(no subject)
Yeah, that's right...
I never died in that terrible, freak accident plane crash (Which had strictly NOTHING to do with me, by the by) near the west of Nebraska.
And no, I never met Whitey (Who's always watching, still to this day).
The Colonel,.
Admiral PAwlsey,.
that shitty bear from some fuckin industry .
(Someone's BOUND to have one) .
And I most CERTAINLY did NOT associate myself with ZIGGY.
Moving on.
Yeah at my town they have this thing called the salmon festival...thousands showed up this year.
& it's the biggest event in the province & all that Jazz.
Yeah...me & Byron never went- the town was a GHOST TOWN.
We ended up walking the streets dressed as "thugs" for a chuckle .
& tried to make a tent in the backyard with a single tarp, .
a piece of a hammock,.
& a fir tree. We taped it.
It was PATHETIC.
LOL We tried sleeping in there.
with 'Mesquites' chawing our bodies like a hot roast at a pot luck,.
& we were in the 101 Dalmations sleeping bag that we FOUND & .
ALMOST got sleep-
Until we heard this horrible frantic scratchy sound. .
We looks down here's this BIG FUCKIN BEETLE on it's back, & IT'S FREAKIN OUT!!!.
WILDLY!! .
Then another fuckin one comes along there .
on it's back a little one & .
I was thinking to myself "Holy Moses in a flaming Picnic basket of crumpets & shitloaf,.
what the fuck is going on here?
A little memo...
Curves is THAT way!!! ----> Lord...
And THEN we ended up DRINKING peaches from a can, fleeing the tent, .
& as we did we saw a dead rigomortis shrew.
We named him
Riggo to the Iggo: Riggo Ali G-Hizz Bish.
I'll Be Missing You.
...In a strictly non-homo way, homeboy.
The next day we dressed as preps & went to the fair.
I had on a very long, hot wig. It was too hot for that garbage.
I did Byron's hair...he looked so horribly gay .
you might as well have just strapped him in a g-string.
with pink rhinestones with PRINCESS written in shiny silver letters.
We got in the ferris wheel & I lost my ovaries.
But not my wig.
Then I went to the Port-A-shit Hoagie & took my wig off- putting it in my purse.
Some guy saw me go in & when I came out, he looked so shocked.
He left.
We then tried to get on this kiddie ride, the helecopters where you can move the bar & go up & down.
It rises a total of...2 feet. -_-
It was for strictly kids but parents were getting on so...
We saw a man standing near by it with...you'll never fucking guess.
A WOLF SHIRT.
I was jealous at the shittiness.
So we began to chant quietly "Wolf shirt Wolf Shirt Wolf Shirt Wolf Shirt...".
Until we were yelling it & he was staring at us.
Then we got to the top of the line .
& the guy just looked at us a bit pained & said
"Oh, come on guys."
"What?"
"Come on. I mean, you're old."
"WHAT?!?!"
"Yeah, you can't get on this ride."
"WE CAN SO!"
"It's for kiddies!"
"THAT GUY THERE IS AT LEAST 40!!"
"That's a dad."
"I COULD BE A DAD!"
"You ain't getting on."
"Wolf Shirt Wolf Shirt Wolf Shirt Wolf Shirt!" & we chanted this with a squeal as we bounded off.
I'm paying 48.96 for a George Harrison album.
And his middle name...
It's Harold.
Just like my boon compainion, Herald the Duck When I was a stupid kid.
SEE?!?!!?!?!?
Proof...
Proof of my existance with Harold the Duck...
Who may in future reference have some connection or some reference
to George HAROLD Harrison...
Who by the way often LOSES his middle name in books...
Much like I lost Harold.
Oh, Harold...
Come the fuck home.
Why Do you BUILDDD me up! Butter cup Bay Bay!
"I'm from the Bish!"
Well I was walking with Byron yesterday
& he was making ugly faces at me so I turned away & .
as I did he was sneaking up close to force a face on me,
but I was grabbing flowers to throw at him
whilst innocently not knowing he was that near.
So at the same time we both lunged
& he got buttercup's lashed into his eyes
& he screamed in pain LMAOO
Then his left eye welted & got huge & red & puffy & runny & we called him "Buttercup eye: My hideous creation."
Boy, was it ever.
Then we went swimming &
I was swinging on a rotten shitty rope & it clouted me right in the eye
...the left one.
So we both went home with puffy, stinging & runny left eyes.
BAD EYE.
AND NOW it's time to celebrate more of my GENIUS.
MORE QUOTES from my cesspool of a mouth.
"Give me back that fuckin' ball!
She says. Runnin' her mouth about her half-inflated, dirt encrusted welfare shit Teletubbie ball
that we kicked & left, & she chases us up the road for it?
Never mind the fact her fuckin' jogging pants are pulled up over her tits & halfway up her shins,
her filthy white socks large & bunched inside & outside
her once white velcro sneakers. ...bitch."
“My Chipgasm shirt was a hit!”
“…lest we forget.”
“Oh COME ON, I don’t get to hear the guitar solo? Why don’t you just smack me in the face with a fresh bag of diarrhea?!”
“Um…”
“A bit too much?”
“Just a tad much, Ern. Just a tad much.”
“But we can’t be late! My 1986 Rolling Stone Paul McCartney magazine has to get married to my 1987 George Harrison edition!”
AGUSTUS TUTTLE
”Stop petting that garbage!”
“Scat man? More like shat man!”
Y-, Yammy Woodly…doo good.
{Drops an orange, slowly shuts cabinet, a fork clatters in sink- person looks up}
“I’m Jewish.”
“Then why did you go to a Pentecost school?”
hangs head in shame
“ha Haaaaaa…You’ll never know what I am!!”
“…an idiot.”
“Oh…I walked into that one.”
((Bends shitty pen easily- looks stunned
UM- HULK!!!
---Oh, it happened AGAIN!!
“You MUST be Harry Super-Woman!”
“HAHAHA Here’s the Hulk biting through huge metal pipes with his teeth & snapping mighty buildings in half with his pinky toe, & I bend this flimsy & crappy cheap plastic pen & suddenly I’m him!”
“Snapping buildings with his toes? I-I don’t think he could do that…K”))
“Torture is banned!”
threatens with rolled book with a sharp smack
“…Not in THIS house!”
“Oh! How quickly the tables turn!”
“Don’t know how you sleep in this filthy bed.” {Byron greasy moustache slacker}
“Oh, shut up! At least I’m not sleeping in pools of urine- fuckin’ tatty cakes up there!” {Byron looks shocked}
“What if we got into an accident?”
“Then I’d be laughing…or dead.”
“lord, Paul. Can’t you afford plastic surgery? Can’t you get those Jowls reduced?”
“Wh-who’s uncle greatest?”
Uncle Gratis?!
“Shut up kirb! You’re getting your just desserts!”
“George ‘Sexual Chocolate’ Harrison”
“Oh. Ixnay on the chink.”
“Well, if hampsters can do it. There’s a rap song on the hampsterdance cd!”
“…I hope they die of wet tail.”
“Who is this cold hard bitch.”
MILFWORDFILE.ORG
“I-I’m bleeding! A-Am I bit?!”
Worst fear come true…
“Y-ya gotta go home Urn, you’re gonna die!”
“You know, we’re at the bottom of every social ladder.”
“Goodbye Alex Jennifer…And Tammie Woody.”
“Oh, I hate this place! I’m coming back tomorrow!”
“It was weird, I was standing at the bus stop for hours on Tuesday, but my bus never came.”
“…There was no school on Tuesday.”
“Oh! Well…that explains a few things…”
“Stahw, Pu, Ah!”
Throws Pad
“Byron, I told you to put this back in your purse.”
“They’re deals…on wheels!”
“There’s no wheels at all.”
“…They’re cyber wheels.”
“Can you believe it’s the first day of summer vacation?…AND I’M WASTING IT HERE!!”
“I hate babies. All they do is whine & shit.”
“Byron, all you do is whine & shit too!”
lingerie for Hermit Crabs- click here.
“Oh, Shit & Peanut butter!”
“Well it sure as hell won’t be roses you’ll smell when the shit hits the fan!”
shitty miserable attempt of making some shit sparks in their diarreah romance
“You’re so goin’ to Hiscocks it’s not even funny.”
“Take him off the bed!”
"Why?”
“Coz! He has shit all over his ass!”
“Oh! I thought you were gonna hit him.”
“I’m not going to hit an animal coz it pooped!”
“You’d hit George if he pooped!”
“…I’d fuckin’ eat George’s poop.”
“Can you believe it’s the first day of summer vacation?…AND I’M WASTING IT HERE!!”
“I hate babies. All they do is whine & shit.”
"Byron, all you do is whine & shit too!”
"Micky Fuck”
“Well, you do what ya gotta do to get yer shit dollar.”
“…I once shoveled shit for a dollar.”
“…I once cleaned shit for a dollar.”
...
...
....could I EVER create anything remotely close to resembling beauty?
...LOL no.
Stupid fucks.
I would cut myself
Just to wet my beak
in a taste of Ringo Starr.
] -Joec