dad is gonna chew you out? You're a grown man for crying out loud! You can sleep with whoever you want as long as it's consensual, Spock.” Jim could hear his words were clearly mocking his First Officer, he flinched as he received Spock's stern gaze in reply.
“I am not referring to any disciplinary actions on my father's part, rather from Starfleet. I may be assigned to another vessel if they believe our actions may jeopardize the mission, the Enterprise or the crew.” he stated coldly.
Jim paled. “Oh, shit. Didn't really think of that.” He ran a hand across his face before looking up at Spock. “How long do you suppose we should have been dating, then?”
“The bare minimum should be six months. Seeing as my relationship with Uhura lasted eight months, may I suggest that we, if specifically asked, state a similar period of time?”
“Sure. I don't see why not. I mean, if it ever came back to Starfleet Command it would be better if it was more committed. That way they probably won't fire me.” After a second Jim's eyes snapped to Spock's once more. “Oh, shit. If your dad ever finds out, he'll totally hate me more than he already does! Plus, if your dad could hear about it, my mom might, too. She'll definitely think I've gone mental, being in a 'committed relationship' for eight months.” Jim slumped back into the chair.
“I doubt my father would hate you.” Spock began, Jim looked up from where he had hid his face in his hands, a doubtful look in his eyes. “It is illogical to hold resentment for another person because of events that can not be changed.”
“Yeah, sure. Illogical or not, I bet he does!” the Captain pouted, leaning back into the chair.
Spock pointedly ignored the childish behavior of the man sitting four feet away. “We should proceed with our original topic of discussion.” he urged.
“Sure... what was it?”
Spock holds back the highly illogical urge to sigh. “You were trying to compose a plan of action for tomorrow, Captain.”
“Yeah, right.” Jim frowns, trying to think of something. “Okay, we'll need to be seen in compromising situations by someone who'll spread it around the ship. Or just show a bit of 'public' affection.”
“Please clarify the level of affection you have calculated we need.” Spock said stiffly. He was not feeling too comfortable with the words 'public' and 'affection' in the same sentence.
Jim shrugged his shoulders. “I dunno. Hugging? Kissing? Maybe holding hands.” He looked over at Spock, seeing his rigid frame his grin faltered slightly. “Why? Is that a problem?”
“Negative. Although I find the thought of kissing you in any fashion highly disturbing I shall prevail.”
“Disturbing? I'll tell you I'm extremely sought after and women adore me! What the hell would be so disturbing about kissing me? It's not like I have halitosis or anything.” the Captain asked, baffled, as if the thought of him being anything less than completely irresistible had never entered his mind. Knowing Jim, it probably never had.
“I am Vulcan, we are not known for sharing intimate moments with people we are not currently in a relationship with, neither do I find the thought of being intimate with a male especially pleasing.”
“Wow. Really? I thought Vulcans were all 'I'm attracted to their mind, not their physical sex'. Or something.” Jim furrowed his brows, trying to remember what he had learned in that xenobiology class at the Academy, although he had to admit that he hardly paid any attention to what the teacher had said since he had been far too busy staring at the beautiful Eymorgian, picturing her in various different... scenarios.
“In general, but I have never felt any, however fleeting, attraction towards a male.”
“Then I guess this will be an interesting experience for you.”
“Indeed.” His voice was void of any emotion, but Spock could feel that now familiar spark of annoyance trying to surface. He was beginning to connect that particular emotion to the Captain. Not very surprising. If Vulcans felt surprise, that is...
“But are you sure you can actually go through with this. With me, I mean?” It wasn't as if Jim hadn't kissed men before, but he didn't want there to be any kind of weirdness between them that might affect how they worked together. Affecting the friendship that had slowly built up during this past year.
“Although I hold no attraction towards you, I have previously engaged in sexual activities focused solely on mutual release, not attraction.” The admission was a little too personal for Spock's liking, but it seemed as if the Captain had a way of pulling information out of him that he would not usually divulge. It... annoyed him.
“That sounded suspiciously like you said you have one night stands.” Jim held in a chuckle as he looked at Spock expectantly, waiting for him to elaborate, or deny, whichever came first.
Not wanting to linger on the subject, Spock felt it prudent to steer the conversation in another direction. “May I suggest we continue on the matter at hand instead of idle conversation?”
“Smooth transition. Hardly noticed it.” Jim laughed, rolling his eyes.
“Captain.” Spock's voice was terse and he seemed to have little patience for Jim's antics.
“Hm?”
“Is there anything else you wish to discuss, Captain?”
***
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