(no subject)
so tomorrow around 8 am i'll be taking my last exam for the semester.
i have mixed feelings about the whole thing.
i should be saying "i'm graduating" but i'm not. not really that bummed about that though as only, 3 of the people i was friends with freshman year are graduating. congratulations to leigh, will, and derek.
*edit* 5 people i knew freshman year are graduating so congrats to leigh, will, derek, brandy, and nick. (that's still not alot)*/edit*
its more so a mixed feeling about events that have taken place this semester. the worst being that a relationship i was deeply comitted to ended. while i'm no longer angry or upset with the other person i still feel that a part of me is missing. when you care about someone so much for 6+ months its hard to just turn it off. using an analogy (which might not be a very good one but i'm going to use it anyway) its like when you go to a great concert and the music is really loud. you're having a great time and become something beyond human while you're rocking out. then the last song is played and the band walks off the stage and the house light's come up. you're back in the real world, shuffling along stepping over plasitc cups and spilled beer. the band's gone, there's no more music, but there's still a ringing in your ear. when you think about the concert sometimes you still get a rush, like you did when the light's dimmed and the band started playing the first song. it fades quickly though as you realize that you're not in the concert anymore. you've got a cd and some grainy pictures you took with your camera phone while everything was going on, but its not the same. you've thought about going to other concerts, and have even been to a few local shows. you assume one day there will be a concert better than the one you loved, but that first real concert, you're never gonna forget.
i don't really know how the other person feels about me. i know i said some stupid things in the heat of it all, but i hope i'm forgiven even if the person never wants to talk to me again. i try to be a good friend to the best of my ability. i've also begun to pray, for everyone.
there have been a few good things to come out of this semester despite this. for one i've been doing extreemly well in school. i'll post later with my official grades, but i've done better this semester than any other semester in college (and possibly high school). also, while i haven't been able to go recently i've improved alot in judo. i'm going to compete some this summer and test for my yellow belt soon. i revived my guitar from middle school and have started lessons again, which i'm proud of. possibly the thing i feel most accomplished with though is the school of mass communications.
when i went for my advisor meeting earlier this semester i was told that i had too many credits to stand a chance at getting into the school, and i needed to start looking for another major. this crushed me after all of the time and effort i'd spent figuring out what i wanted to do in college/with my life. i had a brief moment of weakness (about an hour), but then something incredible happened. i picked myself up, and told myself that i was going to get into the department, no matter what anyone else said. i wasn't just going to tuck my tail between my legs and accept the "next best thing". several meetings later i had a paper from someone pretty high in the department guarenteeing my admission to the major if i kept my grades up next fall.
one thing i'm not going to say is that this was the hardest semester i've ever been through. everytime i say that the next semester is exponentially harder.
i have mixed feelings about the whole thing.
i should be saying "i'm graduating" but i'm not. not really that bummed about that though as only, 3 of the people i was friends with freshman year are graduating. congratulations to leigh, will, and derek.
*edit* 5 people i knew freshman year are graduating so congrats to leigh, will, derek, brandy, and nick. (that's still not alot)*/edit*
its more so a mixed feeling about events that have taken place this semester. the worst being that a relationship i was deeply comitted to ended. while i'm no longer angry or upset with the other person i still feel that a part of me is missing. when you care about someone so much for 6+ months its hard to just turn it off. using an analogy (which might not be a very good one but i'm going to use it anyway) its like when you go to a great concert and the music is really loud. you're having a great time and become something beyond human while you're rocking out. then the last song is played and the band walks off the stage and the house light's come up. you're back in the real world, shuffling along stepping over plasitc cups and spilled beer. the band's gone, there's no more music, but there's still a ringing in your ear. when you think about the concert sometimes you still get a rush, like you did when the light's dimmed and the band started playing the first song. it fades quickly though as you realize that you're not in the concert anymore. you've got a cd and some grainy pictures you took with your camera phone while everything was going on, but its not the same. you've thought about going to other concerts, and have even been to a few local shows. you assume one day there will be a concert better than the one you loved, but that first real concert, you're never gonna forget.
i don't really know how the other person feels about me. i know i said some stupid things in the heat of it all, but i hope i'm forgiven even if the person never wants to talk to me again. i try to be a good friend to the best of my ability. i've also begun to pray, for everyone.
there have been a few good things to come out of this semester despite this. for one i've been doing extreemly well in school. i'll post later with my official grades, but i've done better this semester than any other semester in college (and possibly high school). also, while i haven't been able to go recently i've improved alot in judo. i'm going to compete some this summer and test for my yellow belt soon. i revived my guitar from middle school and have started lessons again, which i'm proud of. possibly the thing i feel most accomplished with though is the school of mass communications.
when i went for my advisor meeting earlier this semester i was told that i had too many credits to stand a chance at getting into the school, and i needed to start looking for another major. this crushed me after all of the time and effort i'd spent figuring out what i wanted to do in college/with my life. i had a brief moment of weakness (about an hour), but then something incredible happened. i picked myself up, and told myself that i was going to get into the department, no matter what anyone else said. i wasn't just going to tuck my tail between my legs and accept the "next best thing". several meetings later i had a paper from someone pretty high in the department guarenteeing my admission to the major if i kept my grades up next fall.
one thing i'm not going to say is that this was the hardest semester i've ever been through. everytime i say that the next semester is exponentially harder.